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Friday, October 2, 2009

Parenting Burnout?

This is one of those weeks when it all just seems too much.  Too many small crises, too many obligations, too many unexpected blips, too many everything.  As one who is currently dealing with adolescents and teenagers at the age of 60+ I would like a half hour to chat with those 50+ women I see on the news who are starting families.  It might start with "Are you CRAaaazy?" It would also include " What job is more important or gives more to the world than to raise a caring, responsible future member of society?" It would no doubt be a rambling, blithering half-hour that convinced no one of anything.... except perhaps that I was the crazy one.  

All joking aside, at my age there are many days when I question the sanity of my undertaking.  There are many nights when I worry that I am just letting some things slide, not out of rational, intelligent choice, but out of fatigue and parenting burnout. I can't tell you how tired I am of school open house night speeches, pulling baby teeth, of 4th grade recorder concerts, middle school graduations, and [perhaps most of all!] teaching kids to parallel park. Shouldn't there be a maximum for some of those irksome tasks of parenting?  Some number that, once you reach it, you are excused from that job forever more????

Burnout is a particular problem for single parents, regardless of age.  The wish for someone who would just come and take charge, giving you a break for a bit, is always there.  No one to be the other half of "good cop, bad cop." No one to tell... "You get up with them this time." No other half to say "I'll pick up A from her soccer game, while you take B to his doctor's appointment." No X to have as in... "Just wait until X gets home!" True, when child A walks up for their diploma, or B achieves a long-fought-for goal... you can hold in your heart the part you played in their success.  But you also are likely to personalize and take on  the blame for any failings or challenges.  

When parenting burnout hits, I try to roll with it.  I try to relax about the out-of-sorts symptoms it brings, keep going on the crucial stuff, let the little stuff slide. I try not to take it personally and instead I treat the burnout kind of like a seasonal cold. Extra rest, healthy food, plenty of water, and when possible a little extra pampering. For all my fellow burnout victims... maybe consider parenting burnout a mild seasonal allergy? It arrives when a certain pollen is in the air and it will pass on its own in due time. The symptoms are annoying and tiresome, but they too pass.  They don't kill us, they rarely even incapacitate us, but a little care and pampering is a good plan.  

So, start a tub, watch a useless TV show, pick up a guilty pleasure magazine at the checkout, or go sit by yourself on the porch and soak in a sunset or full moon.  The pollen will pass. 

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