Parenting Do-Overs

As an "experienced" parent and one with more than one "set" of children raised, I have the blessing of parenting hindsight.  Unlike most parents, I have the chance to "do it over again" and do it differently. I am still starting kids after having seen the outcomes with the earlier kids.  I do do it differently. Like the "Don't sweat the small stuff" guru, I now have a somewhat unusual set of priorities. This allows me to comfortably "give in" or "let slide" many things which other parents firmly grasp or compulsively enforce. Things which I grasped ever so tightly with my first crew and less so with my current cherubs. Predictably there are also things that I let slide with my earlier kiddos and stand firm and resolute now.  

If I had to summarize the difference I think it lies in a better ability at backward planning. I have a good idea now of what qualities I want my kiddos to have at 18, 28, etc.  I also have a better [though FAR from guaranteed] idea of how to get there from here.  So, I break the outcome into smaller and ever smaller increments and start working on them.  I think I work on them more consciously than the first time around, and with  greater confidence in the route than before.  

For most things I start working the plan earlier than the first time [like cooking and study habits]. Some things I do very differently [like the way I do rewards and privileges]. Some things are a mix of both [like teaching how to keep their bedrooms clean.] How much of this is because the kiddos I raise now come with more challenges and issues than my first set is hard to determine.  I am certainly glad that my early attempts were with more resilient, more natively able, healthier children. What I learned raising them has been hugely helpful in later parenting.  

One of the things I liked best about the teaching profession was the chance to reinvent yourself, your attitudes, your behaviors, your priorities each September.  Yes, students might notice a difference between what they had heard about you and what you were, but you could tweak your approach every year.  I didn't feel that freedom s a parent the first time around. I felt like "changing the rules" in midstream was unfair and likely to be unsuccessful.  I feel much freer now to change as it seems needed.  I feel much more comfortable letting go of a plan or a rule or a priority based on circumstances and needs.  I worry less about what the current thinking is or what the experts say and go more comfortably with what is actually working, cheerfully ditching that which is not working, regrouping and restarting.  

I don't believe there is any perfect set of parenting strategies or techniques to fit every child. Heck, we can't even find soap or cereal or shampoo to fit every child! But when I get tired of parenting, of dealing with homework  struggles or sibling squabbles for the umpee-thousandth time I celebrate the chances I have for do-overs, for mini or extreme makeovers, and for the blessings and focus of hindsight.