Caring Heart: Heartbreak of a Serious Crime

I hope none of you ever need this meditation. But, if you or someone you know does, I hope it will help. It was not designed for last week's situation [see my Tuesday May 15 blog]. I wrote it when I found it so difficult to find the words to console a friend whose  foster/adoptive child had committed a terrible murderous attack.

When they commit a severe crime...

Oh merciful God, I cannot believe he did this.  I cannot wrap my head around it, much less my heart. I feel so broken inside. This child-man that I have loved and sheltered and cared for these years.  Should I have known he was capable of such violence?  Was there something I could have done to prevent this awful crime?  How do I face his victims?  How do I face him?  What can I say? What can I do?  I have cried until there are no more tears.  I don't know where to turn, except to You.  I need Your help so desperately to get through this.  I need to get through this for the rest of my family. They are looking to me for explanations and comfort that I do not have. Be with him Lord.  He is so very lost. Comfort his victims. They are in such pain. Help me Lord.  Help all of us.  Help me put this burden down, Lord.  Help me find a way through this awful wilderness. Take this pain away.  Be with me through the pain. Help me find the words, the path, the faith to help myself, to help him, and all of us. Help us to find peace beside the pain.  Help us one day rediscover a bud of hope amidst the despair. Be with us all.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Focus on Fostering: Senseless Deaths

For the last week it has been very hard to be a foster parent in Maine. This is May... National Foster Parent Month... a day to celebrate the work we do, working to give children a safer childhood and better future. And then the news.  First there was news of a 10-week-old baby who had been thrown by his frustrated dad into a chair and was on life support.  By the time baby Ethan died, his twin brother and 3-yr-old half-sister had already been taken into custody by the state. The 23-year old dad's slumped shoulders were on every news channel as he was arraigned and charged with depraved indifference, etc. etc. That was bad enough.

Then the news revealed that the dad had himself been a abused as a young boy and had been in the foster care system through several homes before his final home at 8 where he was adopted at 9 years old. His foster then adoptive parents are heartbroken.  They have lost a grandchild and now also face the immeasurable pain I wrote about for my book [in a meditation I will share in this Sunday's Caring Heart post].

They also grieve for the young boy they adopted and raised, dreaming and planning a much different future for him. Ironically this same man, now in shackles, had been the focus of a news story 14 years ago when his adoption at 9 and grinning face signaled and celebrated a "happy ending" for a child who had struggled in foster care. [ Read Bill Nemitz's recollections and article. ]  It would be easy to despair.

But my point today that is that we must not despair! There is no way to make sense of a senseless death. Sadly, senseless deaths happen all the time.  Sometimes they come at the hands of noteworthy disaster such as a tornado or a hurricane or a tsunami. Sometimes they come randomly, as when a tree branch falls without warning on a playing child. Sometimes they come through careless, impulsive, human behavior, as in drunken driving, or substance mixing, or lashing out. Sometimes they come from that split second loss of control or rational thought  as in many suicides, murders, and child abuse deaths. We can [and should] study them. We can [and must] do our best to prevent them.  But I think we delude ourselves if we think that we can even control all the factors that come into play.

In a way, how arrogant to think we can.  As parents, we would never take all the credit for what our children accomplish or for all of their good traits. But we are quick to feel to blame for their mistakes, big or small. To feel we should have been able to predict or to prevent.  To feel that what we did was not enough. That we should have done more.  That doing more might have made a difference.  Sometimes we are faced with the pain of senseless death.


Image credits and thanks to: mindful construct.com,  my photos re the Portland Sunday Telegram and Bill Nemitz's wonderful article  and Edward Murphy's background article.

Focus on Fostering: Powell tragedy

I have been fighting to not overreact to the news of the tragedy in Washington that cost the lives of Susan Powell's two sons, Josh and Braden, at the hands of their father Josh Powell. I have tried to continue my usual schedule of blogs, not wanting to feed the frenzy or exploit the tragic loss.  But I don't feel comfortable ignoring it either.  Strangely I had pre-written a blog for posting after the holidays that I had titled "Waiting for a Tragedy."  I have now un-scheduled that post.  But the reality is that changes in protocols and procedures, like changes in support and training, all to often follow the pendulum that seems to rule all economic and legal decisions. They grow in reaction to powerful events and shrink in reaction to a stretch of time with an absence of obvious or notable events. Juggling competing rights and needs will always be a challenge. I am painfully familiar with some of the issues, but would like to present three reminders:

1-Good judgment is not easily discerned or defined.

2-Good judgment cannot always be legislated or enforced or enticed. 

3-Good judgment is not clairvoyant. 

Let us pray for those left behind.

Let us pray for comfort and wisdom for those haunted by second-guessing.

And please, let us all pray for that person assigned to take the boys and supervise a visit, who will live the rest of their lifetime with the images and memories of Sunday morning. 

Image credit: writerscafe.org

Soapbox: A Thought

I don't remember where I first read this or who said this, but I will let it stand on its own for my soapbox today.

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why he allows poverty, suffering and injustice when he can do something about it."

"Why don't you ask Him"

"Because I'm afraid he would ask me the same question.






Image credit: idswy.com

Caring Heart: 9/11 plus ten

9/11 plus Ten

Ten years.  It has been ten years.  It seems like yesterday and yet forever ago.  My little guys barely remember 9/11.  Ten years ago tragedy struck and for a magical time the whole country was united in compassion and caring.  Yes, there was patriotism.  Yes their was anger and in some a desire for revenge.  But mostly, in the days and weeks that followed there was compassion. People of all ages rushed to help, rushed to support each other, sent messages of any and all kinds.

I can't do a regular Caring Heart meditation today. [Tomorrow I will reflect and share a slide show I made ten years ago for my students after a visit to New York.]  But today I want to celebrate the compassion that was in everyone's caring hearts ten years ago.  I want to pray that we recapture that compassion and never ever lose it. I don't want us to forget the pain and heartbreak and shock of the events of ten years ago. But even more I don't want us to forget the compassion, the unity, the caring and empathy. Ever.

Ribbon image from a photo I took in NYC near Ground Zero September 2011

Caring Heart logo art  by Anna Parker David from the book cover "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   

Parenting Tips: Child Safety Alert!

WARNING ! !

Downed trees are a common occurrence in wooded areas but did you know they are a deadly hazard for your children?  Two families in Maine have learned the had way and have taught others to be aware of the extreme danger posed by the root ball of a downed tree.

Preschool children love to explore. They are adventurous. Unfortunately they also have very little sense of what is dangerous.  Twice in the last six years in Maine, preschool boys have been exploring the fallen trees in the yard and died because neither they, nor the adults, realized the danger.

We have all seen huge root balls strangely vertica, perpendicular to the ground at the end of tall pines or other fallen trees.  What we need to remember is that although the tree is down, in many cases all that is keeping it down is the weight of the tree top and branches.  Often someone well-intentioned starts by cutting off the tree limbs and/or the top of the tree. If the tree is being held down only by the weight and tension, the base of the tree and root ball can suddenly snap back into its hole when that weight is suddenly released.

The parents of four-year-old Lucas Herrin and five-year-old Isaac Benjamin, learned the hard way. In each case a tree base snapped back into its hole, trapping a child whose curiosity had been unable to resist the big hole. They are now trying to spread the word of this little-known danger so that no one else will lose a son, a grandson, a brother. So that no one else will learn the hard way.  Spread the word. Please.

Image credits: graeme.org.nz, lucas-a-herrin.gonetoosoon.org, obits.dignitymemorial.com

Soapbox: Preparation Never Wasted

A lot of folks around where I live have been complaining that there was too much hype about preparing and "worst-of-the-century" language etc. Hurricane Irene/Tropical Storm Irene did not hit us directly, and lots of generators were purchased/rented, plywood nailed, furniture moved inside, etc. etc. .... "for nothing."

Hardly.

1-Those people should be rejoicing that they escaped being ravaged by Irene, hurricane or storm.  Any one of our many Vermont neighbors would happily trade for the opportunity to have "wasted" their time of preparation.  Any of the thousands still without electricity would rather have "wasted" their time. Any of the people cut off and trapped by roads or bridges destroyed envy those whose time was "wasted."

2- Preparation reminds us to celebrate the ever improving art of forecasting and prediction... even if it isn't perfect.  Imagine how different it was when the only warning was the ever-increasing winds or never-stopping rains!  When people thought it was over when the eye arrived only to be caught by the returning storm!  Teach us patience when the day before the predicted track is over one area and the next day a storm veers more to the east or more to the west.

3-I do not believe that preparation is EVER wasted effort.  Each time we prepare, we get better and faster and more clear-headed and calm about the preparation.

4- Sadly another benefit of practice at preparing is learning how to do it right, how not to lose our lives unnecessarily in a storm by... driving across washed out roads, or using generators too close to the house, or coming too close to downed electrical wires, or washed out while watching waves, or , or, or...

5- Even just thinking about preparation gives us the opportunity to consider what we value, what is worth the effort of protecting, what is expendable. 

6. Preparation lets us model safety for those we love and those we know.

Preparation is practice for survival, for enduring. Preparation offers neither a guarantee of being needed, nor a guarantee of being successful. But, preparation is one of our only means of improving our odds in the battles with nature and the world. 

Whether a seat belt, a helmet, or storm preparation... preparation is not a guarantee, but a bit of insuance against disaster. Like insurance it may not cover everything and may never be needed... but it is truly good to have. And, like insurance, preparation can offset, mitigate or protect against tragedy.

Image credits: thinkprogress.org, blog.outerbanksvacations.com,

 abcnews.go.com,christianpost.com, onestepahead.com

Soapbox: Preparing for Disaster

As I write this a hurricane seems headed for the Southeastern US coast and will be hitting the Bahamas even sooner.  Unlike tornados, we have warning about hurricanes today, at least in the U.S. What a blessing the gift of time to prepare is!  What would you do if you had a day to get ready for disaster. Think about it.  Because whether hurricane, forest fire, flood, or other, disaster can happen to anyone, anywhere.

Generally we have little control over a disaster.  Sadly, the part we can control we usually don't.  We CAN control how prepared we are.  Is it because preparing makes us think about the possibility of disaster?  Is it because starting to prepare shows how unprepared we catually are?  Whatever the reasoning... lack of preparedness is not a good plan.  Here are my three basic packets,

SURVIVAL PACKET:
Water bottles for 3 days of water for the whole household.
Dry or canned food that can provide noursihment without being cooked or refrigerated.
MEDICINE for 3-5 days.

KEY INFO PACKET: plastic folder/envelope with a copy of all your credit cards [front and back], copy of SS card, driver's license, birthcertificates of kids, medical emergency info and contact info for family members. In addition to banking account info I try to keep a smallish amount of cash in this packet as well.

HEARTHBREAK PACKET:
Think of the photos of people and places that you would be heartbroken to lose in a fire or flood.  Make one album with a picture of each of those people, places, or events. First home, grandparents, wedding, baby, whatever. Same for jewelry or other small posessions.  If they are too large to take, take photos of them and put the photos in the album. This will help preserve the emotional ties and memories, often the biggest loss in a disaster.

Make it fit YOU and your family.  Ex: I am a writer, so in my heartbreak packet is also a flash drive [ok, several] with a copy of my most crucial computer files and photos. I also have a flash drive with a video walk-through of my house inside and out for emergency insurance purposes.


These three packets aren't sufficient for true preparedness. But, the food and meds are in a specifc place and the info and heartbreak packets are together in one backpack with a couple of water bottles and nutrition bars that in a pinch I could grab and run with only two minutes warning.

What are your essentials?
                         What have I forgotten?
                                              What ideas can you share?

Image credits: southerngirlacademy.wordpress.com, mylot.com, storageoffood.com, internetstationers.co.uk

[Note: As I was writing this in Maine, I felt queasy...later discovered what I was feeling was the earthquake tremor residue of the Virginia quake!..eerie given the topic I was writing about! GP]

Soapbox: Norwegian Tragedy... Reach Out

Like everyone, I have been both heartbroken and shocked at the recent tragedy in Norway.  I just sent one of mine off to a week at camp. How many hundreds of thousands of us in the United States do that each summer?  It is almost too much to bear to try to put myself in the place of any of th Norwegian parents and families who sent their children, their siblings, off to camp only to get the news of the shootings last weekend.  For today's soapbox I challenge all of you reading this to take a step to making the world smaller.  Think of those Norwegian families as our neighbors.  They are.

Take the few moments needed to send them a message that we care.  We wouldn't hesitate to send a card or make a phone call or send an email if it had happened a family on our street. Even if we had never met them we would reach out. Let's shrink the world and treat the people of Norway like neighbors that we just haven't had the chance to meet. Reach out to them. Think what it would mean to you to get word from around the world if it had happened here.

Here are some choices and below them are the addresses of the five Norwegian Embassies in the U.S. and which states they sere.  Do it... please.

1. Send a message to the Norwegian Embassy in Washington on Facebook.
2. Send an actual real sympathy card... in the good old fashioned mail [see contacts below].
3. Make a phone call to an embassy and leave a message that you care [same contacts below].
4. Have all your friends sign a card and send it.
5. Have your faith congregation all sign a card and send it.
          
The Norwegian Ambassador's name is Ambassador Wegger Chr. Strommen

Addresses, Emails, Phone and Contact Info---


The Consulate General in New York serves New York, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina and West Virginia.

Royal Norwegian Consulate General New York
825 Third Avenue, 38th floor
New York, NY 10022
Phone: (212) 421-7333
E-mail: cg.newyork@mfa.no

The Consulate General in Houston serves: Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Arkansas, Kansas, Florida and Alabama as well as Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands and Jamaica.

Royal Norwegian Consulate General Houston

3410 West Dallas Street
Houston, TX 77019
Tel.: (713) 620-4200
E-mail: cg.houston@mfa.no

The Consulate General in San Francisco serves: Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Utah, Washington and Wyoming.

Royal Norwegian Consulate General San Francisco
Office hours for visa: 9:30 am - 12 noon. (Wednesdays closed). Note: phone enquiries are also limited to the visa hours. Office hours for passports: 09:30 am -11:30 am and 13:30 pm -15:00 pm, all weekdays.
20 California Street, Sixth Floor
San Francisco, CA 94111-4803 USA
Phone: (415) 986-0766
E-mail: cgsfo@mfa.no

The Norwegian Embassy in Washington, D.C. serves: Iowa, North Dakota, South Dakota, Wisconsin, and Bahamas.

Royal Norwegian Embassy  Washington, DC

2720 34th Street NW
Washington, DC  20008
Tel:  (202) 333-6000
Fax:  (202) 469-3990
E-mail: emb.washington@mfa.no

Image Credits: unenlightenedenglish.com

Soapbox: Casey Anthony, Amanda Knox and William Blackstone

I had a post all ready to go on patriotism and almost stuck with it, but finally decided that I could not ignore yesterday's ruling in the Casey Anthony trial.  In some ways the patriotism theme still connects, because for many today's ruling tries their patience and tests their belief in some of basic standards of justice in this country. I am not going to talk about Casey Anthony's guilt, innocence, or even share my best guess.  I want to talk about the choices we make regarding justice and how moral choices challenge us all.

Years ago an English jurist named William Blackstone wrote a book which included his standard [often called Blackstone's Ratio]: "Better that 10 guilty men escape than one innocent suffer."

Centuries earlier the Bible writes that God will spare an entire city rather than destroy 10 righteous men in it. [Genesis 18:23-32]

In the American court system an accused person must be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt to be ajudged guilty and punished accordingly. Accepting that standard, it is a given that there will be guilty people who "get away" with murder and other crimes simply because there is not enough hard, provable, evidence to erase all reasonable doubts from a selected jury of 12.

Another trial we have been fascinated is the trial in Italy of American Amanda Knox.  Amanda Knox is almost the same age as Casey Anthony.  She too was put on trial for a murder. She too claims innocence.  Her character has also been questioned. She too has been in jail for more than three years.  But her trial is in Italy.  Different country.  Very different rules.  Also very different outcomes at this point.  In the Knox case reasonable doubt is not a required standard and many Americans have decried its absence. Reporters commented on the tragic differences between Italian courts and U.S. courts. But somehow it is harder if you think the person is guilty, isn't it. It is harder when the victim is a small, wide-eyed toddler.

So we are back to the bottom line.  Are we willing to let some who may be guilty, and even some who we may believe to be guilty, go free?  Is that better than risk the principle of innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt?  Our country has made a commitment to those decisions. Very few moral principles, choices, and decisions are easy. We often doubt.  We often question. Not all of our American principles are easy.  They aren't intended to be.


Image credits:  tothewire.wordpress.com, cbsnews.com, dailycaller.com, straightfromthea.com

Caring Heart: Good Fathers

Here in Maine yesterday there was a funeral for a beloved kindergarten teacher and her two elementary school children..all three killed by a separated husband who was about to go on trial for previous spousal abuse.  He then killed himself.  It has left a community reeling, an elementary school and its students shaken to the core, and our whole state desperate to find a more meaningful way to both reduce domestic abuse and protect its families. I know it is not just men who abuse, but since it is Father's Day today I have been unable to shake this story, so... I offer this meditation.

In praise and search of good fathers

Dear God,  the father of us all, we need good fathers.  We have many good fathers.  But we have others who are not.  You designed "father" to be a model of what it means to be loved and cared for with unending compassion, instruction, guidance, and love.  Yet, so many families are left without that model in their lives.  Sons who have to look outside their family for a model of what kind of father to be.  Daughters who are too little or too much the apple of their father's eyes.  We thank you for all the wonderful fathers who are a blessing in their families.  We thank you for all the men who step up [regardless of genetics or age] to be father figures for children who are desperately needing that guidance... just because they are needed.  We thank you for mothers who are trying to be both mother and father to their children. We thank you, and yet we dare to ask for more men who are fathers in your image.  We ask that men who are not may learn to change, to be more, to be better.  For the wives, for the children, for the world... we search for and we praise good fathers.  

"The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover. 

Soapbox: Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning

I ran across this amazing article by Mario Vittone that includes CRITICAL information for every parent who takes or allows their children [young or old or grown] to water.  Everyone has a mental image of a person drowning but the problem is that the image is usually created from a TV or movie depiction. A mixture a chaos and commotion like that seen in "Jaws" is far from the common reality of drowning.

The full article is on the web and is going around a lot.  It was originally written for submission to a sailing magazine, therefore the intro about a skipper etc.  I understand that it is going to be in a summer issue of Reader's Digest in modified form so look for it there, clip it out, and save it.  I plan to reread it every summer to keep it in the front of my mind.

He quotes Dr. Francesco A. Pia's research on drowning that describes the body's "Instinctive Drowning Response." He has found that 1: our mental image of drowning may be accurate if a person is in "aquatic distress," but that 2: when they are imminently in danger of drowning and the body's self-preservation kicks in automatic reactions that may hide the danger to a casual observer. This presents a huge danger.

The key points are that [unlike our screen image of drowning]
       • Drowning victims CANNOT call out for help.
       • Drowning victims CANNOT wave or intentionally signal their distress.
He goes on to explain exactly why this is true, and what you are likely to see for behaviors instead of the expected cries or signals for help. Read a detailed description of this written for search and rescue personnel in this second article on page 14 of ON SCENE, The Journal of the Coast Guard Search and Rescue.

The first article also lists these other things that can be danger signs of drowning:

• Head low in the water, mouth at water level
• Head tilted back with mouth open
• Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus
• Eyes closed
• Hair over forehead or eyes
• Not using legs – Vertical
• Hyperventilating or gasping
• Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway
• Trying to roll over on the back
• Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder.

Please, please, puh-lease,  read one or both of the full articles!  It could save a life and prevent a tragedy.

Be safe!

Image credit: gjcity.org, casj.org.ar, on.fb.me/idrphoto

Parenting Tips: When Tragedy Strikes

Every child whose home school was destroyed by a tornado, burned, or flooded needs this book.

 Every child who has had a family member or friend die unexpectedly needs this book.  

Every library should have this book available!

Yes, I know I just talked about this book on Tuesday... but many of my readers only "tune in" on the day they think fits them.  This book is too crucial for regular parents to miss.  Especially with all that has been happening lately across the country, in fact around the word.  Every child who has a relative or friend who has been traumatized could use this book.  Parents, teachers, neighbors, and caregivers should all read this book to understand what is happening inside the children.  I wish I had written a book as wonderful and as important as this one.  Every town library should have this book available for parents and kids who will never know when they may need it.  GET one! Recommend it to your town library and your school library!!

                   R e a d   i t ! 

A Terrible Thing Happened

By Margaret M Holmes

Ill by: Cary Pillo

Pub: Magination Press [American Psychological Assoc]

This fanTAStic book tells the story of Sherman Smith who saw a terrible thing happen. Readers watch as Sherman tries to forget about it but can't. It follows as he starts showing the impact of the memory and eventually readers see him meet someone who helps him talk about the terrible thing and then sees Sherman start to do and feel better.  One of my favorite things about the book is that the terrible thing is never specified which lets the reader or listener fill in the blank with what fits their experience.  A wonderful addition is an afterword that gives both examples of the kind and range of events that can cause trauma for children who are witnesses AND fifteen clear specific suggestions on how to help such children. This is my absolute favorite to reread or talk about when my kiddos at home, at church, or at school are clearly bothered by something... sometimes something I know has happened, sometimes something that we don't know.


Image credits: followinginmyshoes.com, slate.com, climbing.com, bookswim.com  

Focus on Fostering: Kids Dealing with Trauma

Two book favorites today for children who are dealing with traumatic events or memories:

A Terrible Thing Happened
By Margaret M Holmes
Ill by: Cary Pillo
Pub: Magination Press [American Psychological Assoc]


This fanTAStic book tells the story of Sherman Smith who saw a terrible thing happen. Readers watch as Sherman tries to forget about it but can't. It follows as he starts showing the impact of the memory and eventually readers see him meet someone who helps him talk about the terrible thing and then sees Sherman start to do and feel better.  One of my favorite things about the book is that the terrible thing is never specified which lets the reader or listener fill in the blank with what fits their experience.  A wonderful addition is an afterword that gives both examples of the kind and range of events that can cause trauma for children who are witnesses AND fifteen clear specific suggestions on how to help such children. This is my absolute favorite to reread or talk about when my kiddos are clearly bothered by something... sometimes something I know has happened, sometimes something that we don't know yet.

My Mom Has a Bad Temper
By: Beverly H Hopkins
Ill by: Marsha Lederman
Pub: Child & Family Press [Child Welfare League of America]

This book is more specific. This deals with the conflicting emotions common to a child [in the illustrations an adolescent girl] whose mother loses control of her temper and is abusive to the child.  What I like about this book is that even the mother is treated with respect, not made out to be a completely "bad" person, the child experiences believable family reactions and social pressures, and although social welfare etc. becomes involved the door is left often for the possibility of change.
Image credits:  clpgh.org, bookswim.com

Update: Boy Identified.. Camden Hughes

Camden Pierce Hughes was identified as the small boy whose body was found in South Berwick, Maine last Saturday. He was from Irving, Texas. Reports this morning indicate his mother, Juli McCrery [who is in custody in Massachusetts] may have confessed to giving him an overdose of cough medicine [the autopsy determined he died of asphixiation]. God bless Camden and all the other children whose lives are cut short by people who should be protecting them. 

Parenting Tips: Who is this boy???

I

Most of you know that I live in Maine.  Since last Saturday Maine has been transfixed by an unfolding tragedy... a mystery that we follow day after day, praying for a tv-sitcom solution, but knowing that no surprise ending can erase the pain of reality.

On a remote road near the New Hampshire border the body of a small boy was found under a blanket by the road.  For days no one has been able to identify this poor child.  Maine authorities searched databases of missing children all over the country and are chasing down even the smallest lead to who murdered this small child.

How can a child be missing and no one notice except perhaps the killer?  The very thought broke our hearts.   Night after night Mainers gathered with candles to hold vigil for this unknown child. Vigils were held at the local town hall, and at the site where he was found. Up to 200 people at a time gathered to mourn this small child abandoned and deserted. People left flowers mementos, messages, and stuffed animals.

For days this little boy has been an assembly of statistics [3 ft 8 inches, 45 pounds, blond hair, blue eyes, probably 4-6 years old], a haunting computer-generated photo our only image. The biggest clue to the personality this mystery child once had is the design of the shoes he was wearing when found.... Lightning McQueen [from "Cars"] black sneakers. Was it his favorite character?  How many times did he beg for these? Was it hard to get him to take them off at night? Was it his favorite movie?

Last night there seemed to be some possible leads that might solve this mystery.  But nothing will solve the pain of imagining what this boy endured, the frustration of seeing news coverage galore about Swartzenegger's illegitimate child and yet so little coverage to identify this lost soul, the anguish that children are so vulnerable to unreasonable emotions.  So, my hint today could be to hug your children tight and to cherish every moment.  But, unless you see online that his identity has been confirmed.... I don't have a hint... I have a PLEA!  Look at his face, his shoes, and ask yourself if you know this child.  He deserves a name.  He deserves to be mourned by people who loved him, not just strangers who wish they had the chance to love him. Help us find his name, his life, and someone who loves him. Thank you!


Image credits: Maine State Police

Quick Takes: Be Prepared!

With all the news coverage about the disaster in Japan, many of you may have children who are worried, or concerned about where you live and how safe it is. I really like the graphic at right. But for responding to Japan and controlling anxiety check out the kids page FEMA put together. There is a GREAT section for kids on  what kids may feel in a disaster that can help you talk to your kids. Check it out!

  Fema Kids Page: Best site to talk about disaster feelings and planning with kids!

Of course, another way to reassure them in a practical, hands-on way is to show them that you are prepared.... great chance to review your family fire escape plan, your emergency contacts plan, and if you are of a mind to prepare for other disasters you can find plans, essential supply lists, special needs hints, and much much more on what I think is the overall  best site:   http://www.fema.gov/plan/prepare/

If you decide to go the emergency pack route... here are some places you can start if you don't want to make one as a family:


Sites for emergency pre-done packs and supplies:

redcrosssstore.org
Personal Safety Emergency Pack [short term]   $9.95

thenaturalstore.com
American Red Cross Emergency Preparedness Pack [color coded module pack] $44.99

Amazon.com
Grab-n-Go Emergency Kit  [2 person-3 day]  $39.00
Deluxe Disaster Survival Kit  [4 person-3 day] $99.99  [Emergency Zone®]  
Datrex Emergency Water supplies [5yr shelf life, 64 individual pouches] $15.81
Mountain House 72 hour Emergency Meal Kit [7yr shelf life, freeze dried 3 each:breakfast, lunch, dinner, side veggies]  $56.99


Image credits:  fema.gov, homelandsecuritynews.info, amazon.com

Anything Can Happen: Tsunami

When I taught 5th grade the children always read THE BIG WAVE by Pearl Buck, a short story that takes place in Japan.  It tells of a boywho lived by the sea, and a family who lived on the hills of a volcano, and a tidal wave, and the philosophy of those Japanese people about the dueling dangers from the volcano and the sea.  It is a wonderful story.  Japanese artwork about waves are beautiful.


It is not a wonderful reality.
The waves are not beautiful.                     March 11, 2011

It will continue to happen.

2004 Banda Aceh....

before and after

December 26, 2004

Indonesian tsunami

Over 167,000 died.



We do not control nature, or the world.


Image credits: stoxeck.co.cc, esquire.com, katu.com

Focus on Fostering: Christina Greene and Anxious Kids

This past weekend a young girl died because she was in the right place at the wrong time.  Christina Greene was born on September 11, 2001, in fact selected as a "Face of Hope" celebrating babies born that day.  Her father, in his statement to the press, pointed out that Christina's life was bookended by two tragedies. as her father pointed out in his statement to the press. Her story and that of the other victims, the target, and assailant were all over the news and almost impossible to avoid with the periodic news breaks that happen throughout the day.

Those of us who are raising children with anxiety disorders find the nightly news a challenge.  Children who have experienced violence in their own lives are often particularly vulnerable to anxiety about becoming a victim to violence.  Helping them deal with the fears is always tough, but when a child is killed the fear is more real, making the task of calming your children even tougher. At least with television shows you can be vigilant and be prepared for challenging story lines.  But the news can spring on you with a news flash breaking into whatever your child is watching.

When a news story like this is prominent, be especially supportive, aware of mood changes or behaviors, do your best to keep the routine as normal as possible, and use your best judgement and knowledge of your child to decide if and how to address it.  If the child is school age, avoiding hearing about things like this is not realistic, so be prepared. Be alert. As with almost all the other issues common to children in foster care, the greatest gift you can give them is a sense of safety and love. There is no safety bubble we or any parents can put around our children. Hang in there.. and those of you who are comfortable, say a prayer for the families for whom this is not a distant news story, but a local story, for those for whom this is a tragedy that happened not to someone else, but to people they knew, or to them.

Image credits:  imageenvision.com and KTLA news [from the family]