Soapbox: World Love

So, today is the day after Valentine's Day.

What has changed?  .....Nothing?   .....Something? 

In theory, we spent yesterday letting people know they are loved.
Are we through?
Are we all set until next February?
Or will we keep the spirit going?
Will we be sure they know it and are told it every day?
Will we stop with the people we know or push the feeling beyond our inner circle?

How would that world look?

Why can't it happen?
On October 31, 2011 the world population reached 7 billion people. Too many to reach? It is if you try to do it alone.  According to the Huffington Post it you tried to greet each person one at a time, one per second it would take you 222 years non-stop!
But, if one person told two people per day, who each told two the next day,  who each told two the next day and so on.... thanks to the power of exponential growth, the messsage of love could thoreticallly reach every living person on earth in less than 33 days!

Wouldn't that change the world ? !

Image credit: arquazuarma.blogspot.com

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day.. I already posted a meditation on Sunday about the natural and surprising connections of foster care and Valentine's Day. For the last week I have shared all kinds of ways to tell the people around you how much you care.

So today I just want to say... I love you...

--to each and every person who stops by to read this little blog.

...to each and every person who takes the leap and chooses to give love to a child who was not loved enough.

... to each and every person who helps and supports those who take that leap.

and, of course, to all the wonderful, loving people in my own family and my own life.... 
I love you!


Pass it on!

School Bell: School Valentine Surprise

Dig out or pick up some simple sidewalk chalk, get together some parents or kids or both and give your children's teachers an unusual valentine surprise as they arrive at school tomorrow. 

After the parking lot empties this afternoon, when all the teachers have gone, talk the chalk and fill the walkway at the entrance to the school with messages of appreciation and joy.

What a simple, inexpensive, but pricelessly wonderful way to greet the teachers and staff as they arrive on Valentine's Day tomorrow!

Piggyback idea: Be sure to take some photos.  Come Teacher Appreciation Day or even the end of the school year you can use the photos to make cards for the teachers.

Note: If you are reading this too late for Valentine's Day... use the idea for Teacher Appreciation Day, the end of the school year, or the first day of school.  Start a community tradition!

Image credits:  sidewalkchalk.com, uknow.drew.edu, everydayheartbeats.com

Quick Takes: Instant Valentine Treats

I remember years of spending money on cheap valentine cards that came in classroom size packs and were decorated with the cartoon character du jour from Care Bears to Barney to the Wiggles to Disney to Justin B and teen vampires.

Try this quick and simple idea for older kids who still want to pass out a treat or to take to the office next week.
[I saw these special ordered for a wedding and thought how easy they would be to do at home for Valentine's Day.]

1. Buy a bag of candy kisses or hugs. and a package of round sticker dots [red or pink are particularly good for this].

2. Use a magic marker to write short sayings on the sticker dots.   [Love you, Be mine, Cool, Frends, Be Sweet, etc. etc.] Go traditional or be creative!

3. Peel off each sticker dot and place on the flat bottom of the wrapped candy kiss.

4. Fill a bowl or basket with the kiss and hugs with sticker bottoms


Pass them around and have some quick and easy valentine fun.

Anything Can Happen: Valentine Food Foolishness

A cautionary tale.....

Years ago I decided in one crazy moment to do something especially silly for Valentine's Day to surprise my kids.  I decided to make an all red meal.  Red Velvet Cake was the obvious dessert choice.  

 Red jello salad in a heart shaped molds for a salad was equally easy. Here are plain ones... you can get fancier as you wish.

The main course proved more challenging. I chose ham.

I arranged the slices in heart shapes on each plate.

For veggies I cooked beets [which I knew my children might not eat] and sliced tomatoes [which I knew they liked]. Being particularly inspired I also cut both the beets and the tomatoes with a heart-shaped cookie cutter and arranged them on a plate.. truly heart-ful!

Unfortunately I went one step farther... one step too many.  I added red food coloring to make the mashed potatoes fit the red theme.  Do not try that... it plays tricks with the mind that are transmitted to the taste buds with less than wonderful results.  More than 25 years later, I still am occasionally mocked and berated for that valentine's dinner run amok.  So cut the tomatoes, or beets, make heart shaped salads or red velvet cakes to your heart's content.  Just don't mess with the mashed potatoes!


Image credits: makecakeidea.net, pinehillschool.org, 4littlefergusons.wordpress.com

Parenting Tips: Valentine Scratch-Offs

Get your kids off the couch and get them involved making their own unique valentines with a fun twist....  scratch off messages!

You will need:
index cards [or something similar to use for your messages] or blank cards
dishwashing liquid
a watercolor brush or other small brush
metallic acryllic paint [I like silver or pewter best]*
pieces of clear adhesive paper [such as laminate or Contact® paper] 

How-To:
Make the card and write the secret message that will be covered by the scratch-off paint.

Cover the scratch-off message with small piece of clear adhesive paper to protect it.

Mix the scratch-off paint   [2 parts metallic paint, 2 part dishwashing soap]

Apply one or two coats of paint as needed to cover message, but  be sure to let paint dry between each coat.

Have Fun With This ! !


* You can use red paint for valentine's but it doesn't cover as well or look as good as the metallic paint in my opinion.

Image credits: teachmama.com, artmind-etcetera.blogspot.com

Soapbox: "I Love You" Language Challenge

I found a blog-site post that lists the phrase "I Love You" in 179 different languages! [Click the underlined phrase to check it out!]
  
It focuses on the actual words  "I Love You" and translates it nearly 200 ways, both informal and formal in for languages spoken in hundreds  different countries. 

Let's get ready for Valentine's Day.  I challenge each of us to see how many times we sincerely can say the words "I love you" to people we care for between now and Valentine's Day.  Add in writing the words "I love you" in little notes left for those same people to find as they go about their days.  Maybe you want to do it anonymously, at least for some of the times. Maybe you want to do it for those who may not often hear it.  Maybe you want to focus on a particular person and just lavish them for a week.

Just words you might be tempted to think?  I thought about soapboxing about putting actions behind words. Then I decided that words are not a bad place to start, a way to begin.  Besides, hearing those three words is still music to most people's ears, and the words are beautiful to see and hold.

So check out that blog-site. Maybe you want to leave the words in a different language each time for fun.  See how many you know.  But whatever the language.... let's not hold onto those words right now... this is a great time to set them free and share them generously! 

Image credit: nedya-sygs.blogspot.com

Parenting Tips: New Years Resolutions

In January it seems everyone is focused on New Year resolutions.  The good part of this is that people are trying to improve themselves which gives us a chance to talk to our kids about improving pieces of their lives or their habits.  We also have the chance to model it for them with our own resolutions to improve.  The not so good part is that people can easily fall off the resolution wagon and give up. 

We must teach them how to succeed at changing, not just model how to try and then give up! I am no expert on resolutions or resolution-keeping, but I have found some tricks that have helped me be better at both.  Try these five steps with your kids.

1. Focus on the change. The most important thing is that you/they are trying to do better, to change. Talk about the many opportunities we have for new beginnings.  A new year.  A birthday year older. A new school year.  A new job.  A new month.  A new week. Even a new day is a fresh beginning. Use all of them if need be.

2. Keep resolutions focused on the process not the result.  For example: #2 above is better than #1.  The resolution should be the action that will lead to the goal. This makes success possible in smaller chunks.  If your goal is to be healthier or in better shape [weight, strength, or otherwise] than a list of actions that will help you is a better, more achievable goal than "losing weigh" for example. Just like with eating, the smaller the child, the tougher the food, the smaller the bite! 

3. Think of the changes as specific steps in a plan.  Look at one week at a time.  A year is far too long a chunk for kids.  For younger kids, keep resolutions to day activities. "I will tell mom two things about school each day." or "I will set my alarm clock every night." Not "I will talk to mom more" or "I will get up better." Remember... small bites.

4. Build in flexibility. Remember that the goal is improvement, not perfection.  Build in margins. Do not expect complete or instant change.  Use those small bites to build your skills and your successes. 

How does this work?
Example: I need to relax a bit more to reduce my stress.  Since most of the stresses in my life are outside my control my plan for reducing stress is to build small chunks of down time into my days. My resolution?  "Build in time to relax and unwind." My whiteboard's daily checklist now includes two 15-minute chunks for crafting, two for reading, two for "wasting time" [being still].  My goal is to do at least two of those 15-minute chunks per day.  One day they both might be reading, another day they might be crafting, or 15 min crafting and 15 min just chilling. This makes my chances of building in relaxation far more likely to succeed. Since I have never been good at this I consider succeeding even once a week progress.  When I have managed it once a week, I will try for twice a week, then three times, then four times, etc. using a new week/month as the new beginning for an uptick. See how it works?  If I had a resolution to do 30 minutes a day of crafting, reading, or down time and expected to achieve that every day starting Jan 1st I would probably fail before the end of the first week.  But by using the system above, I feel successful all along, and can at least be confident that I AM building in time to relax and unwind. 

Good luck!

P.S.  Sorry I'm late posting today.   Image credit: motivates4life.com

Soapbox: Happy Holidays?

Christmas is over.  Hanukkah is done.  Kwanza is past.  Even New Year's Eve and Day are behind us.  The next holiday [Martin Luther King Day] has not yet been burdened with gifts or house decorations.  [Yet, being the operative word!]

So, until Valentines Day in February we are entering a holiday-responsibility-free zone. This is a good time to take stock of what worked these holidays and what didn't.

Think about it yourself.  Talk to your spouse and your kids and get their reactions too.  Write down what was most important, or most successful, or most fun, [or even easiest!].

Pack your lists up with your holiday decorations to help you plan more effectively for next year.  OR if you are digitally inclined... make a file and an automatic reminder for next year.   Plan now for a happier holidays 2012.

Image credit: socialmoms.net, my.opera.com

Focus on Fostering: Blessings Cake

As all experienced foster parents know, kids in care often see their lives as bleak, as filled with negatives. Part of our job is to help them recognize what is good in their lives.  One strategy I have used is a "Blessings Cake."

I make their favorite kind of cake and frost it with their favorite flavor icing.  Then I buy whatever their favorite colorful candies are.... M&Ms, Skittles, Mike and Ikes, jelly beans, or gumdrops all work fine.

This year I did it as part of our beginning a new year celebration, though not on New Year's Eve.

Each child received a small dish of one color candies, and there was a bowl of mixed colors as back up.

The kids helped me make the numbers of 2012 in one color candy in the center of the cake.

The set up was simple.... We went around the table and took turns naming people that were a blessing in our lives.

Whoever thought of the person put a candy somewhere on the cake to honor them.  IF the same person had been a blessing to more than one, the others could also add a candy as well. We could also name events or situations [getting braces off, having a warm house, etc.] that were blessings.

I found that by using the candy/cake combo the kids were far more invested in thinking up blessings than if we had just been sitting around as a family having a discussion! [The only start of disagreement was whether to make a design with the candies or just toss them randomly on the cake.]

When we ran out of blessings or candies we shared the cake happily aware of the multitude of blessings which each of us had.

My favorite response? 
"Hey Nana, next year we might need TWO bags of Skittles!"

Back to School-Back to Blog

So, vacation ends at my house tomorrow.
School begins again.
Back to the routine of mornings, laundry, chores and challenges.
And so, too, does the familiar routine I have set for this blog.

     Sundays....Caring Heart meditations
     Mondays... School Bell  [hints and helps for the challenges of school, homework, and learning]
     Tuesdays....Focus on Fostering  [ideas for the special needs of children living in care]
     Wednesdays.... Soapbox  [ramblings, musings, and opinions of mine and others]
     Thursdays... Parenting Tips [ideas for helping all parents with typical situations]
     Friday... Anything Can Happen  [as it says... humor, the unusual, random, whatevers]
     Saturday... Quick Takes  [quotes, recipes, reward ideas, book recommendations, etc.]

Happy New Year!

If you are new to Upbeats and Downbeats... browse around.  Invite a friend.

If you have a topic or question or situation you would like to see a hint for... let me know!

If you preferred the style of Decembers single topic idea let me know.  Otherwise I will continue the 7 day rotation of the last year or so.


Well. I've limbered up my fingers.

I'm ready to go.

Let's get to the tasks of another year...
                    but together!

Image credits: manuelbarbado1.blogspot.com, wunderground.com, scrapbooklady.typepad.com

Caring Heart: Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Oh God, today it is the first day of the year.  I remember the old posters proclaiming, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." How do I help these children accept that idea?  How do I help them learn to look forward, to anticipate positive possibilities? They seem so very stuck, always looking back at all that has gone wrong. They seem unable to believe that their lives can change, that good things can and will happen. How do I lead them to see that part of making that change is to change their view of life, of possibilities, of people? To learn HOPE?  This is the season when so many around the world celebrate the hope that came to earth in the form of a small infant.  Last night,  people everywhere celebrated the end of one year and the beginning of a NEW year. They made resolutions. They dreamed dreams. They set goals. Help these children find hope.  Help them dare to dream.  Help me give them trust in the future, in their future, in themselves. 

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Holidays 101: #28-Predictions for 2012

So far as I know, none of us owns a fully-functioning crystal with which to look into our future.  Even so, the grocery store tabloids are screaming with front-page predictions about almost everyone and nearly everything that could possibly happen in 2012. While I don't encourage children to read the tabloids, it is sometimes fun to use a New Year's Eve to both teach about the untrustworthiness of tabloid journalism [for older kids] and create some family entertainment for this new year AND the next new year's eve.  Here is how it works...........

--Explain about predictions if your children are young.  If they are older maybe grab a typical tabloid to show the range and sometimes silliness of predictions.

--Ask each member of the family to make some predictions for the New Year 2012 and then sign their name to their list.  [Help younger kids by acting as their secretary.]
      +++ include possible accomplishments, activities, and some silly things for fun too!

-- Explain that you will save these lists until next New Year's Eve when you will reopen them and see if anyone got some predictions right! [Maybe stick in a $10 bill for the person who has the most predictions correct??] 

--Make a family ceremony of sealing the predictions in an envelope and marking it "Do NOT open until December 31, 2011" before placing it in a location for safe-keeping. Mark your calendar [paper or digital] to remind you a few days before next New Year's Eve to dig out the envelope and place it in full view, ready for the grand reveal!

Note: Maybe even save those tabloid predictions to see who does better?


Image credit: e-forwards.com, blog.mediatrust.com

Hollidays 101: #27-Year In Review

Lots of morning television shows have spent the last week airing compilations of the previous year's highlights.  The funniest moments.... the most significant stories... the ups ups and downs... you name it.

For some family New Year's Eve fun... create your family's  own Year In Review!

1. Take out some paper as you all sit around the table and have each person write down the most important things that happened during the last year.... If some are too small to write, or don't like to do the writing, then make one master list with you as secretary.
      Idea Starters:
--List accomplishments [ex: first steps, first bike, first job, first A, making it to the top of the jungle gym]
--List challenges [ex: broken arm, new school, friend moving away, lost job, new job]
--List favorite activities [ex: bedtime stories, picking apples, going to the beach or pool, a family vacation, a favorite tv show or game]
--List favorite people [ex: friends, idols, favorite singers or actors]

2. Put the lists into a large manila envelope labeled  "New Year's Eve 2011." Maybe even include a calendar.

3. Take a photo of all of you holding the envelope [with the year showing!]. Or make it one of just the kids holding a banner with the year 2011 in large colorful numbers.

4. Put the photo in the envelope and keep the envelope in a safe place.

5. Next New Year's Eve after you have made your 2012 Year in Review lists.... open the envelope and see how much the other lists have changed from the ones you made New Year's Eve 2011.   Who knows, it might become a family tradition.  In any case... save the envelopes you make as mini-time capsules of your family history!

PS: I am posting this BEFORE New Year's Eve to give you time to get the envelope etc, or to break it over two days with the kids to fill the time or improve vacation dispositions!

Holidays 101: #25- Before the Holiday Cleanup

Things to do before you start packing up the holiday decorations and going back to normal life:

1. Take a photo of the traditional decorations. 
         Is there a wall where you usually hang wreaths of childhood banners?


2. How about a pic of the finished tree?
         Whether the tallest ever, the scrawniest ever, it matters not. For best effect put a card with the year in large letters in front of the tree for the picture.

3. Gather the family for a group shot. 
      Maybe all in pj's?  Maybe a shot of just the kids, then just the grownups? Who knows? It might become a collectible if they become famous!
      [Again, holding a sign with the year makes dating it later much easier.]

4. Take a pic of each child with their favorite gift/s.

Make a tradition of any of these and you can later assemble a wonderful photo book for each child tracing the history of their holidays!

Image credits: she.suleka.com, shelterpop.com, qheonline.com

Holidays 101: #24- Marshmallow Pops

For a quick, fun vacation activity with kids try these:
[Maybe you can make them and save them for a pint-sized New Year's Eve home party!]

Marshmallow Pops

You need:
Lollypop sticks [or in a pinch popsicle sticks]
Bag of large [or giant] marshmallows
Milk chocolate to melt [ex: milk chocolate chips]
Piece of styrofoam

"Toppings":
      Graham crackers [crushed in a baggie with a rolling pin]
      Snowflake sprinkles [or multi-colored sprinkles]
      Peppermint candies [break up in a baggie w/wrench or hammer]
      Other [get creative.... oreo cookie crumbs, toffee chips, etc.]

Directions:
1. Put each marshmallow on a stick.  [Get several ready at a time.]
2. Melt the milk chocolate [with a little oil added for consistency] in microwave.**
3. Dip/roll the marshmallow in the melted chocolate.
4. While still wet, roll the chocolate covered marshmallow in a topping of your choice.
5. Stick the Pops into the styrofoam or clay to cool and "dry"

6. Eat or put in baggies to save for later. [For gifts, bag two or three and tie with ribbon.] 

ENJOY ! !

** When melting chocolate in a microwave it helps to add a bit of Crisco.  I usually microwave it for about 20 seconds, then stir, then repeat for 15 seconds, then 10 seconds etc. till the chocolate stirs easily.

Holidays 101: #22-Peace

In the midst of all the chaos and confusion and stress of a holiday season, it is too easy to lose track of what is truly important.  For those of you with children old enough ... Take a few minutes today.  Make space in your day.  Share this quote with them and talk about what it means, why it is so important, and how you can find that calm. 

May you always have and give the gift of finding and holding calm in your hearts!

Holidays 101: #21- Last Minute Gift Rescues

Have you ever been half-way ready for a holiday and then suddenly gotten the flu and lost precious days? I have.  If so, you know what it is like to desperately need gifts that do not require you leaving the house to purchase, or the time to battle the last-minute crowds.  Here are a few ideas in each category that I hope will help.

Young kids...
--Lego gift cards online.... [Did you know they can even order piece by piece online?]
--gift card to fast food of choice
--pass for an activity [indoor funpark, kids museum, whatever]
--gift card for donut or bagel or breakfast spot

Mid kids...
--membership for a summer funpark
--museum membership [science, art, history, aquarium whatever their interest]
--certificate for lessons [karate, tennis, dance, whatever]
--certificate for the electronics [iTunes card, minutes for phone, for gamestore, whatever

Away from home kids...
--gift cards/certificates for pizza and sub delivery
--postage, envelopes, and address labels
--movie gift certificates [theaters or rentals]
--certificates to laundry services or mending services

Adults...
--trial audio membership  [audible.com is my favorite]
--local gym month membership  or sport center membership
--movie gift certificates [theaters or rentals]
--certificate for pampering [spa, massage, nails, hair, whatever] 

Family...
--calendar with birthdays and anniversaries labeled
--current photos
--gift card for dinner or movie out
--gift card for pool or family activity membership/event

Someone struggling...--grocery store gift card
--gift card for gas
--gift credit to their utility company
--gift card to a drug store/pharmacy/convenience store
--gift card for family activity membership/event

Image credits: sodahead.com, articles.nydailynews.com,






             

Holidays 101: #20- Make a Schedule!

To get away from tangible gifts or traditions for a day, I want to share a less expected tradition.  Make a schedule.  I don't mean a plan for getting all the food cooked and on the table at the right time.  I don't mean a schedule for getting ready for the big day or days.  I mean a schedule for that you share with the kids so they know what to expect.

Especially in today's world of media hype and greeting card images, people's expectations for a holiday vary greatly.  This can create something as simple as a misunderstanding to as challenging as a poorly timed tantrum.  Much can be avoided if everyone knows roughly what is going to happen.  Even if it isn't what they WANT to happen, most can adjust IF they KNOW AHEAD.

Make a rough plan for the day.  Talk about it with your kids... not just once, often.  Listen to their reactions and tweak the plan if needed and possible. Talk about it with your spouse, your relatives, with anyone who is involved on that day.  Settle differences ahead...before they become disputes.

For example in my house some of the decisions to be made each year include:
What time can the kids get up?
Do they have to wait for the grownups?
Will the kids get their stocking before or after breakfast?
Will they have to get breakfast cleaned up before opening presents?
Do we open gifts one at a time or as they come?
Do all gifts get opened at one spell or scattered through the day?
Will the main meal be at noon?  mid-afternoon?  evening?
Will we be visiting anyone that day?  Will anyone be visiting us that day?
Is anyone staying at the house and if so, who is giving up a room?
When relatives call, do we all stop until the call is over?
What is the plan for cleanup.... of gifts?  of dinner?
What time is bedtime...the night before?   that night?  naptimes?



Once you have made the decisions, you may even want to post the rough schedule [with pictures or icons for any little ones] someplace kids can see it, to remind them and so they can predict what happens when and what is coming next during the big day.

Doing the planning and deciding and discussion ahead is KEY to a smoother, more enjoyable holiday.  Making and posting the rough calendar is an added bonus advantage that increases your chances of avoiding meltdowns, frustrations, etc.

No clever pictures today.  This is about deciding your own picture of a holiday.
No toy recommendations. This is about a different kind of gift.

Just the hope that this idea may provide the gift of a bit more calm, a bit more joy, a bit more pleasure.
Hoping you all have great and truly

Holidays 101: #19- Rule of Four revised

Lately there has been a lot of buzz on blogs about the gift-giving "Rule of Four."  I have seen it so many places I have NO idea who to credit, and I find it a good start but missing two key pieces.  The pattern  rhymes and is easy to remember. It is--

                 Something they want.

                       Something they need.

                       Something to wear.

                       Something to read.
Not bad, is it?  There is some overlap possible, and it covers a good balance. BUT it leaves out a few things I consider key to great and balanced gift giving.....

As I have said in my last few posts, I think you also need to have something to do, something that people can do/share together, and something that is handmade or created or done for someone, not just things that are bought.  Sooooooo ... here is my revision of the Rule of Four.  You can still give just four gifts if you choose, but whatever number of gifts you choose, cover the following ideas.

Something they want

Something they need

Something to wear

Something to read

Something to share

Something to do

Especially nice is a

gift made by you.