Parenting Tips: Tame the Worries...pt 1

All kids worry.  Sometimes though, the worries of kids in care are stockpiled on top of regular kid worries and the pile becomes overwhelming. The worry thoughts crowd their heads and can seem to squeeze out all the good things, the good times, the calm. Try this little trick to tame the worry monster and cut him down to a more manageable size.

1. Get two different color sticky notes.  One color to stand for worries, one to stand for solutions.

2. With your child pick a spot on their bedroom wall. This will become their worry wall.

3. When your child mentions a worry [or you see one] write it on a worry sticky note and put it on their "Worry Wall."

4. Talk to the child about the problem.  When you come up with a plan for dealing with the worry [or even a solution] write it on a solution sticky note and place that sticky note next to and partially over the worry note.

Checking in on the Worry Wall can become part of bedtime tucking in, to kind of review the solutions and strategies so that the child can go to sleep focused on solutions not worries.  Using a Worry Wall also builds a habit of sharing concerns and working together to find solutions.... a habit that will pay off BIG time when your child is a teenager!

Remember... 

the bottom line we ALL

need to learn is....

Image crdits:

emotionalmachines.org,

looktothenorth.wordpress.com,

sodahead.com

Quick Takes: Money Grows... in a bank!

Here are two illustrations re saving money that I photographed while watching a TODAY show segment over a year ago.  They are very impressive even though each has a "but."  I think they are still wonderful.

The first graphic:

This can be used to show kids the value of steady saving and the importance of not touching your savings.  In it a single $1000 investment put in the bank on the day of a child's birth has only grown to $1595.62 in the first five years and only to $6,487.04 by 20 years. BUT, when the child retires at 65 years old the account will have almost half a million dollars [$435,664.43 to be exact!]  The but?...The sad part about this image is that I don't know anyplace you can invest $1000 and get a 9.8% interest rate these days!

The second graphic:

This shows the concept or and power of compounding where money pratically explodes. By compounding the money goes from a simple penny [1¢] on the first day to over 5 million by day 30! [$5,368,709.12   to be exact].
It is a good teaching tool to warn of the dangers of compounding interest on doans and credit cards. At first most kids will not believe the second graphic so be prepared to hand them a calculator and let them try it themselves.

Image credits: photographed from a 2011 TODAY show segment with Jean Chatzky. 

School Bell: Celebrating School!

I don't know about your kids, but the last thing my kiddos want to do during vacations is school work.  So what do you do to use your spring vacation most effectively? Whether they are doing well in school so far or they are struggling, try this idea to inspire them to a good finish to the school year"

       Name and celebrate their successes, efforts, and hard work!  

Every single night of vacation as the family gathers around the table find a way to celebrate and name what they have done or are doing that contributes to school success.  They will not only see that you notice what they are doing, they will hear exactly what it is that you are honoring and valuing. Best of all they will be receiving positive attention for the good, rather than more typical disappointment or frustration with their challenges. Ideas:

--Celebrate a memory of the school year that demonstrates their efforts and their progress. Make up little trophies [or get from novelty store], or a certificate etc. to make the honor concrete.

--Share an assignment that they worked hard on and talk about how proud you were to see their effort.  If you remember what strategies they used, talk about them. [Ex: flashcards, drill, doing a bit at a time, etc.]

--Decorate a big mirror or door or fridge front with an array of positive papers and comments from the school year.

If your child is really struggling.... if none of the above seem feasible, try one or more of these:

--Buy a medal or blue ribbon from a party/novelty store [or make one!] and award it during dinner one night to celebrate a risk your child made or something new they tried, focusing on the courage it took to try regardless of the level of success.

--Celebrate the fact that your child is_______ [getting to school on time each morning, being polite in class, participating in chorus/band/sports/whatever, telling you the truth about how school is going, coming to you for help on homework or prepping for tests, etc.]  As long as your child is still in school they have not given up completely and you CAN find something to honor!

--Think about what previous struggles have been conquered. Bring them up and point out how easy they are now, celebrate! Ex: Talk about how long it took to learn to [tie shoes, or name colors, tell time, or write their name, etc.]  yet how simple the task is now. Compare that to things that you once struggled with, but keep the emphasis on what they have already worked through and conquered.

Image credits and thanks to: wbrz.com, medrounds.org, open.salon.com

Focus on Fostering: What's in a Name?

One of the things that makes foster children feel like odd man out is that their last name is usually different from everyone else in the family.  The longer they are with the family the harder it is.  I have often had long term foster children who have desperately wanted to have the same name as mine or the other children in my family.  The desire to "match" is strong.  Sometimes I have even had foster siblings who had different last names from each other making an even wider array of last names in the house.  They still missed that sense of matching that says we belong.

If this problem has ever come up for you, did you know that they can often use your last name for most ordinary purposes?  For example: They can use the family last name [let's say "Sally Smith"] on the school homework papers, permission slips, church, synagogue, scouts, etc.  The only thing they must understand is that all legal papers must be in their legal name[let's say "Sally Jones"]. This means report cards, evaluations, therapy and medical reports, etc. will have their legal name. Sometimes if you talk to the school and your school is cooperative they will put both names [ex: "Sally [Smith] Jones"] If you plan to do this, let teachers know so they aren't caught unaware, and so they can adjust their alphabetical lists accordingly.

Often this can even be done with the blessings of your human services caseworker, particularly if your child is in counseling and the therapist agrees that it would be therapeutically beneficial for the child. They often don't crave the legal change as much as the chance to blend in socially. 

Image credit: teamlobsterbisque.com

Focus on Fostering: Blessings Cake

As all experienced foster parents know, kids in care often see their lives as bleak, as filled with negatives. Part of our job is to help them recognize what is good in their lives.  One strategy I have used is a "Blessings Cake."

I make their favorite kind of cake and frost it with their favorite flavor icing.  Then I buy whatever their favorite colorful candies are.... M&Ms, Skittles, Mike and Ikes, jelly beans, or gumdrops all work fine.

This year I did it as part of our beginning a new year celebration, though not on New Year's Eve.

Each child received a small dish of one color candies, and there was a bowl of mixed colors as back up.

The kids helped me make the numbers of 2012 in one color candy in the center of the cake.

The set up was simple.... We went around the table and took turns naming people that were a blessing in our lives.

Whoever thought of the person put a candy somewhere on the cake to honor them.  IF the same person had been a blessing to more than one, the others could also add a candy as well. We could also name events or situations [getting braces off, having a warm house, etc.] that were blessings.

I found that by using the candy/cake combo the kids were far more invested in thinking up blessings than if we had just been sitting around as a family having a discussion! [The only start of disagreement was whether to make a design with the candies or just toss them randomly on the cake.]

When we ran out of blessings or candies we shared the cake happily aware of the multitude of blessings which each of us had.

My favorite response? 
"Hey Nana, next year we might need TWO bags of Skittles!"

Holidays 101: #28-Predictions for 2012

So far as I know, none of us owns a fully-functioning crystal with which to look into our future.  Even so, the grocery store tabloids are screaming with front-page predictions about almost everyone and nearly everything that could possibly happen in 2012. While I don't encourage children to read the tabloids, it is sometimes fun to use a New Year's Eve to both teach about the untrustworthiness of tabloid journalism [for older kids] and create some family entertainment for this new year AND the next new year's eve.  Here is how it works...........

--Explain about predictions if your children are young.  If they are older maybe grab a typical tabloid to show the range and sometimes silliness of predictions.

--Ask each member of the family to make some predictions for the New Year 2012 and then sign their name to their list.  [Help younger kids by acting as their secretary.]
      +++ include possible accomplishments, activities, and some silly things for fun too!

-- Explain that you will save these lists until next New Year's Eve when you will reopen them and see if anyone got some predictions right! [Maybe stick in a $10 bill for the person who has the most predictions correct??] 

--Make a family ceremony of sealing the predictions in an envelope and marking it "Do NOT open until December 31, 2011" before placing it in a location for safe-keeping. Mark your calendar [paper or digital] to remind you a few days before next New Year's Eve to dig out the envelope and place it in full view, ready for the grand reveal!

Note: Maybe even save those tabloid predictions to see who does better?


Image credit: e-forwards.com, blog.mediatrust.com

Holidays 101: #4 Teen Inspiration

A inspirational gift for adolescents or teens:

Teens with the Courage to Give:
Young People Who Triumphed Over Tragedy and Volunteered to Make a Difference
by Jackie Waldman
Pub Conari Press    copyright 2000

This paperback book has 30 chapters, each telling the story of a remarkable teen.  Each chapter is short [between 3-6 pages] and is told from the viewpoint of each teen.  The teens tell their story, the obstacle they faced, how they got past it, and what they chose to do that gave their life direction and purpose focused on helping others.  These stories provide wonderful inspiration for adolescents and teens, especially those who feel that life has handed them a lemon or two.   Many of the chapters offer resource information and/or ideas for readers to pursue similar ideas.  20 pages of back matter at the end of the book provide discussion questions, action resources, suggested reading and more.

School Bell: Currency of Thanks

I know that by now some of you may be getting tired of the giving Thanks themes, but I want to take a post to consider the value of thanks on all sides of the school equation.


1- Thanks to a teacher from a parent... I taught school for over 30 years and only three times got written thank you notes from a parent at Thanksgiving or unexpected times.  Believe me, I remember those parents... to this day.  I am not complaining... I got many thank yous at the close of the school year each year, and many spoken thank yous. What I want you to know is the power of a written thank you when a teacher is not expecting it. The way that it boosts your spirits, revitalizes your reserves, and carries you for days and days.


2- Thanks from a teacher to a parent... I have raised nine children completely and others for stretches of time. Some have been great students, some special needs, some challenging, some hard-working and some lazy. Those of you reading this who may be teachers yourselves... How often have you stopped to jot a quick thank you note to a parent who you see working to support their child's efforts in school?  Parents also need to know their efforts are noticed and appreciated.

3- Thanks to your student child... Try writing a quick note to your child after a decent study session for a test. After they struggle and finish completing a late assignment, or a tough project, or making up back work. Maybe even a short thank you note the day they sit down to do their homework without arguing. Kids need to know we notice.  Praise for good stuff is FAR more effective than slams when they make mistakes. By giving that praise in writing, it sticks around both in their minds and on paper longer. 


Any kind of thank you is better than none.  But a thank you someone takes the time to WRITE is particularly powerful because it is so uncommon these days. It doesn't need to be fancy. It doesn't need to be on cute stationery.  Although I personally prefer signed ones, it doesn't even need to be signed.  It just needs to be personal, honest, and specific.  "Steve, Thank you for studying so hard for your history test last night. I am proud of you!, Mom," or "Mr Thompson, Thank you for such a great study guide for the history test, it made helping Steve study much easier!, Mrs. Smith," or "Mrs Smith, Thank you for all your hard work helping Steve study for his test!, Mr. Thompson."   Give it a shot.  It can't hurt.

P.S. I wouldn't hurt for your child to send one to you or the teacher either!


Image credits: freestyledesigns.net, robinscraftroom.com

Parenting Tips: Halloween Teen Options

In my house once you turn 13 you are too old to go out door to door trick or treating in costume. [ Not necessarily a good rule for everyone and everyplace. But where I live it is a good rule.  Being older and out is an invitation to temptation  to join in risky activities, or to be blamed for the misbehavior of others.]

Our rule made me come up with other holiday activities for my teens.  So, here are a few they have like over the years....

1- They can be the official door greeter on Halloween... in a non-scary costume if they would like, or not. Greeting the little children and watching their little faces light up as they trick or treat.

2. They can each invite one teen friend over to our house for an evening of Halloween movies.  [Some of the old ones are the best according to my kids, who enjoy previewing a bunch in the weeks ahead of Halloween to chose what ones might surprise their friends most.

3. Helping create a Halloween feast for their friends with all the homemade goodies that people used to give out before all the food scares.

4. Decorating the yard to make it Halloween-y but not too scary for little folk.

5. Hosting a small party featuring the old-style games they may have played as kids on Halloween, but haven't played as teens [bobbing for apples, donuts on a string, etc.]

6. Participating in a community youth activity on Halloween night if your community offers one. [Example: juding scarecrow contests, costumes at the elementary school or middle school, attending a Halloween dance at the high school, etc.]

Oh yes.... And whatever you chose to offer them, I always allow my "too-old--to-tick-or-treat-children" to each go to the store and pick out one bag of their favorite treat for themselves to ease their pain. [Since I have several teens they often choose to collaborate!]  Good luck!

Image credits: celebrations.com

Focus on Fostering: The need for space

I talked last week about the social code of personal space, but today is not about conversational space, but space away by yourself.  Some parents think their children [especially adolescents and teens] are spending too much time alone, holed up with their video games or computers or facebook, or just isolated via headphones.  But although that isn't time spent with family... it isn't alone time either.

Kids need to learn how to be alone in their own personal space with time to think, to tinker, to read, to daydream, even to fall asleep.  Possibly the only teens who understand that are those who must share a bedroom with a sibling.  They are painfully aware of not having a place to go to be in their OWN space.  Parents need their own space too.  I suspect it is a basic human need of a sort.  The need to occasionally withdraw, to regroup, to rejuvenate, or just to be ,,, but to be alone.

I think children in care particularly benefit from having a space that is theirs. A space where they can cry, or be angry, or admit they are happy, or admit they have lost so much.  I think we as foster parents need to find ways to teach them how to find space and time to be alone.  Teaching them to find personal quiet at a beach, or on their bedroom floor, or in a field. Teaching them how to claim space and privacy in healthy ways.

After all...

everybody needs alone time.









Image credits:  ourfamilyforhisglory.blogspot.com, waileadailyphoto.blogspot.com, secularcafe.org

School Bell: Parent Conference Tips

Last Monday I talked about assesing the start your children have made this year and encouraged conversation with his or her teacher.  So, we have already talked about the importance of sharing the home perspective with the teacher on school in general and on the homework front as well. Here are three key tips to keep in mind as you prepare for that conference.

Bring specific questions.

"How is he doing?" is less helpful than "What area does he need to work on?" "Who does she usually buddy up with for team projects?" instead of "Is she getting along with others okay?" These can help you be more effective helping your child with both studying and social concerns.

Prioritize and Make a list.

Having a list of key things you want to cover or questions you want answered is one of the best ways to be sure you don't get sidetracked during the conference or stuck talking in platitudes and generalities.  Most conferences are limited to around 20 minutes. The teacher will have information to share, so decide your top two priorities and write them down to make sure you cover them!

And....
If you can't get to everything, make an appointment to continue the discussion, chances are there is another parent waiting in the hallway for their 20 minutes.

Image credit: angelamaiers.com

Focus on Fostering: When they are hateful.

I had intended to write a post on bonding books today but just can't make myself.  It has been a truly horrible week with children swearing, shouting, throwing, hitting, etc. You may know the kind of week. The kind where you wonder why you are doing this.  The kind of week when you think you have rescued children from abuse only to be abused by those children.  The kind of week when for 2¢ you would walk out the door and just drive until it was night and then sleep in the car. But... if you have chosen to take in therapeutic level children, or children who are deeply troubled, these days will happen, this is a part of what you are likely to get.

You need to know that.

You need to be ready for it.

What can you do?  Take Ten.... here are my favorite ten.

1. Remember the limits of your influence.

2. B-r-e-a-t-h-e.   Slowly and to a count of four.
In-2-3-4-, Out-2-3-4-.  Over and Over.

3. Remove yourself from the anger inside you.
Take a break... give yourself a timeout.

4. Keep reminding yourself that their words are just that.... words.
Yes, they hurt. But they don't even necessarily have the meaning the imply.

5. Pick up the phone and call a friend.

6. If the children can be left with someone else for a bit... do so.. and take a walk. [or even a stomp!]

7. Keep telling yourself that their anger is more about their pain, than about your fault.

8. Congratulate yourself that even at your angriest you will NOT do to the children what others have done. You are still keeping them safe, even in your anger.

9. Repeat: This mood is temporary this will pass this mood is temporary this will pass. etc.

10. B-R-E-A-T-H-E.  Deep cleansing breaths just like are needed in the midst of the pain of childbirth.

Sometimes one of them works, sometimes it takes all of them. Sometimes none of them work and I just have to wait it out. Sometimes I have to start over again at #1.

You are not alone.
           What you are doing is good.
                          What you are doing is HARD.
                                               You are not alone.

Image credit: mamaroo.com

Parenting Tips: Family Rules Pt 3 -Tattling

Tattling gets a bad rap.  No one wants their child to grow up to be a constant tattler.  But, kids need to know when telling on someone is an act of love and when it is an act of betrayal.  We need to teach them.  In my house I have 3 "Tell- Not Tell" Questions to help my kiddos decide when they MUST tell, when they can CHOOSE to tell, and when they should NOT tell.  They are to ask all three questions to decide what to do.

1.  Is it true?  [Do they believe that the information they are thinking of sharing is true?]
     NO?  Stop right here.... do not tell.
     YES?  Go on to question 2.

2. Is it kind?  [Is the information they are thinking of sharing kind, complimentary or, good news info?]
     YES?  You may tell. [ Only if the information is verypersonal or private does someone usually object to good things being shared.]
     NO? Go on to question 3.

3. Is someone's health or safety at risk? [Will the information help someone stay safe?]
    NO?  You may choose to tell if it passes  questions 1 & 2 .
    YES?  You MUST tell a person in charge.  Better to lose a friendship than to lose a friend.

Kids need to learn that telling a person in charge [parent, caring adult, authority, whatever] is not only good, but CRUCIAL when it protects someone. Think of the suicides, aggression, bullying, drug use, etc. etc. that are concelaed for fear of being a "tattletale."  We have to educate our children early on and often to help them distinguish when to tell and when not to tell.

It may be true that no one likes a tattletale, but it is also true that sometimes someone needs a tattletale. Start when they are young, because when they are teens they will need to know how to decide.

What rules or guidelines do you use with your kids about this issue? Share, please!

Image credits: memyselfandisis.wordpress.com, depinkus.wordpress.com

Parenting Tips: Family Rules pt 2-- 5 W's

With a new school year starting, you can expect your children to ramp up the requests.  Whether it is a preschool playdate, an elementary student getting invited over after school, a middle school hang out at the playground, or a jr high trip to the mall, or a high school party with friends, kids will always be asking permission for this or that adventure. 

Family rules…Remember the guidelines in last week's post about starting early and modeling. It is a KEYto heading off teenage whines of "It's not fair!" etc.

The reward for all that early work?  If you have always answered these questions for them and have helped them answer those questions for you from early on, sharing this kind of information will become automatic communication style in your home.

In my home I use the 5 W's plus H.  The list is posted on my door just to remind me and my adolescents.  They know that if they want a thumbs up "Yes" to their request, they should come to me prepared with the answers to the 5 Ws and H.  I even made a small wallet-sized version for one child who often called me from school with her requests. Here is my list... What is yours?

Who ?   

Who are you going with and who will be there?

What ? 

What do you need to bring and What are you planning to do?

Where?

Where will you be if there is an emergency and I need to reach you and where else should I check if you are not there?

When?

When do you plan to be back and When should I worry if you aren’t back yet?

Why?

Why should I feel safe letting you go and Why do you feel safe with your plans?

How? 

How will you reach me if you need help getting home and How can I help you?

Image credits: publishing.wsu.edu,thenakedhero.com

Focus on Fostering: Game Tokens

So, when was the last time your kids fought over who got to be the thimble in Monopoly, or the blue playing pieces in Sorry, and on and on?  You get out a game for a few minutes of family bonding and before you even can start it seems they are at each other's throats. Sound familiar?  Try this.... take the caps off old medicine vials. Take some extra school pictures or old snapshots of your kids.  Cut the face of each child in a circle matched to the size of the cap. Glue the picture to the cap.  Voila... personal playing pieces!

For games like Monopoly you will only need one picture playing piece for each child.  For games like Parcheesi, Sorry etc. you will need a set of playing pieces for each child. Use matching pictures or a mix of pictures of each child. No problem remembering who is what color or what symbol.  No fighting over colored playing pieces.  Kids love moving "themselves" around the game board.  Plus, for kids with attachment or self-esteem issues, personalizing is a real plus.

And don't forget to make them for the parents too!  

For an extra kick make some for frequent playmates of your children. My kiddos' friends are always excited when they discover I have made a playing person just for them out of an old snapshot.  Try it!  Let me know how it works for you.

Image credits: moderngent.com

Focus on Fostering: Questions, Questions

How many times has your foster child been asked "How come you don't live with your own parents?" by a friend, by a child, or even by an unthinking adult? It is just one of many tough, personal questions that kids in care get asked over and over.  As a new school year approaches part of the dread and anxiety is often tied to meeting new kids with new questions. I think it is our responsibility as their foster parents to help them with how to handle personal questions that invade their memories, and their privacy.  In the language of texting, we need a polite way that they can say MYOB [Mind your own business].

How to answer depends on the age/maturity of the child being asked and on who is asking.  But the first thing that I think we owe our kiddos is the right to privacy.

We need to teach our children that just because someone asks a question, doesn't mean they have to answer it.

Children have a right to keeping personal information personal.  In this day of tweeting and facebook and my yearbook, and skpe, more and more personal information seems to be out in the world, and once information is out there, it is hard [if not impossible] to call back.


Teach children that it is okay to say, "I'm sorry, but that is very personal to me." or "I really don't want to talk about that." Even "Our family's business is our family's business."


There are may, many ways to answer questions about foster care that can educate their friends, or give enough information to satisfy their curiosity without revealing personal secrets. But, all too often we forget the possibility of NOT answering the question.  Children who have had traumatic or painful childhood's have a right and a need for privacy.  All children deserve privacy. Let's teach them that privacy is okay. Privacy is good.

Image credit: the-cat-alyst.blogspot.com

Soapbox: Special Ed Diplomas

Arrrggghhhh!  I am going to try to be calm as I write this entry.  In my state, in my town, as in many states and towns, there is an increasing demand to hold children to high specific standards of accomplishment.  This is a good thing generally.  However it sometimes shows a lack of sense, not to mention empathy or kindness.  "Someone" decided that receiving a high school "Diploma" would require meeting specific state standards of minimum accomplishment.  Still sounds good right?

However, no one apparently thought it through in terms of those who are intellectually incapable of meeting those minimum standards regardless of effort, due to  congenital or developmental impairments.  In some committee room somewhere they decided that for those students who have tried their darnedest and worked their hardest but who still cannot achieve those minimum standards a different document will be issued.  In their infinite lack of psychology and motivation they decided to call this document a "Certificate of Attendance."  Their document certifies that the individual attended high school for four years and is finished because they put in their time, put their bodies in a chair for a series of sufficient days to earn this demeaning, demoralizing document.

I have seen kindergarten diploma certificates like the one above. I have seen elementary schools use documents, like the one at right, almost as elaborate as my college diploma. Why can't they label as a "Diploma" the certificate given these children, some of whom put in more daily effort than those receiving "real" diplomas? If they want to distinguish it from the college prep diplomas, then do so.  Make one a "Diploma with Distinction" or "Diploma with Honors" or something! New York State used regular diplomas and "Regents Diplomas" for those who qualified through rigorous standardized state tests called "regents" exams. That was more than 50 years ago!

After struggling to keep my kiddos in school until they could finish high school, I [and they] expected more than an acknowledgement of their attendance in class as recognition.  They are ostracized and isolated and demeaned enough without the administration adding insult to injury in this last parting shot.
Give them a "diploma"....          
Come up with a solution!

Anyone out there have similar problem or other solutions used in their states????

Image credits: ilene.typepad.com, rison-dallas.com,  artweb.org, vaiden.net

Focus on Fostering: Foster Teens??

If you have teenaged foster children I have a resource to offer you and them.

            T H E     F O S T E R    C L U B

This organization is jam-packed full of amazing teens who are or were foster children.  They have lived the life of a foster child and are there to support and encourage other foster children in dozens of ways.  As their "about us" page opens:

"FosterClub is the national network for young people in foster care....

Every two minutes, a child’s life changes as they enter the foster care system. Currently, there are over 513,000 young people in foster care in across America. FosterClub is their club — a place to turn for advice, information, and hope."

On their site www.fosterclub.org  ---

-- your foster teen can take a survey and maybe win a iPod!

--they can read about and be inspired by 100 outstanding foster kids who were recently honored









--they can explore lists of famous people who were once foster children [from Ice-T and Eddie Murphy to Dr. Ruth and Dr. Wayne Dyer]

There is so so so much more.  There is also information for grownups, stats on foster care, and lots of help.  This is a great online place for your kiddos to start to hang out!  Check it out.  Spread the word.

Image credits: fosterclub.org

Caring Heart: High School Graduation

In homes all across the country it is the season for this meditation:

High School Graduation

Today she will graduate from high school.  Can it be?  There were times I wasn't sure that we would make it here.  Toes when I thought she might make it, but not with us.  She seemed so determined to fight against herself, against us, against life. It was such a battle to keep her in school and headed toward graduation. So many times that other experiences and activities seemed ever so much more attractive to her than attending class, much less studying.  But she IS graduating today!  Lord, thank you for this day. The past is done and now she will graduate.  Her future is still full of too many unknowns to count, but she has made it to this day, and she IS graduating. High school graduation is such a milestone.  It is a beginning.  It is a door to more possibilities. The past days have been full of tension, frustration, and more. But today we are united in joy, in pride, in celebration.  She is graduating today!
    

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker   Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover. 

Parenting Tips: Surviving Graduation Week

Tis the season.  Ahhhhh graduation.  Mental pictures of smiling graduates and their families standing proudly for the photo shot that marks the happy occasion.

Where are the cameras for all the angst of the week or weeks before graduation?  NO ONE wants to hold onto those memories and images.  Arguments over school deadlines. Overdue library or cafeteria fees that must be paid before diplomas are given.  Last minute surprise calls from school that bring more complications.  Seniors feeling entitled to adult privileges without equal responsibilities.  Attitudes, Retorts, and more attitudes.  Too many expectations of Hallmark moments.  Pride and concern. Stress of relatives and stress of a too crowded calendar.

Remember my Dec 23 2010 post?  It is still one of my most visited blog posts.  Revisit it.  Take the moment to Pause.  to Breathe.  Don't let the angst of graduation week distract you from the joy and pride. The dinners, the deadlines, the parties, the stuff is just that... stuff.  Pause. Breathe.

See the joy.  Feel the pride. 

Your child is graduating from high school.  Your child has made it farther than some may have expected.  The parent conferences and open house nights, the sports events and concerts, and exhibits you have attended. The years of homework struggles, of test anxiety or report cards that you both have survived.  Focus on the joy.  Focus on the pride.  Many, too many children never make it to this day. Forget the arguments and the stress of all those years AND of this week.  Be proud. Be joy-filled.  Your child is graduating.

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