Last week I talked about how I handle the "Why can't I live with my mother?" tough question. The answer I offered works, but there is another answer. It is totally fair and smart to teach our children that just because someone asks a question does not mean they deserve an answer! Some people [not just children] seem to feel they have to right to know anything they want. Not so! As foster parents [or adoptive], we owe our foster [or adoptive] children a way to shut down intrusive questions. We must teach them that they have a right to privacy. They desperately need us to teach them how to insist on privacy in a socially safe way. The Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc. has developed a simply wonderful program that does just that.
Written by Marilyn Schoettle, "W.I.S.E. Up!' teaches foster children four specific strategies for managing tough or awkward questions. It also offers practice in deciding which strategy to use for which questions. Children are helped to decide individually what questions make them feel uncomfortable and which are ok to them. The organization publishes a fabulous teaching workbook ("W.I.S.E. Up Powerbook"] which you can order for $15.oo that explains the whole plan to children.
They also publish a full color fold out "W.I.S.E. Up Pocket Guide" brochure
[$3.00 each] that reminds kids of the four strategies. These materials can be ordered in a version for foster children or a version for adopted children. Check it out and look at some sample pages at http://www.adoptionsupport.org (under their C.A.S.E. store) or on amazon.com. The strategies work for anyone trying to head off impolite questions, but foster and adoptive kids are often asked particularly painful ones.
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