School Bell: Organize School Projects

About now in households across the country kids are struggling with that last "big" project for history or science.  Whether it is a model of the solar system, a whale report, a policy paper or other research project,  many kids and parents are pulling their hair out.  Sadly, I have no magic cure.  But here is a strategy to try.

Remember that the goals usually are:
1-- to teach your child how to break big projects and tasks into smaller component parts,
2-- to help them learn to work piece by piece rather than to leave it all to the last minute,
3-- to explore or summarize a topic, idea, or concept.
The goal is NOT to frustrate your child or discourage them!

So...
1-Sit with your child and help them break the project into parts. Take a freebie giveaway calendar or make a calendar between now and the due date.  Schedule in the in-vetween deadline goals to be finished two days ahead [to allow for emergencies or for the fun of handing it in early!].

2- Challenge your child to work XX number of minutes each day to get to that week's goal. [If you can do it with 10-15 min per day it works best.  If it takes more [ex 30 minutes a day] break the 30 minutes into 10-15 minute chunks so the frustration level stays under control yet progress is visible and steady.

3. Choose a reward [I'll use an ice cream sundae party as my example.]

4. Each day they reach the goal put a piece of the reward in place. [sprinkles in a basket or on the shelf, ice ream cones, choc sauce, etc.] This helps them see progress and motivates them to finish.

OR

4. Draw a picture or make a "ticket" for the reward and hole punch it each time they reach a mini-goal. So for example after 5 punches they get a dish of ice cream at home, after 10 they get an ice cream cone at a local spot, after 15 [when the final project is handed in] they can invite a friend [or two]  over for a make-you-own sundaes buffet celebration

Alternative to ice cream: movie night, dinner out, trip to a fun park, etc.... choose it to match your child and the difficulty of the project. .

Image thanks and credits to: telegraph.co.uk, loving your child.com, oregonlive.com,

Caring Heart: Why can't I live with my parents?

A different kind of Mother's Day meditation today.... one I suspect is familiar to all those who parent someone else's children.

Why can't I live with my real parents?

She asked the question today.  I knew it would come.  It always does.  Sooner or later, when they can't take thinking about it inside and the words finally spill out loud, it comes. Each one words it a bit differently, but the root is almost always the same. "Why can't I live with my parents?"It must be so difficult for her.  Everywhere she looks she sees "regular" families.  Even the friends whose parents are divorced still live with one of their parents.  Storybooks don't help.  Even when they do include foster children, the picture is usually so vague or so rosy that it is useless. Television goes the opposite route with its persistently negative portrayals.

Help me to answer her question without unhelpful judgment.  Help my answer validate her feelings and concerns, yet support her.  Help me to leave space in her thinking for them to have been good at something. No matter what else, they created this unique, individual girl.  Help me to emphasize that, while accepting they were not able to take care of her properly. If appropriate, help me remind her that sometimes people can change and grow and get better at things.  If not, help me teach her that sometimes no matter how much people want to be good at something they just can't be.  Give me the words that leave room for her to believe that she was loved, and to know that she was worth loving, that none of the failure rests on her. And Lord, please help me not to feel hurt, or rejected, but to understand that her dreaming and wishing is no reflection on me, but a reflection of what she has lost, and what she can only imagine. Please, dear God, let me help her understand that this is not her fault, and that she can grow up to be a wonderful, loving young woman.  Help me.  Help her. Help me to help her.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: The Inner Child

When I win the lottery.....

Im going to release my inner child with a staircase shortcut like this---

P.S. And for my aging soul... an elevator for the ride back up!    :-)  

Anything Can Happen: Fridge Locks

Ok, admit it. How many of you have wished for an easily lockable refrigerator?  I can think of two reasons that have echoed through my experiences:

1- When my munchkins were younger I was often especially desperate.  Children in foster care often have food issues and will graze at any time of night or day.  Even when they know that fresh raspberries have a season roughly two nanoseconds long and that I will knock down old ladies that get between me and a box of freshly picked raspberries.... they still will reach in, snitch all but three berries [left to taunt me I am convinced!] and then profess no knowledge of whoooo could posssssibly have done it!

2- When the numbers on the scales become rude and obnoxious, I sometimes think that having to open a combination lock might help me resist that temptation to snack on something evil.  Research says that if you can delay acting on a food impulse/temptation for 60 seconds, the impulse passes.  [I am not at all sure that I believe it, but someone no doubt spent thousands of dollars researching it.]

Soooo ... the idea below caught my eye online. It is from an interesting website that often has funny, also often vaguely rude, ideas.  So I am not going to link to it but will credit it below if you want to see it for yourself.  But here is their idea.... ready for some inventor out there to make money creating and marketing!  If you can't read it click here for a larger more text readable view.

Better yet..... make a real one and let me know... I will be your first customer!!

Image credit and thanks to: stealourideas.tumblr.com,
                        [light bulb image from newscientist.com]

Parenting Tips: Neater Clothes pt 1

Here's an idea [actually two!] to try to help your kids keep their drawers looking and functioning better.

Stacking things horizontally in the drawer [the traditional way] inevitably means the kids will paw through the pile repeatedly until it looks like a sorting pile in the back of a Goodwill store.  Avoid that by stacking the clothes items vertically so they can see at a glance the item they are looking for. They may still paw, but usually only the adjacent clothes may be displaced, not the whole drawer!

My Alternative:
For several key years I went one step farther.  I removed the dressers from the rooms and replaced them with bookcase shelves. When we folded clothes we stacked them into like-item piles. When they put them away, the whole stack went to the photo-labeled spot on the shelves. One step process, no baskets of folded clothes waiting to be hung up or put in drawers.  [Underwear and socks went on the shelf into see-thru plastic baskets.] Wasn't a perfect system, but it sure beat others we tried. When they were able to keep the shelves straight I was pretty sure we could "graduate" to the vertical drawer system.

NEXT THURSDAY:  Two amazing ways to teach kids to fold their t-shirts!

Image thanks and credit to: dailybuzz.com

Soapbox: Universal Friendliness?

I started with questions I felt fairly comfortable with and clear about.  Now we're on what to me are the tougher ones. 

9. Do you dare to be universally friendly to end violence?

Ok, so is he talking about ending bullying by universal friendliness?  i suspect he would say that is a start, but only a start. I think maybe he is talking about forgiveness and openness as a route to ending an atmosphere prone to violence.

I try to live a faith-based life, but have always struggled with the concept of forgiveness.  Well, not actually the concept. The practice.  I do not hate.  But to say that I have forgiven everyone who has done me wrong would not be true.  I do well with the little stuff.  I suspect most of us do.

How many people in your life have you not forgiven?  I have given this a great deal of thought and realize that in my life there are only four people that I know I have not forgiven.  One of those has died, but even before he died, I had put his offense behind me.  But in truth that is different from forgiveness.

And friendliness? That is a step well beyond forgiveness. Is that what it would take?  I think he realizes this is tough, because in the others he uses words like "would you" and "could you."  In this he says "Do you dare."  Because it is a risk to be sure.  For me to see those I have not forgiven and not just forgive. Could I see or meet them and be friendly? 

That would indeed take inner daring.

                                                 What do you think?

Image credits:  rodneymullins.wordpress.com, womenscenter.uconn.edu,toppun.com, 

Focus on Fostering: Raise Your Voice

May is Foster Care Month. Chances are that sometime this month the agency you work with will send you a card or sponsor a dinner or do something to thank you for the work you are doing as a foster parent.  Some agencies do it well.  Some not so well.  I am fortunate to be with an agency that does it very well indeed.

What are you doing for foster care month?  Yes, yes, I know that taking care of your kiddos should be enough, but think about it.  Are you doing anything to change some of the ongoing administrative and policy challenges of foster care?  One of the biggest problems with that is that just doing the care demands so much time and energy that there is little left for activism. Enrollment in the National Foster Parent Association is only a tiny fraction of the number of foster parents nationwide.

Usually my Tuesday post is a strategy or tip for helping with the day to day business of fostering the children in our care.  Today I urge each of you to find any way possible, large or small, to find your voice and raise it.  There are literally millions of us... We need to be heard if foster care is to change.

We need to be vocal and active.  If we don't speak up ourselves, how can we expect others to speak up for us.  Remember... we are not speaking for ourselves, but for the children.  We deserve a better system so that we can be and do better for them.  They deserve a better system and better outcomes.  We all deserve a better image and public perception.  Let's raise our voices at least this one month a year. [ If you are too busy.... perhaps you can wear a blue ribbon and use that opportunity to answer questions about foster care.]

And, if your agency does a good job for you... Tell them!  Better yet, tell the people who fund your agency exactly what things they do that work, that make life better for you and your kiddos. Tell them!

Image credits and thanks to: lifetimesentence.tumblr.com, dfps.state.tx.us, aecf.org, fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com, chicagonow.com