Parenting Tips: Final Calm Spot Hints

I've posted about recommended creating a Calm Spot instead of Naughty Chair [March 22]

I've posted about  how to use a Calm Spot  [March 29]

Last Thursday was ideas of what to put in a Calm Spot to help your child regain calm. [April12]

Today some final thoughts 

Remember that the goal is to help your child understand, recognize, and manage their feelings in a way that helps your household maintain a more calm, less streessful, less emotional atmosphere.

Two Key Points: 

1- The child should help pick the Calm Spot and the items for the Calm Box. 

This is part of teaching the child to recognize their own style, what helps, etc. It also teaches the assumption that there are things that DO help. 

2- Do this when all is well with the child.  

That's when you explain that when s/he needs to calm down s/he can go to his spot and use the box until s/he feels calm or until thinks /she can come back and be ok. 

Three ways they might go to their Calm Spot:  

1.They can ask to use the calm spot if they think they need it.  

2. You might suggest the calm spot if something you see makes you think they need it. 

3. They may say no once.  But if in a few minutes you see that they still need it, you, as the grownup in charge, might insist that they spend at least some time in their calm spot.  

 [Some families make these into rules and post them for older kiddos.]

Miscellaneous extra ideas:

1- Consider having your older kids serch online for images or photos that are calming. Print them and make a calming notebook of those images, or post them in their calm spot.

2-Research calming techniques online for them OR for you. There are apps that help with relaxation [ex: breathe2relax] and online relaxation sites [ex: www.calm.com].

Go for it!     and     Good Luck!  

I hope this series has helped.

Image credit and thanks to: chir.ag,

Quick Takes: Kids Easy-Bake Chicken Recipe

Today's Quick Take is an easy recipe for kids learning to cook.

Easy Coated Chicken:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cut boneless chicken into chunks.
Shake [in a small bag] or dredge to coat with dry salad dressing mix.
            [We use1-2 packets of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Mix]
Place chicken on a cooking sheet and put in the oven to bake.  [I usually turn it once halfway thru]
Bake 30-40 minutes depending on size of chunks and your oven.

[For best food safety teach your kiddos to use a food thermometer to check internal temp. Safe for chicken is 160 degrees]

That's IT.... Two ingredients. No fuss. No stirring.

Try it tonight!


PS: It works with pork too!

Quick Takes: Easy Kid's Chicken/Pork Recipe

Okay, I'm both late posting and no pictures to offer.  My phone/camera for some reason is refusing to send pictures and after fighting with it for most of the morning I am giving up and posting without them! Sorry bout that folks.  Trust me... this recipe looks delicious when made.  [My grandson made it last night for the demo pictures that I can't seem to transfer!]

I think one of the best tools for independent living is the skill of making easy, nutritious meals independently.  Here is a great, kid-friendly recipe for chicken or pork.

Easy Ranch Chicken or Pork

chicken or pork [I use boneless breasts or pork chops] enough to serve the family
1-2 envelopes of dry ranch dressing mix [depending on meat quantity and size pieces]

1. Cut the chicken or pork into manageable sizes. [Pork chops do not require cutting, but chicken cooks faster if cut into chunks or strips.
2. Roll the meat in the dry dressing mix till coated at least lightly. [If easier put the mix in a plastic bag and shake the meat around until covered.]
3. Cook meat in non-stick pan or electric griddle, stirring as needed to be sure meat is thoroughly cooked.  [If pan is not non-stick you might need to add a bit of oil, but we use no oil with our non-stick griddle, just the liquid the cooking meat makes. ]

That's it. That's all there is to it!  Serve with rice or noodles or potatoes and vegetables and/or salad.
It is delicious, easy even for kids, fast, AND healthy to boot!

P.S. If I get the dang camera working I will add the pictures later!

Soapbox: Wanted...Home Ec

When I was in school [many, many years ago] there was a strict division of genders...in phys ed, but also in high school when the girls went to home economics and the boys took woodshop. By the time I became a teacher myself, it was clear that gender equity was needed.  Girls wanted in to wood shop and automotives.  Boys were less interested in home ec.  Within 10 years budget cuts finally took their toll and home economics was completed eliminated.  Not shop. Home Ec.  Like many communities it has been decades now since the last cooking, sewing, child development, or home budgeting class was held for regular education and college prep kids.

WHY?  It seem to me that home economics is the one skill that EVERYONE needs. The ability to run a household and to have the skills to live independently should be the baseline not the frill.  Perhaps if more of today's citizens had learned checkbook balancing, budgeting, and the economics of running and maintaining a home, some of our current fiscal problems might have been avoided.

Now, I'm not recommending a return to gender split classes! Neither am I recommending that all 7th grade girls sew vests and aprons and skirts, as I had to do.  But since pretty much speaking all kids will eventually live in a home, perhaps some education on how to do that would be a good idea! How to mend a tear, how to prepare food safely, the basics of child development and budgeting. Why is it only available to the severely handicapped students, occasionally the voc ed students?  Bring back home economics. It is NOT a frill!

Image credit:  popartmachine.com, parentseyes.arizona.edu,

Focus on Fostering: The need for space

I talked last week about the social code of personal space, but today is not about conversational space, but space away by yourself.  Some parents think their children [especially adolescents and teens] are spending too much time alone, holed up with their video games or computers or facebook, or just isolated via headphones.  But although that isn't time spent with family... it isn't alone time either.

Kids need to learn how to be alone in their own personal space with time to think, to tinker, to read, to daydream, even to fall asleep.  Possibly the only teens who understand that are those who must share a bedroom with a sibling.  They are painfully aware of not having a place to go to be in their OWN space.  Parents need their own space too.  I suspect it is a basic human need of a sort.  The need to occasionally withdraw, to regroup, to rejuvenate, or just to be ,,, but to be alone.

I think children in care particularly benefit from having a space that is theirs. A space where they can cry, or be angry, or admit they are happy, or admit they have lost so much.  I think we as foster parents need to find ways to teach them how to find space and time to be alone.  Teaching them to find personal quiet at a beach, or on their bedroom floor, or in a field. Teaching them how to claim space and privacy in healthy ways.

After all...

everybody needs alone time.









Image credits:  ourfamilyforhisglory.blogspot.com, waileadailyphoto.blogspot.com, secularcafe.org

Parenting Tips: Family Rules..Pt 4: Privacy Rights

One family rule that is easy to forget is privacy.  When a child invades your privacy you are annoyed, and when a parent invades a child's privacy they are outraged [especially adolescents!]. Head both problems off by establishing family rooms about privacy.  Areas you should be sure to cover:

Digital--
Be sure your children understand that NOTHING on the internet or email or text is private EVER. Keep them safe from others and from themselves. There is no way to keep ditial information private, no matter how hard you try.

School Lockers-
Kids need to know school lockers are not personal space.

Home: [bedrooms, dressers, purses, etc]  Decide what your family rules are about personal space for children of different ages.

Bodies:  The first step of sex education  safety is teaching children that their bodies are private space.

Take the time to think carefully and decide what rules will fit your family.  Once you have decided, make sure everyone understands.  Don't forget this important aspect of family life. 

Image credits:  vator.tv, ctlawtribune.com, examiner.com, brynmawrautobdy.com

Parenting Tips: Family Rules pt 2-- 5 W's

With a new school year starting, you can expect your children to ramp up the requests.  Whether it is a preschool playdate, an elementary student getting invited over after school, a middle school hang out at the playground, or a jr high trip to the mall, or a high school party with friends, kids will always be asking permission for this or that adventure. 

Family rules…Remember the guidelines in last week's post about starting early and modeling. It is a KEYto heading off teenage whines of "It's not fair!" etc.

The reward for all that early work?  If you have always answered these questions for them and have helped them answer those questions for you from early on, sharing this kind of information will become automatic communication style in your home.

In my home I use the 5 W's plus H.  The list is posted on my door just to remind me and my adolescents.  They know that if they want a thumbs up "Yes" to their request, they should come to me prepared with the answers to the 5 Ws and H.  I even made a small wallet-sized version for one child who often called me from school with her requests. Here is my list... What is yours?

Who ?   

Who are you going with and who will be there?

What ? 

What do you need to bring and What are you planning to do?

Where?

Where will you be if there is an emergency and I need to reach you and where else should I check if you are not there?

When?

When do you plan to be back and When should I worry if you aren’t back yet?

Why?

Why should I feel safe letting you go and Why do you feel safe with your plans?

How? 

How will you reach me if you need help getting home and How can I help you?

Image credits: publishing.wsu.edu,thenakedhero.com

Focus on Fostering: Prepare the Unexpected... pt 1

[Running late this morning.. sorry 7 am readers.]

Surprises can be really tough for foster children for whom safety is only found in the predictable.  But surprises are a part of life and helping them learn to be comfortable with surprises is the first step to being able to enjoy them.

Today- Step One: Do something unexpected but that allows THEM control.

My kids favorite for this is our "Random Ride."  Remember the fun of driving your own amusement car? Take the fun out of the park. When we get in the car for a "Random Ride" the kids are in charge of two things: length and location.

Length: First we set a limit for the maximum time we can be gone, but they can control it by making it shorter anytime they want. That way if it becomes to much anxiety for them they can call Time and I immefiately have to drive home by the shortest route. [I explain ahead that how long that takes will depend on where we have driven and at any point along the ride they can ask me how long it would take to get home from there.]

Location:  The kids are in charge of where we go... not in destination [unless they are really good at the game!].  We decide ahead whether it is a LOOP drive [no stopping and getting out, just eventually home] or a STOP AND GO drive [each child has one "stop here" card good for a 5 minute stop anyplace they think looks interesting].  On really special occasions each child may also be given a "money card" good for $1-2 they can spend at a place they or a sibling choses to stop.  Money cards are NOT given on every Random Ride.

After we get in the car each child [in rotation between children] gets to choose which way the driver goes at each intersection..right, let, straight [within traffic restrictions of course].  Sometimes they try to make me drive in circles just for fun, sometimes they have a route in mind, and sometimes they begin to get adventurous and try to see if they can find someplace new... or even get me lost! [P.S. It's great pre-training for later driving!]

You can do this as simply as you choose.  These are just modifications that we develooped over the years to add a sense of safety and a sense of fun.  We've also modified it for family walks. Notice the balance of planning ahead for predictability and room for serendipity.  As your kids get more comfortable they will become more adventurous and you can do less and less preplanning and more and more surprises.  Try it!

Image credits:  beeswithhoney.com, gocanada.about.com, languageshaping.com

Parenting Tips: Healthy, Kid-fixable Snacks

Summer is a great time to teach you kids how to work some snack magic in the kitchen.  Start by working closely with them if they are young. [You may always need to do some of the cutting prep ahead if they are very young.] But at a very young age they can participate and research shows that children eat more happily what they help prepare.

Little by little give them more and more independence.  With luck and practice by the time school starts they will be able to share or even take over responsibility for preparing school snacks that are healthy and that make them happy.  You still have time... go for it!

Veggie Coins...
Slice summer squash, zucchini, etc. and lay out on pan.  Top with shedded cheese and roast to melt cheese.  Add pepper or seasoning if desired.  Add pine nuts if desired.  Eat as is or put on a cracker. This is a recipe you can do a bunch at a time for several snacks, or just a few in a toaster oven. You can also make them for appetizers, family movie night healthy snacks, or even a dinner side.

Fruit Salad...Frozen or fresh

Gather an assortment of your child's favorite fruits, cut to bite size, mix, and put in container for cooler bag. 

Depending on the fruit I like to help the kids make up a bunch of these in freezable containers, freeze and grab one each day for snack.  The fruit thaws but is generally still cold by snack time.  P.S.  Also a great way to sneak in new fruits a few nibbles mixed in. 

Ants on a Log.... the sequel

With peanut butter banned from more and more schools due to severe allergies, try changing up the traditional ants on a log by using flavored or plain cream cheese in place of the peanut butter. If weight is an issue, try subsituting low fat cottage cheese that is drained a bit.

Note:  I am having trouble with my internet access for some reason which is making some of my posts late in posting online.  I am trying to get it fixed. Hang in there with me. Thanks!


Image credits: kraftrecipes.com, flickr.com, restomanifesto.com, f

Soapbox: Independence and Irony

Yesterday I had the chance to spend the morning talking with several social workers at a local family agency, who work particularly with youth and adults whose ability to live independently is or may be compromised.  I mentioned that I hadn't decided what to chat about today.  After seeing one of my long-held theories hit home for some I decided I had found my topic.  Not a more typical rant, but a sad, ironic observation and conclusion.

Observation: 
Is is a painful irony that in our American society those young people who are least prepared, least likely, and least able to be successful at living independently are forced to live independently two, four, or even six years sooner than those young people who are most prepared and most able.


This is true whether you are considering their intellectual ability, their emotional ability, their skills level, their instincts or anything else.  This is true whether you consider kids exiting foster care, kinship care,or adoptive and biological families.  Are there occasional exceptions, yes. But, they are occasional if not rare.

The most able of our young people do not have to live independently when they become legal adults at age 18. They move out of home and into a different kind of "supported transitional community"--- a two year community college or trade school, a four year college, some even extend their transition time to include graduate school. They don't face the challenges of independent living until they are in their twenties, sometimes their late twenties.

Image the difference in brain development, skill acquisition, street smarts, social skills, work skills, organizational ability, responsibility, trust, judgement etc etc etc between a 12 year old and an 18 year old.  Now consider the difference between an 18 year old and a 22-24 year old! Consider the illustration above [I couldn't find an image for 12-24 but there are lots of heavy scientific studies and even more plain language reports]:

And then there are finances.  These most able young people generally enter the job marketplace at income levels far about those of the 18 year olds entering the marketplace with a high school diploma at best.  This allows them the luxury of budget and spending mistakes with more opportunity to fix their mistakes than young people living check to check, often with no support system that comes close to the systems available to their older, more able counterparts.

Conclusion: 

If we are not willing and able to prepare these less able young people for successful independent living, or to support them more effectively through their transition to independence, we will end up supporting a large percentage of them through jails, shelters, welfare programs, and other less effective, more expensive bandaid, patchwork approaches. 

If we want the maximum number of people to become contributing members of our society the first step is enabling, training, educating, supporting all young people to be successful at living to the greatest possible degree of independence to which they are able. We need to make independent living skills as important to school curriculums as math, or science, or anything else. 

Image credits: bradstow.wandsworth.sch.uk, pps.k12.or.us, ehow.com

Caring Heart: Independence

This weekend marks a time when the citizens of what would become these United States of America worked to achieve independence from a country that had been their "parent." So I choose this meditation about our children moving toward that same milestone as individuals.  

Getting Ready for Independence

They are getting better at it.  Little by little they are gaining the skills to be independent.  The more independent they can be, the less they are at risk of someone taking advantage of them.  That someone will try to control them.  That control will evolve into risk, fear or abuse.  They can now cook a mix of lunches and suppers.  They can make a grocery list and stick to it.  They can make deposits, and yes, withdrawals from a bank.  They can check the oil in a call and know to call road service if they get a flat or break down by the roadside.  They can figure out which toilet paper on the shelf is cheapest and still decent quality.  They know what secrets to keep and when an adult must be told, when to do it themselves and when to recognize the need for help.  They know courteous people are better liked.  The know the importance of preparation for work, for school, for life. They may not always use their skills, they they have them.  They may not always choose the good choices, but they know the difference and the consequences. They are almost ready.  Many people never even come close. This has been a long journey, sometimes fun, sometimes hard, often painful, but they are almost there.  Thank you.

  

"The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover. 

Quick Takes: Easiest Peanut Butter Cookie Recipe Ever!

A perfect first cookie recipe for your kids !

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg

Mix together well. Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet.
Flatten with a fork [or hand] if you want.

Bake till light brown on the edges.

Warning.... they are addictive! My kids [and I] love them.  After once or twice even young children can make them without help. My kids love taking them to church suppers, school bake sales,  or giving as gifts and saying...
I made them all by myself !


Image credit: life123.com

QuickTakes: "Kids List" 1-10

For years I have had a "Kids List."  I wanted a fancy name  or a cute name or a symbolic name, but so far all I have come up with is "Kids List."  Think of a "bucket list" [things to do before you kick the bucket] but not as depressing.  My "Kids List" is things I wish all kids could get to experience before they are grown up and move on to independence.  Some are easy, some short. Some are for little kids, some won't happen [or shouldn't happen] until much later. But if I could wave a magic wand I would give each of my kids all 304 of these experiences before they leave my nest. [Yeah, I tried Nest List but that didn't sound exciting either.]

             Kids List #1-10

  1. Milk a cow
  2. Learn to swim
  3. Learn to sew on a button
  4. Carve a pumpkin
  5. Visit a national park
  6. Go to a country fair
  7. Look inside a manhole
  8. Stay in a hotel
  9. Ride a subway
10. Hold a seastar [starfish] in your hand

So about once a month my Quick Takes entry will be from my Kids List. Hope you try some of these with your kiddos.  In fact, maybe some will be new even to you!


Photo Credit: sitejerk.com

School Bell: Homework Wars..part 1--Time out!

Mondays are now reserved for school topics.... Today I am starting a series on hints for helping win the homework wars. Clearly it has to be a series of Mondays because no one solution can eliminate all homework battles. [If you know the perfect solution.. write the book and you will soon make a fortune.]

Homework Battle Weapon #1... Time out!

When children begin having real homework they often have bouts of fearfulness and insecurity. Some children are luck and need little help. Others need a great deal of support to be successful. So, how do you balance giving helpful support and encouraging independent work? Invest in a timer! If your child is easily distracted do NOT get one like in the picture... the ticking will keep them from ever getting anything done. But you don't need a fancy one, just on that can accurately show minutes individually so that your child can see the time dwindling away. This strategy works best if you start it as soon as your child has any homework... even a coloring page for a kindergartener! Explain to your child that you are there for help, but they need to work some by themselves too. Show them how to use the timer to mark the four-part cycle:

1. First 5 minutes : The child does as much as they can. They skip the parts they need help with and go one to do as much as they can alone. [During this time in the beginning you can sit at the table or stay in the same room with them for reassurance, but doing something of your own because they are not to interrupt you for help in this section.] If they ask, just remind them to circle it so you can help them with it in the next 5 minutes.

2. Second 5 minutes: Come over and sit next to them. Help them with any of the ones they had to skip. Explain each step to them as you walk them through the harder ones together so they learn how to do it themselves.

3. Third 5 minutes: The child goes back to working independently. [They can still skip ones they get stuck on, to return to later.]

4. Fourth 5 minutes: The child gets a 5 minute break from homework. Have them physically get up from their desk or table and move around a bit. Maybe get some fresh juice or water from the kitchen, or grab a couple of carrots or apple slices, go to the bathroom.... whatever.

Repeat as needed. The 5 minute breaks will teach your child to give themselves physical breaks so that they can stay better focused the rest of the time and be fresher. It teaches them to wait to get help... a key skill in the classroom as well as during home homework. If frees you from constant barrage of help questions and yet allows them to feel your presence, support, and be able to count on getting your help during that part of the cycle.

Three Stages of Independence... or: Will I ever sleep in again?

This morning I was up bright and early. Yesterday I was up early [though not very bright]. Tomorrow I expect I will be up early again. I can barely remember what it is like to sleep in with the calm, confident abandon demonstrated daily by my adolescent and teen kiddos. Having raised at least nine children I have come to some conclusions not usually covered in child development books. They often write about the stages of independence a child moves through but they always seem to overlook the milestones of morning wakening. Here is my take:

#1- NO independence--

Children who are too young to be safe and independent in the house will always wake up early in the morning, preventing you from a slow rousing, much less of joy of sleping in. This will continue until the age the child could be safely allowed to get up and about by themselves. If when you awake you discover a happy child playing amid unintended household disruption.... they are still not safe enough for you to oversleep or sleep in.

#2- WISHFUL independence--

As soon as your child is safe up alone they will begin randomly switching from early risers to late risers. This is part of their instinctively devious biological plot to keep you on your toes, never relaxed enough to really let go and plan a morning to sleep in. At this stage you will be tempted to sleep in but beware... the moment you do, you will awake to find they have discovered the joy of making living room sandboxes using ricekrispies for sand or some other temporary disaster.

#3- SAFE indepence--

The third stage is when the children are old enough to be actually useful in the morning [to get some work done, to help the younger ones get up and dressed, to even just get themselves up and ready]. You will sigh, and think "Well, if I can't sleep in, at least they can be useful." Not so fast. At this point they will always sleep in. Not only will they sleep in, but getting them up will require almost as much effort as watching a toddler who is already up.

Anyone find a different pattern? Any solutions? Some of my friends suggested that one of the empty-nest joys is that you finally get to sleep in when you choose, without fear or guilt. We'll see. I'm still waiting.

Summer Camp Goodbyes

OK, so we made it to the summer camp and back without major trauma. Yes, the day or two before were filled with anxiety based disagreements and hassles, but we made it. The day before she left she was antagonizing and irritating everyone in the house in an almost nonstop onslaught.  At one point I took her for a walk with me [partly in an attempt to put opposing forces in separate corners before the next round could begin!]. On the walk I told her a "story" about a time her brothers were getting ready for camp and were getting nervous.  I explained that they were realizing how much they would miss all of us but didn't want to admit it to us or to themselves.  So, they started fights with everybody so it would be easier for them to leave and maybe they wouldn't miss us as much.  I asked her if she thought that made sense.  She nodded without looking at me.  I asked if she ever felt like that. Another nod.  I asked if she thought that was why she was fighting so much right then.  Her big eyes finally met mine for a slight moment and she nodded sadly before hugging me tightly.  Now I would like to say that after our walk the rest of the day went much better.  Not so.  But at least I knew. And, she knew I knew. 

          I was surprised to see that [at twelve and a half] she still packed her old precious "Lovey" from years before. [See the entry from Sept 8, 2009 for a description.] I am even more surprised [and impressed] that she could find it immediately in a room that is rarely cleaned up and organized for more than a day or two despite repeated cleanupa. I have long since forgotten what wishes and blessings we tucked inside while making it. Probably she has forgotten too. Clearly it still provides her some comfort and reassurance. Hooray for Loveys!

           By now she has probably felt a moment of panic and perhaps reached out to make a new friend. Sooner or later she will make some. Maybe after her first meal or two there she has decided whether the food there will be good or hopeless. Either way she will be fed. She either slept well, fitfully, or very little. Whichever the case, she will survive. Perhaps she will even thrive.  Not that she is likely to admit it to me.  I hope she will have a great time.

Tame the Schol Paper Pile.... some refinements

In my last entry I gave the basics of my solution to staying dry in the deluge of papers and creations pouring out of backpacks each day  after school.  here are some little details that I have added along the way when I can.

1- Handprints: As each child gets a drawer I have them paint their hand and make a painted hand print on the front of the drawer.  As years pass the hands look smaller and smaller making it fun for them to see.  They also try fitting their hands into the prints of older siblings.  [They have asked if they could add a new print each year.  I decided that putting a hand print each year on paper and adding it to their file was the compromise.]

2. School pictures:  The inevitable leftover photos go in that year's folder.  I now try to put a photo of each child on [or near] the first day of school on the file folder for that grade. Sometimes I add another one on the last day of school as well. These are not necessarily the school pictures, more often snapshots I have taken, but school pictures could be used instead if that were simpler. [You could keep a separate folder just for the annual school pictures if you preferred.]

3. Special Education:  Since I have kids who are in special education [now called instructional support in my state] I have also added a folder for all the annual or triennial testing and another folder for the annual plans and reports. I find this is easier when I need to locate them rather than trying to remember which year's folder to search. 

4. Report Cards:  I keep the report cards in the grade level folder, but a friend who has adopted this system keeps the report cards all together in a separate folder from the papers. Whatever works is fine!

5. Testing/Assessment Reports: With so many states requiring standardized testing on a regular basis, the use of a separate folder for standardized assessments, similar to the folder I use for special education testing might be helpful.

6. Transitions: I use these folders to help the transition from year to year.  Part of the end of the school year tradition is emptying the current year folder. The only thing that stays in it over the summer is any "next year" paperwork [summer reading lists, supply lists for the following year etc.]. Part of getting ready in August is one last look through the previous year's papers, talking about the successes and progress of the last year and goals for the next year. [Sometimes the process even leads to more winnowing of the papers!] Depending on the age [and personality] of the child, school shopping may lead to a modeling of the "first day" outfit and a snapshot for the new grade start of school year photo. 

7. Independence:  At some point I start gradually turning over responsibility for the school file to the child. When varied greatly from child to child. Some ended up managing it almost by themselves, others needed my help straight through.  It is really fun if a year or so after graduation you can sit down with your 19 or 20 year old and go through their school years grade by grade, reminiscing. The end result can be a small file that is theirs to keep to perhaps show their children one day.  [Side note: For those of you with stacks of notes etc. from special education meetings or interventions over the years, it can be very healing to be able to pick just a few to show the challenges and the growth and then to let all the rest go.... maybe even have a small bonfire to celebrate!]
turn over at some point

I hope these ideas help some of you and spark more ideas you can share in return!

Tame the school Paper Pile ! ... the basic system

As I sort and purge things that somehow never got organized in my room it seemed logical to take today's blog to talk an organizing success. I have a super successful system for taming the avalanche of papers that come home from school with children. As the mom of five at a time, the paper seemed to spew out of backpacks like the constantly threatening stream of lava in the movie "Volcano." Given the previous discussion about the advantages of hindsight with repeated parenting cycles, I have finally hit on a solution that works... at least for us.

I use a four-drawer file cabinet [since I am currently raising a sib group of four. ] If you are starting with a new kindergartener you could even start with a single file drawer. Each child has their own drawer. In each drawer there are a series of file folders.... one for each grade of school plus an expandable pocket bottom file marked CURRENT YEAR which stays in the front.

Since I have kids involved in special ed [or instructional support as my school system now calls it] I also have a folder marked "Testing" and a folder marked "IEPs" [Individual Educational Plan]. I'm sure each state has their own acronyms and alphabet soup so adapt it to fit your family.

Whenever papers come home they are celebrated with the requisite enthuiasm, oohed and ahhed over, and then go one of two places: the refrigerator [generally only one is chosen for this honor] or the "current year" folder in their file drawer. When the next refrigerator worthy page goes up, the old exhibit goes in the "current year" folder as well. When the "current year" folder begins to bulge the child and I sit down together and sort through the papers, choosing usually 5-10 to keep in the folder and tossing the rest. [OK, I confess, sometimes I do a presort myself.] This process repeats throughout the year as needed. [Younger children generally need more frequent sorts because they bring home far more "treasures" than middle or high schoolers.]

Part of the end of the school year celebration is the last sort through.... choosing some of the best work, some of the favorite work, and sometimes a silly piece or two. The final [much smaller!] collection is put in a regular folder, marked with the grade, the calendar years, the school and the teacher. The "Current Year" stands empty and waiting for the fall. [It will need occasional replacing as it tends to get worn and beaten.]

That's it. Nothing elaborate. Nothing complicated. Nothing high-maintenance. But it works. And it has continued to work for close to a decade now. [Boy do I wish I could say that for all my attempts at organizing the house!] The kids enjoy the sorting and selecting and seem perfectly fine tossing most papers of their own accord when they revisit the file through the year. Give the school file a try and let me know how it works. Next entry I will share some of the little extras I have found helpful with this file system.

Teen Driving

Wooo hoo! On of my cherubs passed the drivers test today! Now, when I first took on the last set of cherubs I said there were two things I would never do again... pull baby teeth out and teach another teenager to drive and parallel park. Well, one out of two is better than none. After failing the test a month ago, the test was overcome today and there is one more driver on the road.

Not all children can learn to drive a car. Not all children should learn to drive a car. Its not the end of the world to be an adult who can't drive. It means you must choose housing near a public transportation system or near where you work and shop. As I deal with fender benders, excise taxes, registration, repairs, oil changes, ad infinitum, I sometimes think that the non drivers are the smart ones. But for teens, it is a rite of passage that is painful to be excluded from experiencing. How do you explain to peers that your reading skills aren't up to the task of speed reading all the signs you must pay attention to while driving? How do you explain if your medical condition makes it impossible for you to drive? Or your emotional issues?

Teens cannot always chose to hook a ride with someone else, and may not have ready access to public transportation. No teen wants to be driven by a parent, no matter how willing. And then there are other complications... dating for one. Teens who are unable to learn to drive may also lack judgment skills or impulse control. If they hook rides, they are at even greater risk of riding with an impaired driver.

So maybe I need to remember that when I groan inwardly [or perhaps frown and growl outwardly] about the hours of driving, supervising, trying to teach skills while hiding white knuckles during a too sharp turn, or the terror face after a g-force defying stop. I am lucky that this one can learn to drive, is now blessed with that new found independence that is another step toward independent living. Even more... I can be glad that I can go back to driving myself around... at least until the next one asks for a driver's permit and the cycle begins again. Woo hoo!

Two points and three cheers for fiscal planning

It is a tradition in my house to go out to dinner as a family on the first day of school. It began when I was teaching school full time and was a single parent with fiver small children. By the time I got my classroom ready, my kids ready , me ready and all of us up, dressed, fed, bags packed, and through the school doors on time, I felt spent ..and the day of teaching had not even begun. I could barely make it through the afternoon of each first day. My exhaustion left me totally uninterested in fixing a nice dinner for the kids who had also survived their first day of school and deserved a good meal. So, making lemons of lemonade, a tradition was born that continues deades later, even now that I am no longer teaching school and the children that began the tradition are now sending their own children off to school.

This year I was in Nashville at the conference on the kids' first day of school. I expected the kids to ask if I could leave money for the sitter to take them out that night. Instead they came to me with a different proposal. They suggested that since I had expected to take them out but couldn't... perhaps there was "extra" money in the food budget for that week. They proposed that the money I would have spent on dinner be divided among the children and put toward the cell phones they are trying to maintain. Mind you, I pointed out that I am not willing to trade all family events for their simple dollar cost. I reminded tham that not everything's value can be measured in dollars and cents. However, I agreed that this was a unique situation and I agreed to their proposal. Score one point for fiscal planning on their parts!

They also suggested that since I was going to be away, instead of the babysitter masking the meals, perhaps they could earn extra money by making the meals themselves while I was gone. Now, in the cold harsh reality of that week, not every child actually made the appointed meanl and earned their money. But that wasn't what made me happy. What pleased me was noticing with great joy this second sign of fiscal planning. This was the first time they have initiated a plan to earn money for a goal. Setting goals and breaking them into realistic plans is a crucial skill for future independence... especially in budget terms! Wooo hoooo..Score two points for the kids!!