My Only Rule

I have always told my foster children that there is only one rule in my house:

Safe and Loved

As in--Everyone and everything in the house/family is to be safe and loved.

If you think about it, those two things really cover almost everything that is crucial.  The Safe and Loved rule applies to the children in the house and to anyone else in the house...me, other children, animals, etc. The rule is simple enough for even very young kids to understand and remember.  It also emphasizes the two things often most at jeopardy in the child's previous placement. A neglected child is not safe, nor is an abused child.  It doesn't require the child to think that their own parent does not love them. I can explain that sometimes even people who love their children very much are not able to keep them safe.  Those parents have to take time to work on learning how to keep their children safe.  

I also refer to it VERY frequently [especially in the beginning of a placement]. [Ex: If one child is mistreating another by name calling, hitting, bullying, teasing etc... clearly the victim does not feel loved]. Experienced foster parents know that those behaviors may trigger PTSD or other fears in ways that makes the victim not even feel safe. But, when I talk to kids, I emphasized the loved part.  Otherwise, the offender generally tries to excuse the behavior by claiming they were just joking, or wouldn't really have done anything etc. etc.   

So, that's my rule.... Safe and Loved.  Try it out.  If these children who are such wounded birds can believe they are safe and loved, almost everything else is bonus.  And until they do feel safe and loved, nothing else much matters.