There are worse things

Yesterday I was reminded that my challenges with my kiddos are not the worst thing that can be. The challenges you are having are not the worst. We all know that in our heads. We even know it in our hearts. But when we are dealing with tantrumming, or soiling, or stealing, or lying, the ragin hormones of puberty, or even just the summer whines... we just forget. We forget that we are blessed to have the time to experience ordinary [or even unusual] challenges with which we struggle as parents.

Two colleagues of mine raised two sons through the minefields of adolescence, the trauma of a classmate friend's suicide, the struggle to succeed in college, and had a lot to celebrate about their boys. Monday afternoon their 21 year old was swimming at a nearby lake with friends, suddenly went underwater, and never resurfaced. His father, who worked for years of summer vacations as a lifeguard, and his mother waited for confirmation and yesterday afternoon their son's body was recovered. I didn't get the news until late last night, too late to call my grown children and tell them yet again how much I love them, or to wake my little guys to hold them tight.

I know when I go to see my friends today I will hear people saying "No one should outlive their child" and similar things. I can't imagine anything more painful. But I also know that it has not been long, even in this country since parents could expect to outlive at least some of their children. Wars, epidemics, even infant mortality of years past. So today I have a new, renewed , more palpable appreciation that I live in a country and a time when parents can realistically hope to raise all of their children and see them live full, long lives. Enough so that we feel betrayed and angry when a tragedy strikes.

So today, no commiserating about the challenges of fostering, no hints on surviving the hurdles, or easing the burdens. Today I invite all of you to join me in my personal goal. I am challenging myself to respond to each behavior or issue FIRST with celebration that I still have time to love them and talk to them . To be consciously grateful that they still have time to grow and to love. Chances are we will have plenty of opportunity for discipline. But there are no guarantees. So, First let us celebrate time.