Anything Can Happen: Fridge Locks

Ok, admit it. How many of you have wished for an easily lockable refrigerator?  I can think of two reasons that have echoed through my experiences:

1- When my munchkins were younger I was often especially desperate.  Children in foster care often have food issues and will graze at any time of night or day.  Even when they know that fresh raspberries have a season roughly two nanoseconds long and that I will knock down old ladies that get between me and a box of freshly picked raspberries.... they still will reach in, snitch all but three berries [left to taunt me I am convinced!] and then profess no knowledge of whoooo could posssssibly have done it!

2- When the numbers on the scales become rude and obnoxious, I sometimes think that having to open a combination lock might help me resist that temptation to snack on something evil.  Research says that if you can delay acting on a food impulse/temptation for 60 seconds, the impulse passes.  [I am not at all sure that I believe it, but someone no doubt spent thousands of dollars researching it.]

Soooo ... the idea below caught my eye online. It is from an interesting website that often has funny, also often vaguely rude, ideas.  So I am not going to link to it but will credit it below if you want to see it for yourself.  But here is their idea.... ready for some inventor out there to make money creating and marketing!  If you can't read it click here for a larger more text readable view.

Better yet..... make a real one and let me know... I will be your first customer!!

Image credit and thanks to: stealourideas.tumblr.com,
                        [light bulb image from newscientist.com]

Anything Can Happen: Crazy Vegetables!

Often on Friday I find some crazy photo or silly caper to post.  This Friday I chose something that some might consider crazy, but others might think brilliant.

Do you have trouble getting your child to eat peas or some other vegetable?  In keeping with our Friday theme I offer you something different than the usual techniques. If you can let go for a little bit and be a little crazy, this trick is almost guaranteed to get your kids to try them once in a while. This idea comes from a fellow foster parent friend of mine who also has years of experience in early childhood schools and day care.  With thanks and kudos to "Mr. Bobby" here it is:

Some Friday "Anything Can Happen Night" prepare the green peas as a side vegetable for dinner.  Act really excited about it!  Tell them you remember hearing that  "x" [peas, Brussel sprouts, broccoli, whatever] is one of the really cool vegetables that you get to eat a special way. Explain that most vegetables kids have to start right out easting with a spoon or fork. But with "x" the first four [or five or six, you choose] times that you eat it you have to eat it a special way.  They will probably look at you like your are crazy, but when they ask "How?" go into demonstration mode [Remember it's Anything Can Happen night!]. Put just a few "X"s on your plate.

Make a show of putting down your fork and putting your hands behind your back.  Then...lean over your plate [with hands still behind your back] and eat yours off the plate using just your mouth, lips, and tongue to catch the veggies in your mouth!   Now they will REALLY look like you are crazy, but chances are as they see you do it, they won't be able to resist trying themselves.  Be sure you have only given them a few, as its really fun when you hear them ask for a few more so they can try again to "catch" them with no hands!

Usually once a child tries a new vegetable several times, nature takes over and they get to like the  vegetable.  Then you can explain that they are now old enough to eat them the grownup way and move on. 

I don't have any kiddos young enough for this trick right now, but dozens of parents have found this trick to work and swear by it as a "Never Fail" strategy.  Works great on peas, brussel sprouts, broccoli, etc. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you!

Image credits and thanks to:  mnn.com, fisher-pricestoreindia.blogspot.com, womansday.com, jeanninejersey.blogspot.com

Soapbox: Potluck, Anyone?

Today I continue looking at the Patch's Prescriptions for a Better Society. This week I challenge us to try another, perhaps easier one of Dr. Adam's questions:

In order to bond your neighborhood in healthy interdependence you would need to host weekly potlucks. Would you?

I suspect that, although this is more complicated, it is probably more comfortable than the first week's challenge to demonstrate public joy. It is not more expensive, since the intent is a pot-luck, you are not expected to feed everyone. You just host, invite, take the chance.  Oh yes, you also probably lay out the paper plates and the food as it comes in. The simpler you keep it, the more likely people are to 1-feel comfortable, 2- be willing to come again, and 3- be willing to host one themselves sometime!


If you live in an apartment...how about your floor or building mates?  If you live out in the wilds, try three friends who have not been over lately.  If Dr. Adams' challenge of weekly potlucks seems daunting, how about once a month?

Quick Takes: Kids Easy-Bake Chicken Recipe

Today's Quick Take is an easy recipe for kids learning to cook.

Easy Coated Chicken:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cut boneless chicken into chunks.
Shake [in a small bag] or dredge to coat with dry salad dressing mix.
            [We use1-2 packets of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing Mix]
Place chicken on a cooking sheet and put in the oven to bake.  [I usually turn it once halfway thru]
Bake 30-40 minutes depending on size of chunks and your oven.

[For best food safety teach your kiddos to use a food thermometer to check internal temp. Safe for chicken is 160 degrees]

That's IT.... Two ingredients. No fuss. No stirring.

Try it tonight!


PS: It works with pork too!

Anything Can Happen: YOYO dinner

All of us have had nights we didn't feel like cooking!
Whether you don't feel good, are sick, or the opposite... that it has been too beautiful a day to be in the kitchen, or that you are making huge headway on a project you are still knee deep in.... We all have times we don't feel like fixing the meal.

Turn it into fun!

In my house it was "Make Your Own Dinner" nights.  But at a recent parent training with other foster parents I heard of a MUCH more fun name for the night... one that sounds way more cool to your kids...

YOYO  night.

Not Yo-Yos as in the toys... YO YO as in:

You're On  Your  Own

Give it a try at your house... [make sure you have sandwich makings, salad stuff, or leftovers on hand for such an occasion, too!]

Anything Can Happen: Valentine Food Foolishness

A cautionary tale.....

Years ago I decided in one crazy moment to do something especially silly for Valentine's Day to surprise my kids.  I decided to make an all red meal.  Red Velvet Cake was the obvious dessert choice.  

 Red jello salad in a heart shaped molds for a salad was equally easy. Here are plain ones... you can get fancier as you wish.

The main course proved more challenging. I chose ham.

I arranged the slices in heart shapes on each plate.

For veggies I cooked beets [which I knew my children might not eat] and sliced tomatoes [which I knew they liked]. Being particularly inspired I also cut both the beets and the tomatoes with a heart-shaped cookie cutter and arranged them on a plate.. truly heart-ful!

Unfortunately I went one step farther... one step too many.  I added red food coloring to make the mashed potatoes fit the red theme.  Do not try that... it plays tricks with the mind that are transmitted to the taste buds with less than wonderful results.  More than 25 years later, I still am occasionally mocked and berated for that valentine's dinner run amok.  So cut the tomatoes, or beets, make heart shaped salads or red velvet cakes to your heart's content.  Just don't mess with the mashed potatoes!


Image credits: makecakeidea.net, pinehillschool.org, 4littlefergusons.wordpress.com

Quick Takes: Easy Kid's Chicken/Pork Recipe

Okay, I'm both late posting and no pictures to offer.  My phone/camera for some reason is refusing to send pictures and after fighting with it for most of the morning I am giving up and posting without them! Sorry bout that folks.  Trust me... this recipe looks delicious when made.  [My grandson made it last night for the demo pictures that I can't seem to transfer!]

I think one of the best tools for independent living is the skill of making easy, nutritious meals independently.  Here is a great, kid-friendly recipe for chicken or pork.

Easy Ranch Chicken or Pork

chicken or pork [I use boneless breasts or pork chops] enough to serve the family
1-2 envelopes of dry ranch dressing mix [depending on meat quantity and size pieces]

1. Cut the chicken or pork into manageable sizes. [Pork chops do not require cutting, but chicken cooks faster if cut into chunks or strips.
2. Roll the meat in the dry dressing mix till coated at least lightly. [If easier put the mix in a plastic bag and shake the meat around until covered.]
3. Cook meat in non-stick pan or electric griddle, stirring as needed to be sure meat is thoroughly cooked.  [If pan is not non-stick you might need to add a bit of oil, but we use no oil with our non-stick griddle, just the liquid the cooking meat makes. ]

That's it. That's all there is to it!  Serve with rice or noodles or potatoes and vegetables and/or salad.
It is delicious, easy even for kids, fast, AND healthy to boot!

P.S. If I get the dang camera working I will add the pictures later!

Anything Can Happen: Thanksgiving Trees!

Great minds think alike.... either that or the TODAY show has been reading my blog!  I was excited to see a suggestion this week from their decorating correspondent that was like my last year's post describing our Thanksgiving Tree.  Their expert used colored paper cut outs of fall leaves and tied then to an arrangement of small bare branches in a vase for a table centerpiece, but it was the same idea.  So I decided to repeat my post from last year. Is YOUR Thanksgiving Tree up yet?  It's not too late!!

Here is my original post:

Tis the season of Thanksgiving. Christmas has a Christmas tree.  But not everyone celebrates Christmas.  Almost everyone can celebrate the act of being thankful. Some can celebrate a bountiful feast as pictured below. Some are thankful for the very ordinary as so often shown by people with very little. Gratitude is a trait that is crucial to resilience and is so important to teach our children. So... how about a Thanksgiving tree? Based on the idea of a kindness tree I saw once I am trying a Thanksgiving tree this year. IT is a work in progress and I am asking the children [AND guests or visitors] to add to it each day.  I started by cut up index cards,  hole punching them and tying ribbon through for ties.  I gave each child 5 card tags to start with and piled markers, crayons, and old magazines on the table in front of them. Each child was to write down, draw, or cut and paste something they are thankful for this year.  Big things, little things. People, events, anything that has brought them joy.  When everyone was done we went outside and tied them to the branches of a tree. [Ours is actually a bush!]  Send me photos of yours?  [Nov 19, 2010]

Image credit: revolvingdoorcommune.wordpress.com

Quick Takes: Fun Halloween Snacks

Ok, warning .... these are not organic, nor sugar free....I figure if I crack the whip most of the year, I can ease up a bit on Halloween.  I learned a long time ago that making cupcakes was [in my kids eyes] only a means of offering frosting. So I decided to skip the cupcake part and get to their heart of the matter.  I use crackers and cookies as my base.  Here are a few Halloween treats we made this week:

Spider Webs:  
squares of graham crackers
white frosting
back tube frosting gel
toothpick for draggin the
concentric circles into a web

Medium difficulty... small kids will struggle with the circles but will do fine on the dragging and the spider blobs.

Mummy Crackers:
Town House crackers as base
White frosting base, then white frosting using a petal tube to create the mummy's wrappings.
Green gel frosting tube to create the ghoulish eyes.

[Healthy supper version:  You can create a Halloween supper by making individual meatloaves in cupcake pans, laying alfredo sauced noodles as the mummy wrappings on top, using peas for eyes. to make a healthy supper version.]

Ghostly Graveyards:
I used chocolate graham vcrackers for the base.
chocolate frosting to cover
Crumbled oreos or crackers for the loose "dirt"
Town House oval crackers with one edge cut straight for tombstones.
Black get frosting tip for R.I. P. lettering.

Simple Pumpkins:
Great for little folk...
Halloween Oreos [with orange filling]
Take off one cookie side with a knife.
Use green gel frosting tube to make the stem.
Use black get frosting tube to make the faces.
[Save the plain cookie side for the graveyard "dirt" or for ghosts base.]

Ghosts:
Use white tube frosting to create ghosts on the plain oreo halves.
Toothpicks help kids drag the frosting blob into a chosen shape.
Chocolate crumbs or frosting dots make eyes etc.

P.S. Sorry I posted late today... Scrambling to get the last bulbs in the ground before an unexpected October snowstorm is predicted for tonight. Arrrggghhh.  I am not ready for snow!!!

Parenting Tips: Halloween Teen Options

In my house once you turn 13 you are too old to go out door to door trick or treating in costume. [ Not necessarily a good rule for everyone and everyplace. But where I live it is a good rule.  Being older and out is an invitation to temptation  to join in risky activities, or to be blamed for the misbehavior of others.]

Our rule made me come up with other holiday activities for my teens.  So, here are a few they have like over the years....

1- They can be the official door greeter on Halloween... in a non-scary costume if they would like, or not. Greeting the little children and watching their little faces light up as they trick or treat.

2. They can each invite one teen friend over to our house for an evening of Halloween movies.  [Some of the old ones are the best according to my kids, who enjoy previewing a bunch in the weeks ahead of Halloween to chose what ones might surprise their friends most.

3. Helping create a Halloween feast for their friends with all the homemade goodies that people used to give out before all the food scares.

4. Decorating the yard to make it Halloween-y but not too scary for little folk.

5. Hosting a small party featuring the old-style games they may have played as kids on Halloween, but haven't played as teens [bobbing for apples, donuts on a string, etc.]

6. Participating in a community youth activity on Halloween night if your community offers one. [Example: juding scarecrow contests, costumes at the elementary school or middle school, attending a Halloween dance at the high school, etc.]

Oh yes.... And whatever you chose to offer them, I always allow my "too-old--to-tick-or-treat-children" to each go to the store and pick out one bag of their favorite treat for themselves to ease their pain. [Since I have several teens they often choose to collaborate!]  Good luck!

Image credits: celebrations.com

Anything Can Happen: M&M Cakes

My youngest birth daughter is getting married soon and I was looking for unusual wedding cake pictures to send her as a joke.

When I say this M & M cake it occured to me what fun it might be for young kids to decorate a plain white frosted sheet cake with M&Ms.

Think of the fun they could have making pictures, rainbows, flowers, or even spelling out a word.

Celebrate the end of summer or the first week of school or Labor Day or whatever excuse you want.  Have some fun with it.

Send me photos if you can?

Image credit: bitrebels.com

Parenting Tips: Healthy, Kid-fixable Snacks

Summer is a great time to teach you kids how to work some snack magic in the kitchen.  Start by working closely with them if they are young. [You may always need to do some of the cutting prep ahead if they are very young.] But at a very young age they can participate and research shows that children eat more happily what they help prepare.

Little by little give them more and more independence.  With luck and practice by the time school starts they will be able to share or even take over responsibility for preparing school snacks that are healthy and that make them happy.  You still have time... go for it!

Veggie Coins...
Slice summer squash, zucchini, etc. and lay out on pan.  Top with shedded cheese and roast to melt cheese.  Add pepper or seasoning if desired.  Add pine nuts if desired.  Eat as is or put on a cracker. This is a recipe you can do a bunch at a time for several snacks, or just a few in a toaster oven. You can also make them for appetizers, family movie night healthy snacks, or even a dinner side.

Fruit Salad...Frozen or fresh

Gather an assortment of your child's favorite fruits, cut to bite size, mix, and put in container for cooler bag. 

Depending on the fruit I like to help the kids make up a bunch of these in freezable containers, freeze and grab one each day for snack.  The fruit thaws but is generally still cold by snack time.  P.S.  Also a great way to sneak in new fruits a few nibbles mixed in. 

Ants on a Log.... the sequel

With peanut butter banned from more and more schools due to severe allergies, try changing up the traditional ants on a log by using flavored or plain cream cheese in place of the peanut butter. If weight is an issue, try subsituting low fat cottage cheese that is drained a bit.

Note:  I am having trouble with my internet access for some reason which is making some of my posts late in posting online.  I am trying to get it fixed. Hang in there with me. Thanks!


Image credits: kraftrecipes.com, flickr.com, restomanifesto.com, f

Parenting Tips: Beat the Heat

It is hot this week.  After spending a week in Alabama I don't feel like I can complain about our stretch of almost 90 degree weather. But, for coastal Maine, it is hot. It is all in what you are used to and prepared for.  I was cooler in Alabama most of the time because everyone has air conditioning.... they expect the heat and prepare for it.  In Maine we seldom need or use airconditioners so when the breeze disappears and the humidity rises we are not prepared to relieve it. [For you in the heat zones laughing at me, remember how casually we handle a 10 inch snow storm while 2 inches can close your schools for lack of plows, winter tires, etc.!]

Yesterday I prepared.  I prepared by warning the kids the night before. By opening windows and running fans to take advantage of the cooler night. The kids were all pushed out of bed by 7:30 and chores began immediately [ok, by 8].  The trade-off was that we stopped working at 10 am and the kids were allowed to head back to bed or a book, or even tv/computers for the peak heat of the day.  I worked a bit longer cleaning in my basement which is cooler than the upstairs.

At lunch we talked about how regions with much higher temps routinely manage it.  Their solution [of course!] was that we should buy an air conditioner and an outdoor pool!! Instead we talked about shifting the expectations for a hot day, for choosing to let go of our original goals for a day when the heat hits.

A Dozen new goals or ideas that we came up with:

1. Reclaim the joy of running through sprinklers in the yard in bathing suits.
2. Take a siesta.
3. Do chores early or late.
4. Go crazy and stay up late for the cool hours and sleep through the hot hours.
5. Find the coolest room in the house and have a family camp out or sleepover in that room.
6. Create a cool zone in the house with fans and closed doors!
7. Go to an air-conditioned theater and enjoy a summer movie at the peak of the heat.
8. Make a family salad bar for simple, healthy, no-heat lunches.

9. Cut chunks of watermelon, peaches, pineapples, stick on wooden popsticks or skewers, freeze and use for a midday healthy, cooling fruit pop snack. [If the kids aren't too young, try frozen grapes... they are great!]
10. Gather some books, family videos, read a-louds and quiet family board games and make the peak heat time to share quiet family fun in your cool room.

11. Let your usual standards slide for a few days and go ahead and use disposable plates. 

12. Take your showers or shampoos in mid day to cool off.


Ok, you southern folks, give us northerners a hand.... If you had no air conditioning option... what are your best tips for keeping the family cool??? Share!

Image credits: kwaree.com, wsmweather.co.uk, dallas.ismyhome.com, dirtrider.com

Quick Takes: 4th of July Food

Here is some fast fun food options to make with your kids for the Fourth of July:

Watermelon stars: Cut slices of watermelon and then use a star cookie cutter and let the kids cut out star shapes from the watermelon.

Red White and Blue Centerpiece Desserts:     [similar to one at left]
1- Use stick skewers and put a watermelon star on each.
2- Use stick skewers to "string" blueberries.
3- Alternate blueberries and mini-marshmallows or strawberries [or raspberries] and mini-marshmallows.
4- Make individual dessert skewers by mixing the stars, blueberries, and mini-marshmallows.
5. Arrange a  bunch of skewers in styrofoam or watermelon rind to make a centerpiece / dessert.

Flag cake:  Frost a 13x 9 or larger sheet cake with whipped topping or whipped cream.  Make a square in the top left corner with blueberries.  Make the red stripes with sliced strawberries on top of the white topping, leaving the rows in between for the white stripes. Add little sugar stars on top of the blueberries or just dots of topping for stars.

Strawberry lemonade: Have the kids have fun mashing strawberries and adding them to pre-made or homemade lemonade.

Flag Layers: For really simple kids food projects just layer red fruit, whipped topping, blue fruit, in alternating layers in clear parfait, sundae, or tumblers.

Image credits: nobiggie.net, recipetips.com, thebridescafe.typepad.com, usastockfood.com

Parenting Tips: Kids' Garden Boxes

I know that some of you are well into spring and beyond already, but here in Maine it is still too early to plant outdoors.  So this is a good time for us to start kids with planting seeds for future outdoor gardens.  If you don't have room for a garden, how about a container garden or a window box or deck container garden?  Kids often are more excited by planting this that they can harvest to eat, rather than cut for flower arrangements.  So... with a little help from some friends... below is a list of a few kid-friendly possibilities with their time frames, pros, and cons.  Try it!  Even the responsibility for a single window box with some lettuce or radishes is a great way to start kids and give them some ownership in the process of daily watering, weeding, tending etc. The pride of harvest is huge!

Radishes
Germinate in 3-10 days, and have a very short growing season of 20-30 days.

Lettuce  

Another fast crop that gives kids fast results, and it’s also a good way to interest kids in salads.

Snow peas

They take about 10 days to germinate and mature in about 60 days. They are also fun for kids to eat right off the vine.

Cherry tomatoes These may be the most fun crop for kids, aside from strawberries. Great for nibbling and for salads.

Nasturtiums
These flowers are easy to grow and they bloom about 50 days after the seeds are planted, with orange, yellow and red flowers. The flowers are also edible, and can be used to add color to a fresh garden salad. Kids sometimes think it is a fun kind of wild and crazy that certain flowers are edible.  

Bush beans
Fast, easy, high yield and, because they do not grow tall, they are easy for kids to harvest. Bush beans germinate in 4-8 days, and mature in 40-65 days.

Image credits:  breckenridgemountainrealty.com, thisnext.com, kiddiegardens.com

Soapbox: Comfort Food Revisited

Is the comfort that food provides something that is hard-wired into our brains from earliest times, when a full stomach meant survival? Ask anyone what their family's comfort food was and the only time they hesitate is if they're trying to decide which family comfort food was the most used. What did mom fix when it was exam week? the first night home from college? when it had been a really rough week?  They even have whole cookbooks dedicated to comfort food recipes!

I'm overweight.  I'm working on it and I'm making progress, but I'm overweight. I don't think it's a coincidence that weight issues are exceedingly common among foster parents, and also among foster children.  Whether overweight or underweight, eating too much or eating the wrong stuff. It is sooo hard to treat food as fuel, not as the enemy, not as the friend, not as the feared, not as the comfort.  Fuel, just that, nothing more. They say that the nicotine in smoking is addictive.  I don't smoke,  but I think for some of us, food is every bit as addictive, and every bit as hard a habit to control. After all.. You can't quit eating. And you have years and years of being "trained" that eating x or y will make you "feel better."

Even now, I feel that baking a batch of cookies or brownies is doing something nice for my kids. I make an amazing peanut butter/chocolate homemade fudge. People's eyes light up when I bring it to the church fair, or to a sick friend, or mail it to a child at college.  My kiddos literally jump for joy when they see me gathering the ingredients for fudge. I know when I make fudge they will be excited and happy.  I admit sitting down to a family board game or going for a walk together doesn't give me that same feeling. I don't think it gives them the same feeling either. Maybe it does.  I hope it does.  It would be nice to break the cycle of using food for comfort. 


Image credits: fatkidsuit.wordpress.com, squidoo.com

School Bell: Breakfast Cereal Tip

Do you have trouble getting breakfast into your kids before they run out the door for school?  I haven't found a perfect solution, but I have a couple of tricks that have helped at my house.  Today, a tip for the dry cereal eaters.

As part of the bedtime routine, I have each child pick out what cereal they want for breakfast the next day.  Each child pours their cereal of choice into one of the sealable food storage bowls*, individual size.  [This keeps the cereal from getting stale overnight, or attracting pets etc.] They set out a spoon, bowl, glass at their table place and place the storage bowl inside the cereal bowl.

On a normal morning, they are all ready to pour the cereal into the bowl add milk and eat. It goes MUCH faster without having to get everything out or make a cereal choice. [My kiddoes sometimes are incapable of making the smallest decision in the morning.] Bonus: Kids can mix cereals, for fun or to use up the odds and ends.

As soon as I get up I try to lay out the milk and some fruit all ready cut for them to add individually. If they oversleep or are running late they can eat it right from the storage bowl. If really late, they just grab the storage bowl and/or fruit baggie to finger nibble while walking to school, on the bus if allowed, or at snack during school.

* Saving money and going green: Yes you could use prepackaged single servings, but they are $$. You can use baggies but food storage bowls are reusable, don't squish the fruit, and you can add milk without needing a bowl.

All the research shows that school progress and attention is more likely if children have had breakfast before school. So anything we can do to make breakfast easier is a way to make their studying easier. I explained that to my kiddoes [often!] and with those who said they were "too old to need breakfast" I offered a slightly bizarre deal.  Any morning you go along and eat breakfast before school I will give you a choice of 5 minutes less required homework time, or 5 minutes extra help with homework. It worked, and eventually they learned for themselves that they were more energetic and alert on the mornings they ate.

What are your favorite breakfast tricks?

Image credits:  jackandjohn.wordpress.com, abetterbagofgroceries.com, asia.ru, elise.blogs.com

Focus on Fostering: Divided Loyalties revisited

Children in foster care miss their parents.  Adoptees may miss their birth parents. Whether children being raised by others miss the parents they had or the parents they wish they had, they miss their parents.  Even when a parent has abused or neglected or traumatized their child, that child will still miss them when separated.  They are still their parents. As hard as it is for new foster parents to understand, all children want to be loved by their birth parents.  Yes, their birth parent may have abandoned them, have given them up for adoption, or even have been taken away for their own safety.  But they still want to be loved by them. 

This desire is almost like a primal drive, a primitive need, that all children have. When you stop and think about it, how wonderful it is that the drive to love and be loved can survive so much.  But as foster or adoptive parents, we must remember that these children still want birth parents to love and have loved them. 

Imagine how this interferes with attachment and bonding for adoptive children, long term foster children, or even temporary placements!  The more they begin to connect and attach to a new set of parents, the more they may feel torn. They may feel guilty for loving or attaching to new caregivers, thinking it is disloyal to their birth parents. This may result in anger, resentment, detachment, and more.  If there is still an ongoing connection with the birth parents it is more in your face perhaps, but don't think that if there is not an ongoing connection that the feelings aren't still there.  Even children who were adopted basically at birth often experience some of these feelings when they become aware of birth parents somewhere "out there." 

Remember... No matter how much you love you give your foster or adoptive child, no matter how attached you become, no matter how much they love you or attach to you, you cannot expect to erase the place in their heart or mind that still wants to be loved or have been loved by their birth parents.  

The good news... Just as any parent of more than one child will tell you, love is expandable. Just because you love your first child, doesn't mean you love your second child less.  Each child is loved for his or herself. There is no more or less, just different.  Why should it not be true for caregivers and parents as well?  Your adoptive child may always have a part that wishes and wonders what it would have been like if the birth parents had kept him/her and may hold a fantasy of it. But that does not have to take away an iota of the love they hold for the people who did raise them, did care for them, did hold a long term place in their heart. True, it will be reality based, rather than fantasy. They will remember the arguments in adolescence, the toy you didn't buy them as a child, etc.  Few fantasies include such details. But the love and connection between you is also more real and [even when they may fight it] will be remembered. You worked to keep that heart intact. 

Image credits: illustrationsource.com, webheights.net

Parenting Tips: Grocery Bingo

Have you ever struggled to keep your kiddos cheerfully occupied while you did the grocery shopping?  No big plastic car shaped cart was enough to distract my kiddos from the brightly colored packages so carefully placed at their eye level. I finally turned to a variation of the traditional car bingo games.  I used a grocery flyer to cut out pictures of food I needed to buy on a regular basis. I glued them onto paper in three rows of three and put the paper in a sheet protector so it could be used over and over.  [Today I might use the computer to find pictures and create and print my bingo cards.] When we went shopping I would give each child a "playing card" and some sticky notes.  Their job was to cover each item's picture with a sticky note when they saw it in the store.  It kept them focused and generally happy while I went aisle to aisle.  [If you know your store well you can plan the card so that there is at least one picture they can find in each aisle!]

From the tic-tac-toe style game cards for toddlers you can expand to bingo size 5 x 5 cards for older kids. Once the children are old enough to be on their own in the store, convert from game cards to picture shopping lists with each each child responsible for getting the things on their list. IF you do it by aisle you can stay in the aisle watching the kids while they gather the items in that aisle and bring them to the family cart. As they get older you can teach comparison shopping, name vs house brand, nutrition labeling, etc.

Grocery shopping may take a bit longer with the cards but the lack of fighting and whining will make the time go by much more pleasantly! Besides, they will learn valuable independence skills, and the kids will actually enjoy it. Can you imagine... grocery shopping as family fun!