Quick Takes: Creative Rewards #36-40

Today's quick take is five more creative rewards for your kids.  Examples are for a mix of ages and genders. [Creative Rewards #1-35 can be found if you search "Rewards."]

36. Get a manicure or special haircut. 

37. Have a family pillow fight. [Hint: Set a timer and use old, soft pillows!]

38. Visit a children's museum.

39. Help them pick out and subscribe to a magazine that will come addressed to them.

40. It's May... give them a hint of the summer they are so eager to enjoy. 

Set up a "picnic" in the living room.  Spread a plastic table cloth on the floor, splurge on some picnic ware or recycled paper plates and have some fun.... bonus.... no ants, mosquitos or flies!!

Watch for the next installment of creative reward ideas a month from now.

Image credit: digitalcorvettes.com, good-times.webshots.com

Anything Can Happen: Laryngitis. yippee!

Last week I woke up with absolutely NO voice... no warning other than a tickle at the back of my throat the night before.  I just opened my mouth to say "Good morning" to my cherubs and ... nothing.... not a whisper, not a croak..... nothing.  My overwhelming thought was "Thank GOODness!"  Why? Because it was last week, not this week.  Last Friday and Saturday I had basically no vocal obligations. This Friday and Saturday [today and tomorrow] I am presenting two Upbeat Parenting workshops at the Connecticut Association of Foster and Adoptive Parents, my first time at their conference. So today I celebrate that anything can happen, like losing your voice the morning of a conference presentation, and a big woo-hoo for timing that actually worked in my favor this time! My voice is back, the kleenex box and amoxicillin are added to my suitcase, and I am on my way!

Image credit: laryngitissymptoms.net

Parenting Tips: Plan a Happy Mother's Day

Have you ever been disappointed on Mother's Day? I have. I am ashamed to say that I have sometimes spent Mother's Day evening feeling sorry for myself, feeling frustrated instead of pampered or celebrated.  Not a very politically correct admission, but real.  Part of it is being a single parent for so many years.  But in all honesty it could have happened just as easily while I was still married.   I think it is partly because I didn't plan properly. I didn't teach my kids HOW to make it happy or give them the tools to succeed.

Set yourself up for a GOOD Mother's Day... start planning now!

What you can do will depend on your kids ages, dispositions, etc. but here are a few ideas..,

1. Mark it and circle it in red on all family calendars.
2. Talk about it at dinner.  Talk about it in the car.  Prep children [and spouses!] with lots of info!
3. Give them ACHIEVable ideas [ex: Don't expect 24 hours of calm... ask for an hour in the afternoon]
4. Make a list of wishes they could choose from.... include free stuff like backrubs, bubble bath, etc.
5. Stock up on things they need to make it easier for you  [paper plates, individual boxes of breakfast cereal, cake mix & prepared frosting, whatever] Maybe even rent a video that will keep them happily occupied for that hour of peace you want, while you curl up with a good book or the latest gossip mag.

If you are a single parent, give them ideas of things you can enjoy from the local dollar store [candles, soaps, stationery, whatever], give them chances to earn $1-2 during the week and arrange for a babysitter or friend to take them shopping.

Last but not least... While we are at it....start planning now for your next birthday.... teach your children to make a dinner meal that you would enjoy on your birthday. Teach them how to make a breakfast in bed tray, and the breakfast to go on it!

Image credits: whenguide.com,nslcity.org, mombizcoach.com

Soapbox: Power

Feeling like you have no power is an easy trap.  Sometimes it seems that every plan I make is hijacked by some child crisis, outside obligation, etc. etc. On the other hand, it is all a crock.  I have a ton of power.  I am a single parent so I am the only adult in the house.  I am the only wage earner, so I know exactly what comes in, and exactly what goes out.  I am the one who signs the checks, punches the code for the debit card, etc.

I may not always be able to choose the circumstances that surround me, but as the saying goes, I can control my reaction to those circumstances.  If I want to raise children who do not label themselves as victims, I have to model that for them. I need to model having power.

What about attitudes?  How can I complain [who, me?] about the 'values of today's young people' without re-examining my own power over the attitudes of my children? How can I say "Why can't I lose weight?" in front of them if I just baked brownies for dessert?  How do I ask "Does this make me look fat?" if I don't want them to measure beauty by shape? How upset can I get about a broken dish if I want them to place a low priority on things? And what do I teach when I drive past the homeless without looking? If I pass by the salvation army kettle? or the child's lemonade stand? If I postpone tucking in a child to finish a TV program? If I bury myself in a book rather than play another game of Candyland?

I  DO  have influence.

I  DO have power.

We all do.

Like the superheroes of my childhood...

the challenge is to look out for the kryptonite

and use my powers for good !

 :-)

Image credits: melissacooksgourmet.blogspot.com, sherriejohnson.blogspot.com

Focus on Fostering: Mother's Day Pitfalls

Mother's Day is coming.  Beware.

Strange advice?  Who needs a warning about Mother's Day?

People who are mothering other mother's children, for starters. Not everyone, but enough that it pays to be prepared and forewarned.

Pitfalls? Mother's Day has been a veritable minefield at my house over the years. The potential explosions can come from every conceivable direction.  What do I mean?  Let me share a few.

--the joy I felt when given a mother's day gift by an attachment challenged child that evaporated soon after when I was asked an hour later if she could have it back to give to her so she could give it to her real mother.

--the pain of comforting a child who so desperately wanted to connect with her birth mother but had been repeatedly rejected by her.

--a child whose life with her mom had been so difficult that she refused to even say the word "mother" or writer its letters on paper in spelling class, even when that resulted in her being sent to the principal's office

--finding torn up pictures of me with my birth children, because it was so painful for her to see pictures of what she never had.

These are just a few of the mines I've stepped on. If you are an experienced foster parent you probably have your own list of land mines. If you are new to fostering, don't run away... just be prepared.  You can't fix everything.  Even trying sometimes makes it worse. Your feelings may get hurt. Your pride may be wounded. But keep your mind and heart open. The biggest land mine of all would be if you gave up and stopped offering your heart and your love.

Image credits:  health.msn.com, tlc.howstuffworks.com

School Bell: Keep on Spinning

Try these little tricks to break up the homework routine as the end of year stress increases.
Make a couple of spinners and put them to use.

1. Nightly Homework: Label one with Math, Science, History, Reading, Writing, and Nibble Snack. Put it with a timer on the homework table.  Set the timer for 5-10 minutes depending on the child's age and have them spin to see what they will do for each chunk of homework time.

2. Big Projects: Take a big project and break it up into chunks and label the spinner with the chunks.  [Gather supplies, make outline, set a schedule, write introduction, etc.] Each night before the project is due, spin to choose what piece of the project to begin with that day.

3. Test Study: Label another spinner with: make flash cards, quiz me, list facts, reread chapter, study with a buddy. Each night spin to see which study strategy to use that night. [no strategy can be used more than once a week].

Note: If you don't like to make spinners yourself here are some options:
You can even order spinners with erasable faces onlinefrom school mart for under $4. From learning things you can also order cheaper 1-9 spinners for $1.34 each and just make a list of choices to go with the spinner.  [options can be on the list more than once for this spinner].

But my favorite is the versatile clear spinner you can pop over any choice of options. [Seen above] They only cost $2 online.


Image credit: www.outsidethemargins.com

Caring Heart: Meeting the birth parents

  As the season of Mother's Day approaches, with Father's Day next month, I decided to use the meditation about meeting bio-parents.  The relationship is so challenging, the emotions so tangled.

Meeting the birth parents:

Today I meet the biological parents.  I admit that I am uncertain at best, worried for sure, and wondering how I will avoid appearing to judge them.  It is so hard, Lord.  I don't intend to put myself above someone else, and yet, here I am with their child.  I am not taking care of their while while they are in hospital.  This child was taken away for reason. I have never had a child taken away from me out of concern for the child's welfare.  So, in a sense, Lord, how can I not think I am better than these parents? I know it is not politically correct, but that doesn't mean it may not be true. I may not be better than they intended to be.  I may not be better than what they hoped to be.  But I am better than what they were able to be at least at this time.  So, today we will  be together in one room.  Those who have been told they cannot be trusted with their children's welfare.  Me who has been given that trust and that responsibility.  Help us to find a way to communicate, to share in creating good for this child.  Help us focus on what is best for this child and help us make whatever accommodations and agreements will enable the best possible outcome.  Help us.


Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker    Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.