School Bell: Homework Bite Times

Unless you live someplace with an unusual school year schedule your children are not yet out of school.... at least physically!  Mentally and emotionally, they may have checked out already. As you try to keep them on top of their work during these last few weeks, try doing it in bite-size chunks.

Break homework time into 15 or 20 minute segments and alternate work time with reward activities.

Rewards can be anything more lighthearted: 
Mix it up to keep your child interested. Indoor, Outdoor, active, calm, you know your child best.  [Ideas:  snack, outdoor chalk drawing or jumping rope for the younger set, shooting basketballs, or game time.] Reward activities should also be done in 15 or 20 minute segments.

Timer ideas:
For speed and ease, nothing much beats a simple timer set to 10, 15 or 20 minutes. But if you have time, money, or inclination go for something more fun: Try ooze tubes or glitter jars or sand timers instead of being hung up on the actual minutes.  They turn over the tube or jar when they start working or playing and stop when the tube or jar is completely settled.  They shift activity with each flip of the tube or jar.

Ooze tubes take between 10-15 minutes to empty from one compartment to the other. They cost about $5. They come in a variety of colors. You can also find versions that are the same time but cost more and are larger. These are the favorites of my kiddos.  [We also use them for calming down.]

Glitter jars you can make yourself.... maybe even have your child help to get them involved. The time length and costs vary depending on how you make it. You can fin a link to directions on my Pinterest site or google for the directions of your choice, there are many different versions.

Sand timers come in all time lengths and designs.... from  My favorite site for finding fun sand timers is officeplayground.com [which also has a wide variety of stress toys].

Note: You can also use the "bite-size" approach to help your child shift between efforts on different subjects, making sure that math, science, history, and grammar all get a turn at the homework energy.
      
Image credits and thanks to: officeplayground.com, edu-nova.com

Parenting Tips: Teaching Trust

Trust is so hard to teach.  It is so easily broken and so hard to regain.  Trust is the best example I know for teaching the difference between natural consequences and logical ones.  Natural consequences are what happen regardless, logical consequences are consequences that someone imposed deliberately [and hopefully connected in a logical way to the offense]. Regarless of the punishment a parent imposes for a child breaking trust the natural consequence that happens is that feeling inside the parent who no longer quite trusts as implicitly.

Here is my favorite way to teach kids about trust: 

Show a plain piece of paper all smooth and clean. This is how trust is when it has never been broken.  Bend it a bit then smooth it.  It is almost as smooth, but not quite. This is trust that has been pushed and tested a bit.  After a bit it will seem smooth, and if put under a weight [of more success] it will smooth even further.  But each time it is twisted or crumpled it becomes a bit more worn and takes a lot more work to smooth.  


Important note:
I DO  teach children that  unlike paper, children can be forgiven, children can experience grace. I think it is vitally important that children not feel that there is no returning from broken trust. That is my only quibble/warning with the quote and illustration.

School Bell: Paint Chips for Reading

Here is a cool, colorful idea for helping your child with early reading. If you are like me you have tons of old paint chip strips lying around in drawers from when you last dreamed of redoing that bedroom or den. Dig them out and convert them into a great learning tool.

Use complete strips and label them with beginning consonants or consonant blends or with common endings.  See the examples at the right of the photo below.

Now take the larger ones and cut out a window at the beginning [for initial sounds] or the end [for ending combinations] and write the base words as shown with the cards on the left in the photo above .

For more info and details on this idea check out this blog I found on line while exploring recently:  The Snail'sTrail   I made this link for the May 27, 2011 entry where she gives all the info for this reading idea. Check out more of her blog because she is FULL of great ideas!

Image credit and thanks to:  thesnailstrail.blogspot.com

Parenting Tips: Neater Clothes pt 2

OK, so last week I blogged about ideas for helping kids keep their folded clothes folded.  Today, how can they get them folded  in the first place.  NO, not by you folding them.  By them folding their own shirts. Shirts seem scary to fold, but their are two really simple ways to fold shirts that you can teach children easily.

#1- Buy a Flip and Fold.
I know, most "As seen on TV" things are pretty useless, but this is actually really helpful.  Even developmentally challenged kids can learn by using a flip n fold.  After a while they will no longer need the tool, but can do it on their own in just a few simple steps.  Yes, it's $19 but wouldn't you pay $19 to get your kids to fold their own shirts????

#2- Make Your Own Folding Machine!
If you want to save the $19 and get the kids involved, check out this kids' video for how to make your own Flip n Fold! It's easy and kid-doable as demonstrated by these students and set to the Mission Impossible theme music! [There are also other youTube videos for making your own. ]

#2- Learn the Japanese system for folding t-shirts. 
In just three quick and easy steps a shirt becomes neatly folded.  I don't find it any better than my system BUT...My kiddos are usually awestruck when they first see it done.  "How did you DO that?" etc. Teach them so they can amaze their friends at camp of sleepovers.  They will be a hit! Best of all, they will be so intrigued that, like practicing a "magic" trick, they will soon be able to fold [or Re-fold] their own clothes!

#3- Teach them your favorite way.
I have my own 3 step system that I find just as easy as either of the above, but that's because I have had so much practice! [:-)   The advantage of the two systems above is that neither is "Mom's system" and... anyone with adolescents or teens knows that any system will be preferred to "Mom's" system!

Video thanks and credits to youTube

Parenting Tips: Neater Clothes pt 1

Here's an idea [actually two!] to try to help your kids keep their drawers looking and functioning better.

Stacking things horizontally in the drawer [the traditional way] inevitably means the kids will paw through the pile repeatedly until it looks like a sorting pile in the back of a Goodwill store.  Avoid that by stacking the clothes items vertically so they can see at a glance the item they are looking for. They may still paw, but usually only the adjacent clothes may be displaced, not the whole drawer!

My Alternative:
For several key years I went one step farther.  I removed the dressers from the rooms and replaced them with bookcase shelves. When we folded clothes we stacked them into like-item piles. When they put them away, the whole stack went to the photo-labeled spot on the shelves. One step process, no baskets of folded clothes waiting to be hung up or put in drawers.  [Underwear and socks went on the shelf into see-thru plastic baskets.] Wasn't a perfect system, but it sure beat others we tried. When they were able to keep the shelves straight I was pretty sure we could "graduate" to the vertical drawer system.

NEXT THURSDAY:  Two amazing ways to teach kids to fold their t-shirts!

Image thanks and credit to: dailybuzz.com

Anything Can Happen: Crazy Vegetables!

Often on Friday I find some crazy photo or silly caper to post.  This Friday I chose something that some might consider crazy, but others might think brilliant.

Do you have trouble getting your child to eat peas or some other vegetable?  In keeping with our Friday theme I offer you something different than the usual techniques. If you can let go for a little bit and be a little crazy, this trick is almost guaranteed to get your kids to try them once in a while. This idea comes from a fellow foster parent friend of mine who also has years of experience in early childhood schools and day care.  With thanks and kudos to "Mr. Bobby" here it is:

Some Friday "Anything Can Happen Night" prepare the green peas as a side vegetable for dinner.  Act really excited about it!  Tell them you remember hearing that  "x" [peas, Brussel sprouts, broccoli, whatever] is one of the really cool vegetables that you get to eat a special way. Explain that most vegetables kids have to start right out easting with a spoon or fork. But with "x" the first four [or five or six, you choose] times that you eat it you have to eat it a special way.  They will probably look at you like your are crazy, but when they ask "How?" go into demonstration mode [Remember it's Anything Can Happen night!]. Put just a few "X"s on your plate.

Make a show of putting down your fork and putting your hands behind your back.  Then...lean over your plate [with hands still behind your back] and eat yours off the plate using just your mouth, lips, and tongue to catch the veggies in your mouth!   Now they will REALLY look like you are crazy, but chances are as they see you do it, they won't be able to resist trying themselves.  Be sure you have only given them a few, as its really fun when you hear them ask for a few more so they can try again to "catch" them with no hands!

Usually once a child tries a new vegetable several times, nature takes over and they get to like the  vegetable.  Then you can explain that they are now old enough to eat them the grownup way and move on. 

I don't have any kiddos young enough for this trick right now, but dozens of parents have found this trick to work and swear by it as a "Never Fail" strategy.  Works great on peas, brussel sprouts, broccoli, etc. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you!

Image credits and thanks to:  mnn.com, fisher-pricestoreindia.blogspot.com, womansday.com, jeanninejersey.blogspot.com

Parenting Tips: No More Interruptions!

I hate interruptions. Phone interruptions. [You know... if you are listening to the person on the other end, you are not talking, and if you are not talking then ...in your children's minds... you can listen to them!]  Walk-in Interruptions  [Children walking into a conversation between me and someone sitting right next to me and breaking into the conversation full steam ahead,]

Arrrgggghhhh!  It used to drive me crazy!

Did you notice the "used to" in that sentence? I rarely have those interruptions anymore in my house and haven't for several years. I have an almost magical solution.  A truly "hands-on" approach. Remember the old secret handshakes? This is our family's "Secret Hand Signal." Here is the totally simple, two-step, instantly usable solution to teach your kids:

1- When my children come in and hear or see me talking [OR listening] they are to come in and gently put a hand on my forearm.  [That is their silent signal that they need to talk to me.]

2. When I feel a hand on my forearm, I quietly and gently cover it with one of my hands, while continuing with my conversation.  [That is my silent signal that I know they want to talk to me.]

The two hands stay that way until I am able to pause in the conversation and give a moment to attend to what my child wants....giving them my full attention when I remove my hand and look at them.

This has worked a virtual miracle in my home that has lasted for years. They even sometimes use it when they come in and I am busily typing this blog.  With these two steps your home can become almost interruption free... Try the Secret Hand Signals in your house!!

Image credit and thanks to:  canadian family.ca

Parenting Tips: Final Calm Spot Hints

I've posted about recommended creating a Calm Spot instead of Naughty Chair [March 22]

I've posted about  how to use a Calm Spot  [March 29]

Last Thursday was ideas of what to put in a Calm Spot to help your child regain calm. [April12]

Today some final thoughts 

Remember that the goal is to help your child understand, recognize, and manage their feelings in a way that helps your household maintain a more calm, less streessful, less emotional atmosphere.

Two Key Points: 

1- The child should help pick the Calm Spot and the items for the Calm Box. 

This is part of teaching the child to recognize their own style, what helps, etc. It also teaches the assumption that there are things that DO help. 

2- Do this when all is well with the child.  

That's when you explain that when s/he needs to calm down s/he can go to his spot and use the box until s/he feels calm or until thinks /she can come back and be ok. 

Three ways they might go to their Calm Spot:  

1.They can ask to use the calm spot if they think they need it.  

2. You might suggest the calm spot if something you see makes you think they need it. 

3. They may say no once.  But if in a few minutes you see that they still need it, you, as the grownup in charge, might insist that they spend at least some time in their calm spot.  

 [Some families make these into rules and post them for older kiddos.]

Miscellaneous extra ideas:

1- Consider having your older kids serch online for images or photos that are calming. Print them and make a calming notebook of those images, or post them in their calm spot.

2-Research calming techniques online for them OR for you. There are apps that help with relaxation [ex: breathe2relax] and online relaxation sites [ex: www.calm.com].

Go for it!     and     Good Luck!  

I hope this series has helped.

Image credit and thanks to: chir.ag,

School Bell: Absentee tricks

Does your child sometimes miss part of a school day because of dental or doctor appointments?  How about colds or strep throat? With younger children there is little The best plan is to plan ahead. [Isn't that often the case?]


The Set-Up
Have your child pick a "buddy." 
Good candidates? 
... someone who is pretty dependable. 
... someone who lives nearby and could drop off books or papers.
For upper grades legible handwriting is a bonus as is having a similar class schedule.

The Deal
The bargain is that if either of you is out of school or misses a class the other one will gather the papers handed out, assignments made, and notes given for the absent one.  If you know the night before that you are going to be absent, call your buddy and give them a heads up to remind them.  If you see your buddy out of a class, do the same for your buddy.  When school is over, stop by or phone to pass along the information. 

Note-Taking Trick:
The simplest way to take notes for someone else is using a sheet of good old-fashioned carbon paper. One sheet can be used several times and makes the copy as your write with no need for a copy machine etc.  Just slide the carbon and a plain sheet under your notebook page and the extra copy will be made as you write your own notes. Another possibility if the absence is going to be longer [like out for a hospitalization, chicken pox etc.] talk to the teacher and see if the teacher could photocopy the teaching notes for the one who is absent. 


Special Needs Kiddos: 
If writing is a problem, or a challenge for learning or physical disabilities, talk to the teacher and see if they would be willing to support either of the above strategies. They may even suggest someone in the class who takes good notes that would be allowed to share them with you.  


Image credits and thanks to: mooreland.org, myuniversitymoney.com, amazon.com

Parenting Tips: TV Teaching.... pt 3 social learning

Television can often be a good teaching tool about social interactions and character. You can help your children learn to recognize mistakes and strengths, risks and choices by watching with them and discussing what you are seeing during the ads. 


1. Start with younger kids by talking out loud to the tv or to the characters in the show so that your children can hear your reactions to what the characters are doing and being. ["That's not very nice!", "Being mean like that will hurt her feelings" etc. ]

2. As soon as your children can answer back, engage them in the conversation. ["Why is the Queen being so mean to the Princess?" or "Why do you think the Prince like's Cinderella better than her sisters?" etc. ]


3. During elementary school continue watching together, identifying and discussing the behavior and choices of the characters they watch.  


Note: Television is an especially useful took if you have a child or adolescent who struggles with social interactions.  Sometimes they can learn to recognize things on the screen before they can sense it in themselves or people to whom they are close. 

4. Entering middle school or junior high you can use the choices of characters in teen shows to bring up topics for discussion without seeming to pinpoint or corner your child.  Almost any given teen show episode will give you an opportunity to discuss your personal family values and how kids handle social behavior challenges and peer pressure.  Don't miss this golden opportunity! Research shows that teens who are clear about their own family's moral standards are better able to resist peer pressure. And... you can give valuable advice to your children by talking to the tv characters about other ways they might have handled the story's situation, other answers they might have given, etc.  New or old rerun shows work equally well. 

[This is the third installment of ways to use television as teachers.  Check out the posts on Feb 6 and 20th if you missed them and watch for part 4 on March 26th's School Bell.]


Image credit and thanks:  childstarlets.com, teenink.com, theremotegeneration.blogspot.com

School Bell: Put it behind you!

Are your kids overwhelmed by the amount of homework each night? Do they start fighting as soon as they see the stack of work to be done? Do they shut down after the first 15 minutes? This tip won't change the amount, but it may help manage the burden.  This time of year the homework load is often at its highest. Lower the stress your kids may feel. Help them take it one step at a time. Help them learn how to put it behind them.... literally!

Quick Homework Strategy...

Have your child stack their assignments and books behind them or under the table while they work. Take out a timer and the top-of-the-pile assignment and work for 15 minutes.  Then stop, put that assignment at the bottom of the pile and take out the new top assignment and work for 15 minutes. Continue until all assignments are done or homework time is used up. 

Advantages: 

1-Your child learns to stop getting frozen by the perceived enormity of what is to be done and learns to focus on one thing at a time, giving it his/her best.

2- Each teacher's or subject's assignment gets some work time.

3-The teacher will see what your child can accomplish in 15 minutes.
4-Your child learns the habit of breaking tough projects into smaller, more manageable chunks.

Hint- Talk to your child's teacher in advance and explain what you are doing and why.  Most teachers will support this approach whole heartedly. Just be sure that your child doesn't always leave their least favorite topic until last "conveniently" running out of time before getting to it.   


Image credit and thanks: visualphotos.com, chinatraderonline.com

Parenting Tips: Going Away

In just a few days I will be leaving to go visit a daughter in Oregon.  Going cross-country is a bit intimidating when you are leaving children behind, especially if you are a single parent. Although I know that going 5 miles away by car is statistically more dangerous, flying from one coast to the other just feels riskier.  The same was true for my kids so we learned a few tricks for making such separations a bit smoother.

So if you are heading out sometime, here are three of the ideas that worked for us:

1. Leave a note for each to open each day that you are gone. Maybe just a couple stickers inside, or a new pencil, or whatever. The point is something positive to enjoy each day.

2. Leave some little surprise symbols for them to find unexpectedly...[I used to used a bright yellow smiley face sticker or drawing on an index card, and then one day I ran across happy face whatnots!] stick one under their backpack, or in their underwear drawer, or on the inside of the refrigerator door.

3. Plan a specific activity to do with them when you return.... breakfast in bed, a trip to the park, a movie DVD and popcorn, whatever, but something you can remind them of and they can anticipate.

What has worked for your crew???

Image credits and thanks to: randomhandprints.blogspot.com, executivenomad.com

School Days: Get out of School Free Passes

Tomorrow I will continue a family tradition that many consider strange... especially for a teacher. Tomorrow one of my kiddos will stay home from school just because he has chosen not to go. There will be no consequences from me. Huh? ...Each school year I give each of my kiddos a "Get out of School Free" pass. It isn't exactly permission to play hookey since that is defined as absence from school "without permission." This is absence from school without the school's permission but with my permission.Now don't panic and think I have lost my mind.  Read on and then think about it.

I couldn't give this to my own children until they were old enough to stay home alone safely because I was working full time as a teacher. I could give it to my current kiddos at an earlier age since I am no longer teaching. They each get to pick one day a year when they may choose to stay home without penalty from me. It cannot be on a day they have a test, nor the first day of school. They can only use this pass one time per year.

I find this token is rarely used. I remind them of it whenever they try to play sick and clearly are not. It seems to eliminate some of the usual hassles/whines about "I don't want to go to school today." It avoids most of the rants and rages and fights by putting a bit of choice/power in their hands. I simply ask if they are using their Skip Pass that day and remind them that they only have one. Usually the child decides s/he might need it more later and goes ahead to school. If they choose to use it, fine. Sometimes they choose to use it on their birthday, as my kiddo is tomorrow. I call the school to let them know that s/he will not be in school that day. They may spend the day as they choose as long as it is acceptable behavior that doesn't break family rules and doesn't interfere with my duties for the day.

My kids like the idea, teachers live with it [once I explain it is only one day], and I find it acknowledges the wishful thinking we all have about working, helps the children be honest, to make conscious choices and it helps promotes good decision making. Besides... it is one of the rare things I do that they think is cool. :-)

Image credits: ventingstation.com, westsoundacademy.org

Focus on Fostering: "You chose this"

Last Wednesday on "Soapbox" I told about a different perspective on life situations.  Not labeling things as simply Have to do [the things we dread, avoid, and hate doing] vs Want to do [the things we love, choose, and do happily.  Adding a category of Choose to do [though not wanted].  This made me think of foster parenting and I promised I would explain that today even though it isn't soapbox day.  I suspect my experience is not terribly different than many of you foster parenting challenging children.

I sometimes feel like those around me think I have no right to complain or sigh or moan.  Too often I hear the comment that I didn't Have to do this. They assume that choosing to do something means we Want to do it.  Particularly for those doing kinship care nothing could be farther from the truth.  We never wanted to be in this position.  Our nightly dream is a world where all children are raised by loving, caring, adequate parents.  But they aren't.  We don't have that world yet.

But all children deserve to be raised in a loving, safe, nurturing environment and so, with heavy hearts and many prayers we step up.  We choose that which we don't want because it needs to be done.  

So the next time someone says to you with that annoying attitude... "Well... you didn't have to do this... you chose to do this" remember and maybe even explain:
1. We never wanted to know that there were children in the world who have endured and survived what some of our children have endured and survived. 2. Not wanting to deal with all that fostering brings does NOT mean we don't love the children, and even enjoy them.
3. We don't do it because of the money, or the fun, or even the joy.  When the joy and the fun come they are welcome bonuses, rewards for the effort and the pain.

We do it [or at least I do it] because it needs to be done.  Because every child deserves to be loved, to be safe, and to know joy.  Be sad that not all children can/do get this from their own parents.  Be proud that this is something you choose, that you choose to give children that love, that safety and to teach them to see and feel joy.  We DARE to choose to foster parent and kinship care.

Image credits: blogs.hds.com, liz-green.com

Parenting Tips: Kid's Books on Decision Making

Do you remembering any of the "Choose Your Adventure" type books?  At various points in the story you have a choice to make.  Depending on what you choose, you go to a different page in the book, over and over making each reading somewhat different.

There is a great series that uses this same approach but deals with moral decisions, peer pressure, etc.  At my last check there were 5 books in the series [$6-10 each], plus a leader's guide [$15] available for the whole series.

Each book is around 60 pages total, but depending on your choices, the actual story length varies. Great for readers 7-12 or a bit older if they struggle with reading.There are several different authors who contribute to the series and the topics are all situations that children face all the time. The same publisher also makes a similar [reader choices] series for ages 4-10 called Kids Can Choose, but I haven't seen any of those myself so can't actually recommend them yet.

The Decision Is Yours series:

Finders, Keepers :  What should you do with the wallet and money you and a friend find.

Making the Grade : More time on soccer than homework and a bad report card make a tricky mix.

First Day Blues : How do you make friends on your first day in a new school?

Bully on the Bus:  What do you do if an older kid in school threatens to beat you up?


Under Whose Influence? : To drink with friends or not?

Soapbox: Procrastination and Choices

I recently have been reading a book about procrastination*.  So far I do not think it is a great book, but my personal measure of a helpful book is whether I finish the book with two-four specific takeaways that I think will be helpful to me. So far I find the book a bit labored, and with fewer concise, practical tips or strategies than I had hoped, but I am glad I am reading it, because I have already found two good takeaways. 
 
Today I want to share a particular viewpoint of the author that struck me as very valuable. Having occasionally struggled with procrastination myself, and having raised children who seemed to use procrastination as their default setting, I was intrigued to try this way of looking at things. 


The author said that most people label things/tasks as either:
     1. Things we want to do.  [positive, things we enjoy]
     2. Things we have  to do. [negative, tasks forced on us, things we dread]
Those two categories and only those two. The author suggested that since we feel powerless to refuse the things we are required to do, we often procrastinate doing them as our only way of exerting power over the task. 

The author proposed including a third category... Things we choose to do. 

Things we choose to do may be things that might carry a cost [emotional, time, or money] that made them something we didn't want, but might still be worth doing because of the reward. 


Since reading this I have found the concept helpful to reframe my thinking and have a better attitude. Try it and see what you think, then share your reactions.

[On Focus on Fostering next Tuesday I will tell how this helps in fosterparenting and next week I will share the other takeaway I have gotten his book.]



*The Now Habit   by Neil Fiore, PhD

Focus on Fostering: What's in a Name?

One of the things that makes foster children feel like odd man out is that their last name is usually different from everyone else in the family.  The longer they are with the family the harder it is.  I have often had long term foster children who have desperately wanted to have the same name as mine or the other children in my family.  The desire to "match" is strong.  Sometimes I have even had foster siblings who had different last names from each other making an even wider array of last names in the house.  They still missed that sense of matching that says we belong.

If this problem has ever come up for you, did you know that they can often use your last name for most ordinary purposes?  For example: They can use the family last name [let's say "Sally Smith"] on the school homework papers, permission slips, church, synagogue, scouts, etc.  The only thing they must understand is that all legal papers must be in their legal name[let's say "Sally Jones"]. This means report cards, evaluations, therapy and medical reports, etc. will have their legal name. Sometimes if you talk to the school and your school is cooperative they will put both names [ex: "Sally [Smith] Jones"] If you plan to do this, let teachers know so they aren't caught unaware, and so they can adjust their alphabetical lists accordingly.

Often this can even be done with the blessings of your human services caseworker, particularly if your child is in counseling and the therapist agrees that it would be therapeutically beneficial for the child. They often don't crave the legal change as much as the chance to blend in socially. 

Image credit: teamlobsterbisque.com

School Bell: Check In Time

This is mid-terms week for many semester-based school systems, roughly half way through the school year.  The students and teachers have settled in, gotten used to each other, and have hopefully learned the patterns and expectations of the current grade level.  Now the real meat of the school year is on the table, the next few months are the key months for new knowledge. Review and getting back up to speed is past, now is the time to really pack in the learning before vacation fever starts showing up. So consider some of the questions below as possible assessments for your student or his/her teacher as you head into the core teaching time of the year.

1. Is your child willing and comfortable talking to the teacher to ask questions, asking for help or clarification?
2. Does your child able and willing to participate in group activities/projects?
3. Does the amount of time your child spends on homework match the teacher's expectations?
4. Is the amount of time your child spends on homework similar to the time spent by classmates?
5. Can your child name two classmates s/he could and would call with a question about class work?
6. Is your child willing and able both to do homework independently and to ask for help on homework?
7. Does your child remember to bring homework materials home and remember to hand completed work in at school?
8. Is there an adult at the school that your child has connected to, comfortable with, and that the child perceives as fair?
9. Does the child talk about some of his/her classmates as friends?
10. Does your child share both good things and bad things that happen at school?

These are not the only ten questions, or even necessarily the best ten. Some you can answer yourself, some you may need to ask the child, or his/her teacher. But the answers to these ten questions will give you a pretty good sense of red flags or green flags to watch as you start the second half of this school year.


Image credits: musictherapymaven.com

Parenting Tips: Today show --Lying to our Children!

Ok, I try not to get personal on my blog, and I know yesterday was soapbox day, but I feel compelled to beg parents everywhere to buck what Parenting magazine is calling the norm.... lying to our children.  I was truly upset yesterday to see this prominent magazine that many new parent look to for advice advocating the "necessity" of lying to our children for convenience!  [You can check out yesterday's  NBC Today show interview on the topic with Ann Curry online.]

I'm not talking about allowing young children the fantasy of a Santa Claus or a Tooth Fairy when they are the age that needs magical thinking.  They were talking about lying when it is [in her words] "more expedient."  The example she used was trying to get a toddler to leave the playground if you need to get to an appointment.  She said that in our "frenetic" over-scheduled lives it is simpler to tell the toddler the park is closing than to tell the truth.  If our lives are too busy to be honest with our children, we need to take another look at our priorities.

I admit, this is a hot button topic for me because raising honest children is the topic of the book I am currently finishing with my writing partner, A. Patricia Miller.  But parents CAN be honest with their children if they choose to and if they prepare.  Parents CAN teach their children how to be honest and still save face. "White" lies are still lies, regardless of fingers crossed, trying to be "kind," or any other excuse. If we want to raise honest children we must surround them with the environment of an honest home, teach them the skills of honesty, and give them the belief that you can be honest, even in an often dishonest world.

I would like to think that a backlash is in order.  I do not want to think that the "experts" and the "majority" condone lying.  I suspect that the TODAY show's usual parenting expert [Michele Borba] would have a fit over this! Please check out the interview and respond, to me, to parenting.com, or even to the Today show.

P.S. Sorry the post is late.... finally a snow storm [lst of the winter!] and had to shovel before I could get to my blog. Welcome winter  :-)

Image credit: aardvarkian.com, businessinsider.com

Caring Heart: Appointment Overload

This was written for all parents who are raising children with special needs: physical, intellectual, or emotional.

Too Many Appointments

I am sick of so many appointments!  Give me patience, Lord and endurance for this long haul.  It seems that each day is a new round of trips to counselors, dentists, psychiatrists, evaluations, family visits, court dates, social worker meetings, family team meetings, school meetings.  It just goes on and on and on and on!  Some days I can barely remember who it is that we are seeing and why.  Sometimes I am filled with guilt about that other appointment that I still haven't scheduled.  I get so tired of it all. I am tired of trying to give a sixty-second recap to introduce the situation without humiliating the child sitting and listening.  When I feel so tired of it all, please stop me, Lord. Remind me to imagine what it must be like for this young child who must be equally sick of these endless appointments.  Help me imagine what it is like to be the subject of all this investigation and evaluation and treatment and questions.  How fearful that may be.  What must that do to self-image, confidence, and hope?  Take away my frustration and impatience and replace it with empathy and with support.  Amen.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker  Artwork from the book's cover by Anna Parker David