Parenting Tips: Building Values

Ok, so I decided that I didn't want to completely skip today. But, I did want everyone to get a chance to see my Wednesday post, even though it was late going up.  

So for today's parenting tip.. how about taking a few minutes to talk to your child [at their language level] about yesterday's quote from Hubert Humphrey?  How do they treat the "least of them"?

If they are preschool, talk to them about how they treat their younger sibling, or younger neighbor. Start teaching them to reach out to help up.

If they are in elementary school, talk to them about including new kids, left-out-kids, and special needs kids.  Talk to them about reaching out to the older folks in their neighborhood, church, synagogue, etc.

If they are in 5th grade or above, talk to them about it as it relates to how they choose or measure their friends or the kids they admire. How do their friends treat the least of them?  Do they bully them?  Do they help them?  Do they ignore them?  Do they include them?  And on a simpler level encourage them to make get well phone calls to kids out sick for example, or to surprise an elderly neighbor with some homemade brownies they help make.

Help our children learn that it is not just governments that are judged by their choices but each of us as individuals too. For middle school and high school it is often seen on the playground, the lunch room, and the hall ways. It's not just those who actually do the excluding, the bullying, the ignoring.  

Help them learn that not being cruel is one step. But the key is to work against cruelty. Help our children learn to reach out to the excluded and to bring them in.


Image credits: piersdy.wordpress.com, united planet.org, beliefnet.com, takebackyourschools.com, thebradleysblog.blogspot.com

Soapbox: The Least of Them

Note: For some reason this post didn't load automatically as it was scheduled to, so I am hand-posting it although it is now almost 10 pm and soapbox day is almost over. I feel strongly about this, so I don't want to wait until next Wednesday.  I may end up skipping tomorrow's instead. Here it is:

The Least of Them

I seldom talk politics.  But today I share a quote from Senator and former Vice-President Hubert H. Humphrey's very last speech.  It is his political application of the Biblical assertation that we be judged by how we treat the "least of them."

In my state, as in many many other states, budget cuts are impacting funding for schools, for foster care, for special education, for medical insurance for the poor, support services for the handicapped, etc etc etc.  I see the same types of issues playing out on a national level as well.

So I offer some of Humphrey's parting words. I wish I could send this message to each and every politican, town and state budget planner, administrators, church goers, non-church goers, and to any and every decision maker.

How might our country and our world change if each on of them and each on of us could really hear it, believe it, and act on it !?!

So here is the quote from Hubert H. Humphrey's very last speech.

"...the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; those who are in the shadows of life; the sick, the needy and the handicapped. "

How do we fare?

Will our leaders hear?


Can we make the right choices?

What future will we help create?

Soapbox: Forgiveness Day

I heard on television that Monday was International Forgiveness Day.  I have never heard of such a day.  They didn't mention who sponsored the day, or crowned it as official.  I suppose I could look it up on the internet, but that isn't really the point.  What struck me was how useful such a day would be if it were used as such.  Imagine a day when old wrongs were released, old grudges dropped.

Most thoughtful people agree that holding a grudge, maintaining resentment, and festering anger hurts the "holder" far more than the person who is resented.  But it is often so so hard to truly release pent up anger or pain that has been carefully guarded, sometimes even fed. 

What a great model for our children and our world if we could learn. What a wonderful opportunity to have a day each year to talk about forgiveness, to practice forgiveness, and maybe actually learn how so that we can reap the rewards of anger and pain with peace and calm and healing.

Image credit: donmilleris.com

Soapbox: Casey Anthony, Amanda Knox and William Blackstone

I had a post all ready to go on patriotism and almost stuck with it, but finally decided that I could not ignore yesterday's ruling in the Casey Anthony trial.  In some ways the patriotism theme still connects, because for many today's ruling tries their patience and tests their belief in some of basic standards of justice in this country. I am not going to talk about Casey Anthony's guilt, innocence, or even share my best guess.  I want to talk about the choices we make regarding justice and how moral choices challenge us all.

Years ago an English jurist named William Blackstone wrote a book which included his standard [often called Blackstone's Ratio]: "Better that 10 guilty men escape than one innocent suffer."

Centuries earlier the Bible writes that God will spare an entire city rather than destroy 10 righteous men in it. [Genesis 18:23-32]

In the American court system an accused person must be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt to be ajudged guilty and punished accordingly. Accepting that standard, it is a given that there will be guilty people who "get away" with murder and other crimes simply because there is not enough hard, provable, evidence to erase all reasonable doubts from a selected jury of 12.

Another trial we have been fascinated is the trial in Italy of American Amanda Knox.  Amanda Knox is almost the same age as Casey Anthony.  She too was put on trial for a murder. She too claims innocence.  Her character has also been questioned. She too has been in jail for more than three years.  But her trial is in Italy.  Different country.  Very different rules.  Also very different outcomes at this point.  In the Knox case reasonable doubt is not a required standard and many Americans have decried its absence. Reporters commented on the tragic differences between Italian courts and U.S. courts. But somehow it is harder if you think the person is guilty, isn't it. It is harder when the victim is a small, wide-eyed toddler.

So we are back to the bottom line.  Are we willing to let some who may be guilty, and even some who we may believe to be guilty, go free?  Is that better than risk the principle of innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt?  Our country has made a commitment to those decisions. Very few moral principles, choices, and decisions are easy. We often doubt.  We often question. Not all of our American principles are easy.  They aren't intended to be.


Image credits:  tothewire.wordpress.com, cbsnews.com, dailycaller.com, straightfromthea.com

Soapbox: Special Ed Diplomas

Arrrggghhhh!  I am going to try to be calm as I write this entry.  In my state, in my town, as in many states and towns, there is an increasing demand to hold children to high specific standards of accomplishment.  This is a good thing generally.  However it sometimes shows a lack of sense, not to mention empathy or kindness.  "Someone" decided that receiving a high school "Diploma" would require meeting specific state standards of minimum accomplishment.  Still sounds good right?

However, no one apparently thought it through in terms of those who are intellectually incapable of meeting those minimum standards regardless of effort, due to  congenital or developmental impairments.  In some committee room somewhere they decided that for those students who have tried their darnedest and worked their hardest but who still cannot achieve those minimum standards a different document will be issued.  In their infinite lack of psychology and motivation they decided to call this document a "Certificate of Attendance."  Their document certifies that the individual attended high school for four years and is finished because they put in their time, put their bodies in a chair for a series of sufficient days to earn this demeaning, demoralizing document.

I have seen kindergarten diploma certificates like the one above. I have seen elementary schools use documents, like the one at right, almost as elaborate as my college diploma. Why can't they label as a "Diploma" the certificate given these children, some of whom put in more daily effort than those receiving "real" diplomas? If they want to distinguish it from the college prep diplomas, then do so.  Make one a "Diploma with Distinction" or "Diploma with Honors" or something! New York State used regular diplomas and "Regents Diplomas" for those who qualified through rigorous standardized state tests called "regents" exams. That was more than 50 years ago!

After struggling to keep my kiddos in school until they could finish high school, I [and they] expected more than an acknowledgement of their attendance in class as recognition.  They are ostracized and isolated and demeaned enough without the administration adding insult to injury in this last parting shot.
Give them a "diploma"....          
Come up with a solution!

Anyone out there have similar problem or other solutions used in their states????

Image credits: ilene.typepad.com, rison-dallas.com,  artweb.org, vaiden.net

Soapbox: Diagnosis not Epithet

All those who live for political correctness be warned.  This soapbox is not politically correct!

I have a grandson who is mentally retarded.  Yes, I said the words mentally retarded.  It is an accurate statement of his diagnosis. It is frank. It is blunt.  It is the truth.

In the 32 years I taught middle school I watched a wonderful trend develop.  As students were mainstreamed into regular classrooms there was an educational process about different conditions. I had a student with epilepsy and early in the school year she stood in front of the class and explained what it was and how it affected her and it cleared the air.  Everyone understood. The label lost its mysterious significance and the teasing dropped dramatically.  Same with a boy with cerebral palsy. Once he stood up and explained and humanized the condition, the rude comments of "spaz" etc. dwindled to nothing within the class, and his classmates often came to his defense outside of class. Even more ordinary conditions like diabetes and bee allergies were addressed openly and factually.  By demystifying the condition and learning more, the students developed empathy and understanding. Whether spina bifida, cystic fibrosis, asthma, juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, autism or any of the above... I have seen all addressed openly and honestly with very positive results.

Why not mental retardation?  But instead we find new ways of describing and labeling the same diagnosis.  Developmentally delayed.  Intellectually challenged. By not addressing it honestly,  we contribute to the subtle sense that it is something to be embarrassed about, ashamed of, etc. Even Downs Syndrome and autism are now often explained openly to students. Why not mental retardation?

My grandson has mental retardation.  It is not his fault.  It is not anyone's fault.  It is not something shameful.  Unlike most of the other conditions mentioned, there is no medical to cure it, no pill that eases its impact on his life and future.  Sometimes mental retardation is almost invisible, sometimes it is obvious. Parents often keep their child's diagnosis "confidential".. secret.  Society not only doesn't talk about "regular" mental retardation, we won't even say the words in public. If I say it, others are shocked and often even shush or scold me. It is time to bring it out of the shadows, out in the open. As long as we treat it as something unmentionable, something to be whispered about, we are encouraging spiteful individuals to use the diagnostic label as an epithet, a weapon to shame, ostracize and embarrass.  

Caring Heart: Ethnicity and Teasing

This meditation was written for foster and adoptive parents whose children struggle with those who continue to have narrow definitions of "family" and prejudice on top of that.

They are teasing him.  Children can be so cruel.  It used to be just person questions.  "Why are your parents white and you're not?"  "Are you adopted?" "Why is your face so different from your parents?"  Then it became mocking his eyes, her hair, anything they could point our as different.  Now it is flat-out name-calling.  Cruel, mocking names.  Names that he doesn't even understand, but she knows from the tone of voice that they are taunts.  Knows the words are meant to hurt.  They do hurt.  Ease her pain.  Soothe his wounded heart.  Bless the cruel children with an understaning of what it is like to be different. Bless this child with a determination never to be cruel, to be different, to make a difference.  Give this child strength from that determination.  Heal his heart. Amen.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker