Upbeats and Downbeats

School Days: Get out of School Free Passes

2012-01-30T08:00:00.017-05:00

Tomorrow I will continue a family tradition that many consider strange... especially for a teacher. Tomorrow one of my kiddos will stay home from school just because he has chosen not to go. There will be no consequences from me. Huh? ...Each school year I give each of my kiddos a "Get out of School Free" pass. It isn't exactly permission to play hookey since that is defined as absence from school "without permission." This is absence from school without the school's permission but with my permission.Now don't panic and think I have lost my mind. Read on and then think about it.

I couldn't give this to my own children until they were old enough to stay home alone safely because I was working full time as a teacher. I could give it to my current kiddos at an earlier age since I am no longer teaching. They each get to pick one day a year when they may choose to stay home without penalty from me. It cannot be on a day they have a test, nor the first day of school. They can only use this pass one time per year.

I find this token is rarely used. I remind them of it whenever they try to play sick and clearly are not. It seems to eliminate some of the usual hassles/whines about "I don't want to go to school today." It avoids most of the rants and rages and fights by putting a bit of choice/power in their hands. I simply ask if they are using their Skip Pass that day and remind them that they only have one. Usually the child decides s/he might need it more later and goes ahead to school. If they choose to use it, fine. Sometimes they choose to use it on their birthday, as my kiddo is tomorrow. I call the school to let them know that s/he will not be in school that day. They may spend the day as they choose as long as it is acceptable behavior that doesn't break family rules and doesn't interfere with my duties for the day.

My kids like the idea, teachers live with it [once I explain it is only one day], and I find it acknowledges the wishful thinking we all have about working, helps the children be honest, to make conscious choices and it helps promotes good decision making. Besides... it is one of the rare things I do that they think is cool. :-)

Image credits: ventingstation.com, westsoundacademy.org

Caring Heart: Lost in the Loss

2012-01-29T07:00:00.029-05:00

Some children seem stuck, unable to move forward or even see the door to a new and better future. This is for those parenting such children..

Lost in the Loss

He is so sad. He is so lost. He cannot look past all the pain in his young life. He views himself as an accumulation of things that have gone wrong. He sees a childhood mountain of lost joys. I can only try to imagine how that must feel. He certainly has had pain and had far too many losses. Emotional bruises that I can never truly understand and that last far longer than the broken bones or physical bruises. But if he is ever to heal, he must learn to see or find or create a dividing line in his life. He has to choose. If he stays locked in the belief that he is and always will be a victim, he will limit his future happiness. He needs to recognize a time when things began to change, when his life has begun to improve. When good things have happened to him. But he doesn't . I don't know if it is a choice or not. Bur he doesn't, or can't, admit that things are better. He can't even acknowledge that they might be better one day. Uncloud his eyes. Tear down the bricks around his heart. Loosen the shutters in his mind. Let him see hope. And one day... let him see joy!

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Anything Can Happen: Edible Fun

2012-01-27T07:00:00.045-05:00

This is one for younger folks.... but ONLY if no one in the family or who will be playing has a nut allergy!!

Get your critters together... clear a clean spot on the table, lay out a large bowl [or two], wash hands well, put on aprons, and get ready for some creative fun where kids can be sticky, then playful, and can eat any mistakes! You only need three ingedients to get started.

Edible Play Dough

Mix together:
2 cups powdered milk
2 cups peanut butter

Blend in 3 Tablespoons of honey

Options:
Add more powdered milk a bit at a time if the dough is too sticky to use at first.

Add edible extras for texture, taste, fun or to decorate what you create with the basic dough!

Gather some cookie cutters, presses, decorating stencils or whatever you would like to use for decorating and shaping. We found that even egg molds will work!

You can decorate your creations with anything edible. [Ideas: nuts, raisins, and chocolate chips mix in well. Stick pretzels, MandMs, gum drops, string licorice, and even sprinkles can be added to make roads, trees, etc. in your play dough world.]

My granddaughters tend to make fake cookies, cakes, flowers, etc.
My grandsons are more likely to make cars, roads, and villages.
What will your kiddos think of?

Think of it this way.... at least when your little one makes you play cookies of edible dough... you can eat them rather than fake-eating clay or play-doh creations.

Have fun.... after all it's Anything Can Happen Day!

Parenting Tips: Get the Kids Talking

2012-01-26T07:00:00.086-05:00

Do you ever feel like extracting teeth would be easier than getting your kids to talk other than arguin? Do your dinner times conversations feel like they alternate between mini-interrogations and that your children withhold information with a skill spies would envy?

Shake it up a bit. Pick up any of the dozen or so versions of:

KidChat : Questions to Fuel Young Minds and Mouths
by Bret Nicholaus and Paul Lowrie
Pub: Questmarc Publishing
ISBN 0-9634251-6-1

I have used the 2001 edition [shown here] for years both at home and at school for writing prompts for my middle school students. There are holiday versions, KidChat Extreme. etc. etc. Each book has new and different questions to start a conversational ball rolling. Some are silly, some thought-provoking, some teaching opportunities, and more, but all are safe and entertaining for kids roughly 7-13 [though I have used it for older also].

Great for imagination, discussion, and just plain conversation, I have found the book a life saver on long car rides, and even when a sleepover starts to lag a bit or needs a bit of calming down. Try some--

A Few Examples:

1. If snow could fall in any flavor, what flavor would you choose?

2. If you could be famous for anything at all, what would you want to be famous for?

3. If you could get out of school for a week but instead had to spend those five days helping an adult at their job, whose job would you want to help out with for that week?

4. If you were a king or queen, what is the first rule you would set for the people of your kingdom?

5. If you could ask the president of the United States [or your state governor] one question, knowing that you would get an honest answer, what question would you ask?

6. If you could be shrunk down to one inch tall for just one day, what do you think would be the most exciting place to explore?

Soapbox: How to Say "No"

2012-01-25T07:00:00.078-05:00

Have you ever had that same struggle with the word "No" in response to being asked to do something? Now I can say "No" to my children firmly and definitively without batting an eye. It's part of parenting 101. But when a church member or colleague, or even friend asks me to do something... it is a whole new ball game. No matter how busy my schedule, how exhausted, or how firmly I have resolved NOT to take on anything new... the word "No" just doesn't seem to come out. I admit it. I am "No"-impaired!

Last Wednesday I said that I felt rewarded if I came away from an advice book with at least two concrete new strategies to try. The book I was talking about last week [The Now Habit by Neil Fiore] gave me a second strategy... this one about how to say "No." for those of us who are "no-impaired."

At first I thought his advice was foolish, a simple gimmick, a sneaky twist, or something else ineffective. Like the slogan "just say no" I thought... it's not that easy! ...But then I tried it. To my shock it worked, and worked beautifully. I actually did NOT agree to do the task. Not only that, but the person who asked left feeling good about it, and so did I.

His trick? Start by saying "Yes." Not "Yes" and I will. But continue after the "Yes" in a way that affirms the value of the request and end by saying that you cannot. Huh?

Examples:

Sally: Can you come over to the house this Friday and have supper?
You: Yes, that sounds like it would be fun, but I'm afraid that I can't. Thank you for asking. Maybe another time.

Sam: Can we put you on the committee for the eighth grade graduation?
You: Yes, I can see that you need people for that committee, but that's not really something for me. Good luck !

Advantages: You acknowledge the need, or the invitation, or the value, but you still say that you cannot or will not say yes. It doesn't close the door, it merely says no. It gives you a moment to fight the knee jerk reaction of a quick "Yes" [that is inevitably followed by hours of regret and self-flagellation for being such a wimp]. For those of us who are "No"-impaired it can be a first step to learning that "No" can indeed be a complete sentence.

Image credits: practicinglawsucks.com, crocuses.blogspot.com, femita.com

Focus on Fostering: "You chose this"

2012-01-24T07:00:00.106-05:00

Last Wednesday on "Soapbox" I told about a different perspective on life situations. Not labeling things as simply Have to do [the things we dread, avoid, and hate doing] vs Want to do [the things we love, choose, and do happily. Adding a category of Choose to do [though not wanted]. This made me think of foster parenting and I promised I would explain that today even though it isn't soapbox day. I suspect my experience is not terribly different than many of you foster parenting challenging children.

I sometimes feel like those around me think I have no right to complain or sigh or moan. Too often I hear the comment that I didn't Have to do this. They assume that choosing to do something means we Want to do it. Particularly for those doing kinship care nothing could be farther from the truth. We never wanted to be in this position. Our nightly dream is a world where all children are raised by loving, caring, adequate parents. But they aren't. We don't have that world yet.

But all children deserve to be raised in a loving, safe, nurturing environment and so, with heavy hearts and many prayers we step up. We choose that which we don't want because it needs to be done.

So the next time someone says to you with that annoying attitude... "Well... you didn't have to do this... you chose to do this" remember and maybe even explain:
1. We never wanted to know that there were children in the world who have endured and survived what some of our children have endured and survived. 2. Not wanting to deal with all that fostering brings does NOT mean we don't love the children, and even enjoy them.
3. We don't do it because of the money, or the fun, or even the joy. When the joy and the fun come they are welcome bonuses, rewards for the effort and the pain.

We do it [or at least I do it] because it needs to be done. Because every child deserves to be loved, to be safe, and to know joy. Be sad that not all children can/do get this from their own parents. Be proud that this is something you choose, that you choose to give children that love, that safety and to teach them to see and feel joy. We DARE to choose to foster parent and kinship care.

Image credits: blogs.hds.com, liz-green.com

School Bell: Learning Alphabet Letters

2012-01-23T07:00:00.012-05:00

For those of you with little ones who are starting to learn their letters... here are two really easy ways to help both entertain your child and help him/her learn.

1. Find the letter
    For a really inexpensive way to give your child lots and lots of practice recognizing letters grab any of the inexpensive word search collections. Instead of using the pages as word searches, use them as letter searches. Hand the child a page, two crayons, and challenge them to circle all the As in red and all the Ps in blue for example. [Hint: Pick one with relatively large letters to make it easier.]

When I had little kids around, I would keep a couple of word search pages in my purse in case I needed to keep them occupied for a few minutes [in a waiting room, while I finished a phone call, etc.]

2. Alphabet Around the House
    Using sticky notes or index cards, label things around the house with the first letter of its name. C/chair, T/table, M/mirror, B/bed and so on. You can focus on one letter at a time or do multiple letters depending on your child. Have the child help you to multiply the fun, the connections, and the learning.

Image credit: sunniebunniezz.com

Caring Heart: Compromises and Priorities

2012-01-22T07:00:00.002-05:00

Some fo

Compromises and Priorities

Oh God, I hope I am making the right choices. It is so very hard to know. Other people are so willing to judge my choices. They think I am letting her "get away with" things, that I am "giving in." They don't understand the difficult priorities I have to juggle. Haircuts given without permission during bio-family visits, outrageous clothes they give her that I would never let her wear, yet sometimes must because they are that precious gift. Or times that I decide the issue is mild, temporary, or lower risk and I allow it because my focus is on higher priority safety issues. Guide me through this minefield of decisions. With my other children it has been easier to maintain the key priorities without making major compromises. They were steeped in my standards from the day they were born. But with this child I have to choose what to give up on or step back even important things. Consider high school. My children always planned to finish high school. It never occurred to them not to finish. I never had to consider compromises to keep them in school. But with this child graduation is definitely a huge question mark. She does not the the risks of dropping out, in fact her eyes see mostly advantages. And since she will be eighteen long before graduation and she is not legally mine, I can't force her. I may have to make some really tough choices if my priority is to keep her in school until graduation. Give me the wisdom to protect her in the times and in the ways she lacks wisdom. Guide me and support me in the right choices.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: Yes Day PS

2012-01-21T07:00:00.010-05:00

Yes Day . . . .
Important P.S.
So, I heard from a couple about the Yes Day idea and realized that I had omitted one key element in describing my family celebration of Yes Day. When I have done Yes Day, I pose it as a day without "No"s. That means not just from me, but from them. The challenge is to get through the whole span of time without anyone saying the word "No."

It's kind of like a team contest, with everybody pulling together to keep the word "No" away. For example, that means that the kids "can't" say "No" to a parent request either! [See how it can be a good thing?] You may find that kids will be helping you by discouraging a sibling from making a request that would require a "No" for safety reasons or other significant issue.

Not a single person [which is how to not ruin the day by saying "n_ one"] wants the Yes Day to end before the day is over. It also helps children find more creative ways to word things than a flat "No". "Would you like to do my chores next week dear brother?" one child might bait a sibling. "I would love to, but I am afraid that is impossible right now." might be the careful response. The game gets fun and while I wouldn't want it everyday.... for one Yes Day, it can be a lot of fun for everyone.

Image credit: mildlyrelevantthoughts.com, mysalestactics.com

Anything Can Happen: Yes Day?

2012-01-20T07:00:00.003-05:00

A while back I got a book for my kids named Yes Day! [by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, pub:HarperCollins ]. It tells the whimsical story of a child who suddenly and unexpectedly is granted a day of Yes-es. Imagine for a moment what we as adults would ask to do on a day when the answer to any question or request was automatically "Yes!" .....

Ok, stop imagining.... you are having way to much fun with the idea. This book is about kids having that opportunity. Now, I know that there are certain safety rules that must be followed. But, if you stop and think about it, and especially if you plan ahead, it is amazing how many of our "No"s can in fact be transformed into "Yes" es for a single day. Thinks about creating a "Yes Day" for your child or children.

The first time I tried it, I didn't even tell the children what was happening. I wanted to see how long it would be before they noticed that everything was getting a "Yes." It was great fun watching them be delightfully surprised, then when they started realizing what was happening, curiously testing their theory, then their unadulterated joy and exhuberance for the remainder of the day. [To be fair, the first time I tried I chose to start on a Friday afternoon to limit the time frame.] Thereafter it has remained a rare delight, about once a year, never proclaimed in advance, but sprung on them on a day when the weather, the moods, and everything seems to give it the best shot at success. Try it! Let me know how it goes... Anything can happen!

Parenting Tips: Kid's Books on Decision Making

2012-01-19T07:00:00.004-05:00

Do you remembering any of the "Choose Your Adventure" type books? At various points in the story you have a choice to make. Depending on what you choose, you go to a different page in the book, over and over making each reading somewhat different.

There is a great series that uses this same approach but deals with moral decisions, peer pressure, etc. At my last check there were 5 books in the series [$6-10 each], plus a leader's guide [$15] available for the whole series.

Each book is around 60 pages total, but depending on your choices, the actual story length varies. Great for readers 7-12 or a bit older if they struggle with reading.There are several different authors who contribute to the series and the topics are all situations that children face all the time. The same publisher also makes a similar [reader choices] series for ages 4-10 called Kids Can Choose, but I haven't seen any of those myself so can't actually recommend them yet.

The Decision Is Yours series:

Finders, Keepers : What should you do with the wallet and money you and a friend find.

Making the Grade : More time on soccer than homework and a bad report card make a tricky mix.

First Day Blues : How do you make friends on your first day in a new school?

Bully on the Bus: What do you do if an older kid in school threatens to beat you up?

Under Whose Influence? : To drink with friends or not?

Soapbox: Procrastination and Choices

2012-01-18T07:00:00.084-05:00

I recently have been reading a book about procrastination*. So far I do not think it is a great book, but my personal measure of a helpful book is whether I finish the book with two-four specific takeaways that I think will be helpful to me. So far I find the book a bit labored, and with fewer concise, practical tips or strategies than I had hoped, but I am glad I am reading it, because I have already found two good takeaways.

Today I want to share a particular viewpoint of the author that struck me as very valuable. Having occasionally struggled with procrastination myself, and having raised children who seemed to use procrastination as their default setting, I was intrigued to try this way of looking at things.

The author said that most people label things/tasks as either:
     1. Things we want to do. [positive, things we enjoy]
     2. Things we have to do. [negative, tasks forced on us, things we dread]
Those two categories and only those two. The author suggested that since we feel powerless to refuse the things we are required to do, we often procrastinate doing them as our only way of exerting power over the task.

The author proposed including a third category... Things we choose to do.

Things we choose to do may be things that might carry a cost [emotional, time, or money] that made them something we didn't want, but might still be worth doing because of the reward.

Since reading this I have found the concept helpful to reframe my thinking and have a better attitude. Try it and see what you think, then share your reactions.

[On Focus on Fostering next Tuesday I will tell how this helps in fosterparenting and next week I will share the other takeaway I have gotten his book.]

*The Now Habit   by Neil Fiore, PhD

Focus on Fostering: What's in a Name?

2012-01-17T07:00:00.040-05:00

One of the things that makes foster children feel like odd man out is that their last name is usually different from everyone else in the family. The longer they are with the family the harder it is. I have often had long term foster children who have desperately wanted to have the same name as mine or the other children in my family. The desire to "match" is strong. Sometimes I have even had foster siblings who had different last names from each other making an even wider array of last names in the house. They still missed that sense of matching that says we belong.

If this problem has ever come up for you, did you know that they can often use your last name for most ordinary purposes? For example: They can use the family last name [let's say "Sally Smith"] on the school homework papers, permission slips, church, synagogue, scouts, etc. The only thing they must understand is that all legal papers must be in their legal name[let's say "Sally Jones"]. This means report cards, evaluations, therapy and medical reports, etc. will have their legal name. Sometimes if you talk to the school and your school is cooperative they will put both names [ex: "Sally [Smith] Jones"] If you plan to do this, let teachers know so they aren't caught unaware, and so they can adjust their alphabetical lists accordingly.

Often this can even be done with the blessings of your human services caseworker, particularly if your child is in counseling and the therapist agrees that it would be therapeutically beneficial for the child. They often don't crave the legal change as much as the chance to blend in socially.

Image credit: teamlobsterbisque.com

School Bell: Check In Time

2012-01-16T07:00:00.015-05:00

This is mid-terms week for many semester-based school systems, roughly half way through the school year. The students and teachers have settled in, gotten used to each other, and have hopefully learned the patterns and expectations of the current grade level. Now the real meat of the school year is on the table, the next few months are the key months for new knowledge. Review and getting back up to speed is past, now is the time to really pack in the learning before vacation fever starts showing up. So consider some of the questions below as possible assessments for your student or his/her teacher as you head into the core teaching time of the year.

1. Is your child willing and comfortable talking to the teacher to ask questions, asking for help or clarification?
2. Does your child able and willing to participate in group activities/projects?
3. Does the amount of time your child spends on homework match the teacher's expectations?
4. Is the amount of time your child spends on homework similar to the time spent by classmates?
5. Can your child name two classmates s/he could and would call with a question about class work?
6. Is your child willing and able both to do homework independently and to ask for help on homework?
7. Does your child remember to bring homework materials home and remember to hand completed work in at school?
8. Is there an adult at the school that your child has connected to, comfortable with, and that the child perceives as fair?
9. Does the child talk about some of his/her classmates as friends?
10. Does your child share both good things and bad things that happen at school?

These are not the only ten questions, or even necessarily the best ten. Some you can answer yourself, some you may need to ask the child, or his/her teacher. But the answers to these ten questions will give you a pretty good sense of red flags or green flags to watch as you start the second half of this school year.

Image credits: musictherapymaven.com

Caring Heart: Martin Luther King, Jr.

2012-01-15T07:00:00.021-05:00

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Martin Luther King, JR

Lord, these children need to learn from Martin Luther King, Jr. There are so many of his lessons that speak to the challenges faced by children of trauma and neglect. He dealt with the label of race. They live the labels of their past... foster child, abuse victim, child of violence. They need to learn to measure themselves by the "content of their character" not their past or their parents or their beginnings. Help them work to build the content of their character and to value their character. Martin Luther King, Jr taught non-violence. They have so much anger, and with reason. But they need to learn to deal with their angers without violence. Violence is a fast route to more serious problems, and oh Lord, they don't need more problems. So let them learn from Martin Luther King, Jr. Help me teach them these lessons. Guide their ears and minds to hear and absorb, and to believe.

Read "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: Creative Rewards # 61-65

2012-01-14T07:00:00.037-05:00

Today's quick take is five more creative rewards for your kids. This is generally a once a month feature that offers alternatives to stickers, food, or purchases for treats and rewards. Examples are for a mix of ages and genders and locations. Adjust for your own kids and your own region. [Creative Rewards #1-60 can be found if you search "Rewards."]

61. If you live where it is possible, build a snow sculpture

62. Get a “Skip a Chore” card

63. Choose a weekend family activity

64. Make s'mores or toast marshmallows over a stove burner.

65. Go to a movie theater

Image credits: mbd2.com, wn.com

Anything Can Happen: Remember Hand Shadows?

2012-01-13T07:00:00.039-05:00

Did you ever make hand shadows on the wall? I did. Winter's early evenings are a great opportunity to teach your children this old time fun. Who knows? You might even rediscover it yourself in the process!

Flying birds are the easiest, but there is a whole world of figures to explore: dogs [see the how-to diagram at right], boys, elephants, rabbits, and many many more.

Click here for a blog with pictures like the one above that will teach you how to help your kids make 5 different hand shadow shapes.

Click here for Henry Bursill's Hand Shadows To Be Thrown Upon The Wall. Here you can choose from a variety of formats, even slideshow! The free text & illustration version is also available from the Guttenberg project and can be downloaded if you click here.

Google on YouTube for "hand shadows" and you will find a video of Louis Armstrong and friends singing "It's a Wonderful World" with a super sweet baby hand sequence, even a German car commercial based on multiple hands shadows. And last, but far from least, even if you don't speak the language you can be amazed by the hand shadows in this clip from India's Got Talent tv show.

Go forth and shadow....

Image credits: earlychildcare.wordpress.com

Parenting Tips: Today show --Lying to our Children!

2012-01-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, I try not to get personal on my blog, and I know yesterday was soapbox day, but I feel compelled to beg parents everywhere to buck what Parenting magazine is calling the norm.... lying to our children. I was truly upset yesterday to see this prominent magazine that many new parent look to for advice advocating the "necessity" of lying to our children for convenience! [You can check out yesterday's NBC Today show interview on the topic with Ann Curry online.]

I'm not talking about allowing young children the fantasy of a Santa Claus or a Tooth Fairy when they are the age that needs magical thinking. They were talking about lying when it is [in her words] "more expedient." The example she used was trying to get a toddler to leave the playground if you need to get to an appointment. She said that in our "frenetic" over-scheduled lives it is simpler to tell the toddler the park is closing than to tell the truth. If our lives are too busy to be honest with our children, we need to take another look at our priorities.

I admit, this is a hot button topic for me because raising honest children is the topic of the book I am currently finishing with my writing partner, A. Patricia Miller. But parents CAN be honest with their children if they choose to and if they prepare. Parents CAN teach their children how to be honest and still save face. "White" lies are still lies, regardless of fingers crossed, trying to be "kind," or any other excuse. If we want to raise honest children we must surround them with the environment of an honest home, teach them the skills of honesty, and give them the belief that you can be honest, even in an often dishonest world.

I would like to think that a backlash is in order. I do not want to think that the "experts" and the "majority" condone lying. I suspect that the TODAY show's usual parenting expert [Michele Borba] would have a fit over this! Please check out the interview and respond, to me, to parenting.com, or even to the Today show.

P.S. Sorry the post is late.... finally a snow storm [lst of the winter!] and had to shovel before I could get to my blog. Welcome winter :-)

Image credit: aardvarkian.com, businessinsider.com

Soapbox: Power

2012-01-11T07:00:00.053-05:00

Feeling powerless is easy.
Recognizing the power we have is more difficult.
Focusing on using the power we have effectively is even more challenging.

Many times each day I choose what to do. Even when I can't choose what to do I may choose how to do it. Will I do it joyfully, or begrudgingly? Will I do it to the best of my ability, or just well enough to get it done? Will I do it promptly or only after postponing it to the point of desperation? Will I do it with pride or with resentment? You get the idea.

We do have power. Like Superman and other superheroes... will we use it for good?

Image credit: howtosolve.blogspot

Focus on Fostering: Anxiety Books for kids

2012-01-10T07:00:00.042-05:00

Here are two books that help young kids understand and deal with fearfulness.

Don't Be Scared, Little Cub
by Jillian Marker and John Bendall-Brunello
pub: Paragon Publishing

Cute little story about a lion cub and his father on a nighttime walk. Frightened by the noises and shadows in the night darkness, Little Cub is reassured by the presence of his father. The story ends with the tables being turned and Little Cub being brave.

There's A Nightmare in my Closet

written and illustrated by Mercer Mayer
Dial Books [Pied Piper series]

Fun story of a child who defeats the nightmares in his closet only to end up comforting them when he discovers they are more afraid of him.

Also available on YouTube in several versions, including a fun animated version narrated by Billy Crystal.

School Bell: History Help

2012-01-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

Kids often complain that history classes and history itself are dull, boring, and too hard. Flashcards, outlines and charts may help them organize, cluster, and memorize information. But, if you own a television, a DVD player and a library membership you have another opportunity to get your kids involved.

Children who have grown up in the television era [not to mention computer age] will find it far easier to focus on a television screen than a textbook. Your job is to find sources that have accurate information. These DVDs [or older videos] also help kids who are visual learners and can retain information they have watched better than information they have to read. Some of you may be old enough to remember the days of filmstrips in school. Even filmstrips were more fun to watch than reading the history book assigned chapter paragraph by paragraph each child around the class!

Look through your child's textbook to see what topics and people will be covered during the year. Then search for programs about those.

Go online and search for National Geographic, Biography, and History Channel specials. National Geographic has an array of interesting programs on state parks, regions of the country, and other geography based topics. The History Channel is your source for info on wars, historical eras, etc. The Biography Channel will help bring historical figures alive with details and more.

Once you have found a program, check out your school library or your town library to see what they have available for sign out. If there is a specific one you want, ask the librarian if it is available through inter-library loan. Plan a 'Desserts and DVDs' or 'Brownies and Biographies' night at the start of each unit. Your child will have an introduction to the topic that will be a baseline to hook with the information they cover in class. This will not only build interest, but help them retain what they hear in class. Try it!

PS. These DVD programs also provide great idea starters for history projects. [Ex: The History Channels program on the Navajo Code Talkers really fired up one of my kiddos to get excited about his project!]

Image credits: japanprobe.com, mtrushmorenationalmemorial.com,kaboodle.com, vetsed.org

Caring Heart: Appointment Overload

2012-01-08T08:00:00.003-05:00

This was written for all parents who are raising children with special needs: physical, intellectual, or emotional.

Too Many Appointments

I am sick of so many appointments! Give me patience, Lord and endurance for this long haul. It seems that each day is a new round of trips to counselors, dentists, psychiatrists, evaluations, family visits, court dates, social worker meetings, family team meetings, school meetings. It just goes on and on and on and on! Some days I can barely remember who it is that we are seeing and why. Sometimes I am filled with guilt about that other appointment that I still haven't scheduled. I get so tired of it all. I am tired of trying to give a sixty-second recap to introduce the situation without humiliating the child sitting and listening. When I feel so tired of it all, please stop me, Lord. Remind me to imagine what it must be like for this young child who must be equally sick of these endless appointments. Help me imagine what it is like to be the subject of all this investigation and evaluation and treatment and questions. How fearful that may be. What must that do to self-image, confidence, and hope? Take away my frustration and impatience and replace it with empathy and with support. Amen.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork from the book's cover by Anna Parker David

Quick Takes: Easy Kid's Chicken/Pork Recipe

2012-01-07T10:14:00.001-05:00

Okay, I'm both late posting and no pictures to offer. My phone/camera for some reason is refusing to send pictures and after fighting with it for most of the morning I am giving up and posting without them! Sorry bout that folks. Trust me... this recipe looks delicious when made. [My grandson made it last night for the demo pictures that I can't seem to transfer!]

I think one of the best tools for independent living is the skill of making easy, nutritious meals independently. Here is a great, kid-friendly recipe for chicken or pork.

Easy Ranch Chicken or Pork

chicken or pork [I use boneless breasts or pork chops] enough to serve the family
1-2 envelopes of dry ranch dressing mix [depending on meat quantity and size pieces]

1. Cut the chicken or pork into manageable sizes. [Pork chops do not require cutting, but chicken cooks faster if cut into chunks or strips.
2. Roll the meat in the dry dressing mix till coated at least lightly. [If easier put the mix in a plastic bag and shake the meat around until covered.]
3. Cook meat in non-stick pan or electric griddle, stirring as needed to be sure meat is thoroughly cooked. [If pan is not non-stick you might need to add a bit of oil, but we use no oil with our non-stick griddle, just the liquid the cooking meat makes. ]

That's it. That's all there is to it! Serve with rice or noodles or potatoes and vegetables and/or salad.
It is delicious, easy even for kids, fast, AND healthy to boot!

P.S. If I get the dang camera working I will add the pictures later!

Anything Can Happen: Crazy Great "Swim"

2012-01-06T07:00:00.045-05:00

Next time your kids whine that "There's nothing to dooooo," share this. All over the coast of Maine this is the season for crazy. Crazy but great. All kinds of wonderful, worthy organizations raise hundreds and thousands of dollars counting on crazy to win over common sense. All ages are welcomed to share in a "Polar Bear Dip" .... racing in the middle of winter into freezing cold Maine water clad in bathing suits and accompanied by wild shrieks and screams as water touches skin. More sensible people offer money pledges to encourage this madness and to raise money for cause X or Y.

Next time you go for a dip at your local indoor swimming pool [or those of you who live in southern climes, when you go into the ocean] and complain that the water is too cold at 65 degrees.... think of the crazy, zany, dedicated ones who dove and splashed into the waters of Portland's Casco Bay this January... into water that is around 34 degrees!! Try that Michael Phelps!

Parenting Tips: New Years Resolutions

2012-01-05T10:00:00.004-05:00

In January it seems everyone is focused on New Year resolutions. The good part of this is that people are trying to improve themselves which gives us a chance to talk to our kids about improving pieces of their lives or their habits. We also have the chance to model it for them with our own resolutions to improve. The not so good part is that people can easily fall off the resolution wagon and give up.

We must teach them how to succeed at changing, not just model how to try and then give up! I am no expert on resolutions or resolution-keeping, but I have found some tricks that have helped me be better at both. Try these five steps with your kids.

1. Focus on the change. The most important thing is that you/they are trying to do better, to change. Talk about the many opportunities we have for new beginnings. A new year. A birthday year older. A new school year. A new job. A new month. A new week. Even a new day is a fresh beginning. Use all of them if need be.

2. Keep resolutions focused on the process not the result. For example: #2 above is better than #1. The resolution should be the action that will lead to the goal. This makes success possible in smaller chunks. If your goal is to be healthier or in better shape [weight, strength, or otherwise] than a list of actions that will help you is a better, more achievable goal than "losing weigh" for example. Just like with eating, the smaller the child, the tougher the food, the smaller the bite!

3. Think of the changes as specific steps in a plan. Look at one week at a time. A year is far too long a chunk for kids. For younger kids, keep resolutions to day activities. "I will tell mom two things about school each day." or "I will set my alarm clock every night." Not "I will talk to mom more" or "I will get up better." Remember... small bites.

4. Build in flexibility. Remember that the goal is improvement, not perfection. Build in margins. Do not expect complete or instant change. Use those small bites to build your skills and your successes.

How does this work?
Example: I need to relax a bit more to reduce my stress. Since most of the stresses in my life are outside my control my plan for reducing stress is to build small chunks of down time into my days. My resolution? "Build in time to relax and unwind." My whiteboard's daily checklist now includes two 15-minute chunks for crafting, two for reading, two for "wasting time" [being still]. My goal is to do at least two of those 15-minute chunks per day. One day they both might be reading, another day they might be crafting, or 15 min crafting and 15 min just chilling. This makes my chances of building in relaxation far more likely to succeed. Since I have never been good at this I consider succeeding even once a week progress. When I have managed it once a week, I will try for twice a week, then three times, then four times, etc. using a new week/month as the new beginning for an uptick. See how it works? If I had a resolution to do 30 minutes a day of crafting, reading, or down time and expected to achieve that every day starting Jan 1st I would probably fail before the end of the first week. But by using the system above, I feel successful all along, and can at least be confident that I AM building in time to relax and unwind.

Good luck!

P.S. Sorry I'm late posting today. Image credit: motivates4life.com

Soapbox: Happy Holidays?

2012-01-04T07:00:00.027-05:00

Christmas is over. Hanukkah is done. Kwanza is past. Even New Year's Eve and Day are behind us. The next holiday [Martin Luther King Day] has not yet been burdened with gifts or house decorations. [Yet, being the operative word!]

So, until Valentines Day in February we are entering a holiday-responsibility-free zone. This is a good time to take stock of what worked these holidays and what didn't.

Think about it yourself. Talk to your spouse and your kids and get their reactions too. Write down what was most important, or most successful, or most fun, [or even easiest!].

Pack your lists up with your holiday decorations to help you plan more effectively for next year. OR if you are digitally inclined... make a file and an automatic reminder for next year. Plan now for a happier holidays 2012.

Image credit: socialmoms.net, my.opera.com

Focus on Fostering: Blessings Cake

2012-01-03T07:00:00.053-05:00

As all experienced foster parents know, kids in care often see their lives as bleak, as filled with negatives. Part of our job is to help them recognize what is good in their lives. One strategy I have used is a "Blessings Cake."

I make their favorite kind of cake and frost it with their favorite flavor icing. Then I buy whatever their favorite colorful candies are.... M&Ms, Skittles, Mike and Ikes, jelly beans, or gumdrops all work fine.

This year I did it as part of our beginning a new year celebration, though not on New Year's Eve.

Each child received a small dish of one color candies, and there was a bowl of mixed colors as back up.

The kids helped me make the numbers of 2012 in one color candy in the center of the cake.

The set up was simple.... We went around the table and took turns naming people that were a blessing in our lives.

Whoever thought of the person put a candy somewhere on the cake to honor them. IF the same person had been a blessing to more than one, the others could also add a candy as well. We could also name events or situations [getting braces off, having a warm house, etc.] that were blessings.

I found that by using the candy/cake combo the kids were far more invested in thinking up blessings than if we had just been sitting around as a family having a discussion! [The only start of disagreement was whether to make a design with the candies or just toss them randomly on the cake.]

When we ran out of blessings or candies we shared the cake happily aware of the multitude of blessings which each of us had.

My favorite response?
"Hey Nana, next year we might need TWO bags of Skittles!"

Back to School-Back to Blog

2012-01-02T07:00:00.069-05:00

So, vacation ends at my house tomorrow.
School begins again.
Back to the routine of mornings, laundry, chores and challenges.
And so, too, does the familiar routine I have set for this blog.

     Sundays....Caring Heart meditations
   Mondays... School Bell [hints and helps for the challenges of school, homework, and learning]
   Tuesdays....Focus on Fostering [ideas for the special needs of children living in care]
     Wednesdays.... Soapbox [ramblings, musings, and opinions of mine and others]
     Thursdays... Parenting Tips [ideas for helping all parents with typical situations]
     Friday... Anything Can Happen [as it says... humor, the unusual, random, whatevers]
     Saturday... Quick Takes [quotes, recipes, reward ideas, book recommendations, etc.]

Happy New Year!

If you are new to Upbeats and Downbeats... browse around. Invite a friend.

If you have a topic or question or situation you would like to see a hint for... let me know!

If you preferred the style of Decembers single topic idea let me know. Otherwise I will continue the 7 day rotation of the last year or so.

Well. I've limbered up my fingers.

I'm ready to go.

Let's get to the tasks of another year...
but together!

Image credits: manuelbarbado1.blogspot.com, wunderground.com, scrapbooklady.typepad.com

Caring Heart: Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T07:00:00.034-05:00

Happy New Year!

Oh God, today it is the first day of the year. I remember the old posters proclaiming, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." How do I help these children accept that idea? How do I help them learn to look forward, to anticipate positive possibilities? They seem so very stuck, always looking back at all that has gone wrong. They seem unable to believe that their lives can change, that good things can and will happen. How do I lead them to see that part of making that change is to change their view of life, of possibilities, of people? To learn HOPE? This is the season when so many around the world celebrate the hope that came to earth in the form of a small infant. Last night, people everywhere celebrated the end of one year and the beginning of a NEW year. They made resolutions. They dreamed dreams. They set goals. Help these children find hope. Help them dare to dream. Help me give them trust in the future, in their future, in themselves.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Holidays 101: #28-Predictions for 2012

2011-12-31T08:00:00.000-05:00

So far as I know, none of us owns a fully-functioning crystal with which to look into our future. Even so, the grocery store tabloids are screaming with front-page predictions about almost everyone and nearly everything that could possibly happen in 2012. While I don't encourage children to read the tabloids, it is sometimes fun to use a New Year's Eve to both teach about the untrustworthiness of tabloid journalism [for older kids] and create some family entertainment for this new year AND the next new year's eve. Here is how it works...........

--Explain about predictions if your children are young. If they are older maybe grab a typical tabloid to show the range and sometimes silliness of predictions.

--Ask each member of the family to make some predictions for the New Year 2012 and then sign their name to their list. [Help younger kids by acting as their secretary.]
+++ include possible accomplishments, activities, and some silly things for fun too!

-- Explain that you will save these lists until next New Year's Eve when you will reopen them and see if anyone got some predictions right! [Maybe stick in a $10 bill for the person who has the most predictions correct??]

--Make a family ceremony of sealing the predictions in an envelope and marking it "Do NOT open until December 31, 2011" before placing it in a location for safe-keeping. Mark your calendar [paper or digital] to remind you a few days before next New Year's Eve to dig out the envelope and place it in full view, ready for the grand reveal!

Note: Maybe even save those tabloid predictions to see who does better?

Image credit: e-forwards.com, blog.mediatrust.com

Hollidays 101: #27-Year In Review

2011-12-30T07:00:00.001-05:00

Lots of morning television shows have spent the last week airing compilations of the previous year's highlights. The funniest moments.... the most significant stories... the ups ups and downs... you name it.

For some family New Year's Eve fun... create your family's own Year In Review!

1. Take out some paper as you all sit around the table and have each person write down the most important things that happened during the last year.... If some are too small to write, or don't like to do the writing, then make one master list with you as secretary.
Idea Starters:
--List accomplishments [ex: first steps, first bike, first job, first A, making it to the top of the jungle gym]
--List challenges [ex: broken arm, new school, friend moving away, lost job, new job]
--List favorite activities [ex: bedtime stories, picking apples, going to the beach or pool, a family vacation, a favorite tv show or game]
--List favorite people [ex: friends, idols, favorite singers or actors]

2. Put the lists into a large manila envelope labeled "New Year's Eve 2011." Maybe even include a calendar.

3. Take a photo of all of you holding the envelope [with the year showing!]. Or make it one of just the kids holding a banner with the year 2011 in large colorful numbers.

4. Put the photo in the envelope and keep the envelope in a safe place.

5. Next New Year's Eve after you have made your 2012 Year in Review lists.... open the envelope and see how much the other lists have changed from the ones you made New Year's Eve 2011. Who knows, it might become a family tradition. In any case... save the envelopes you make as mini-time capsules of your family history!

PS: I am posting this BEFORE New Year's Eve to give you time to get the envelope etc, or to break it over two days with the kids to fill the time or improve vacation dispositions!

Holidays 101: #26- Savor the Season

2011-12-29T07:00:00.009-05:00

All too often we rush into the holidays and when they are over, are even faster to erase them. Instead take a few moments to savor the bright spots of the holiday...

1. If you live in the right spot... drink in the beauty of fresh snow before diving into the drudgery of shoveling.

2. Go online and view some of the great holiday flash mobs. [My favorite this year is the one from Carlson School of Management. It starts quietly and simply and builds to a joyful exhuberance that is energizing.]

3. If you are a faith based Christian family [with a sense of humor] check out the contest winners of the annual Nativity Factor's contest to retell the Nativity Story.
lst place [a cleric's beatbox version] 2nd place [a "movie trailor" for The Greatest Story Ever Told] set in modern times. 3rd place was a three way tie: My favorite was the irascible innkeeper's viewpoint and transformation, but you can access the other two [modern wise men's expedition and a King's Cross Nativity] from the other sites easily.

4. Last, but FAR from least is to take a couple of half hour chunks out of your schedule to actually sit and play the gifted game with your child, or reading a chapter from the gifted book to your child, or even just drive them around at night to see the lighted decorations before they all come down. [Try doing this up with a thermos of hot chocolate and pjs under their coats.]

Holidays 101: #25- Before the Holiday Cleanup

2011-12-28T07:00:00.042-05:00

Things to do before you start packing up the holiday decorations and going back to normal life:

1. Take a photo of the traditional decorations.
Is there a wall where you usually hang wreaths of childhood banners?

2. How about a pic of the finished tree?
Whether the tallest ever, the scrawniest ever, it matters not. For best effect put a card with the year in large letters in front of the tree for the picture.

3. Gather the family for a group shot.
Maybe all in pj's? Maybe a shot of just the kids, then just the grownups? Who knows? It might become a collectible if they become famous!
[Again, holding a sign with the year makes dating it later much easier.]

4. Take a pic of each child with their favorite gift/s.

Make a tradition of any of these and you can later assemble a wonderful photo book for each child tracing the history of their holidays!

Image credits: she.suleka.com, shelterpop.com, qheonline.com

Holidays 101: #24- Marshmallow Pops

2011-12-27T07:00:00.006-05:00

For a quick, fun vacation activity with kids try these:
[Maybe you can make them and save them for a pint-sized New Year's Eve home party!]

Marshmallow Pops

You need:
Lollypop sticks [or in a pinch popsicle sticks]
Bag of large [or giant] marshmallows
Milk chocolate to melt [ex: milk chocolate chips]
Piece of styrofoam

"Toppings":
Graham crackers [crushed in a baggie with a rolling pin]
Snowflake sprinkles [or multi-colored sprinkles]
Peppermint candies [break up in a baggie w/wrench or hammer]
Other [get creative.... oreo cookie crumbs, toffee chips, etc.]

Directions:
1. Put each marshmallow on a stick. [Get several ready at a time.]
2. Melt the milk chocolate [with a little oil added for consistency] in microwave.**
3. Dip/roll the marshmallow in the melted chocolate.
4. While still wet, roll the chocolate covered marshmallow in a topping of your choice.
5. Stick the Pops into the styrofoam or clay to cool and "dry"

6. Eat or put in baggies to save for later. [For gifts, bag two or three and tie with ribbon.]

ENJOY ! !

** When melting chocolate in a microwave it helps to add a bit of Crisco. I usually microwave it for about 20 seconds, then stir, then repeat for 15 seconds, then 10 seconds etc. till the chocolate stirs easily.

Holidays 101: #23- After the Gifts

2011-12-26T07:00:00.068-05:00

Teaching kids to express thanks for their gifts is a teaching them a life skill. It's not on any resume, but it surely is noticed in the workplace. I've posted previously about easy ways to do actual thank you notes [Nov, 17, 2011 post] and even recommended a marvelous book about one man's experiment with thank you notes [Nov 26, 2011].

Holiday thank yous are especially easy if you plan a bit.
Here are a couple of options and ideas not covered in the Nov 17th post.

PLAN A:

Write a list of the gifts the children receive from people outside the home. Plan a time the day after Christmas to make a phone call to each person. Have the kids primed and reminded of who gave what. Do only one or two calls then take a break or the kids will lose spirit and you will lose the gratitude effect!

PLAN B:
If you have a cell phone with photo and email capability, take a quick photo of the smiling child with the gift. Help them send a quick thank you text with the photo attached to each giver. Again, do one or two at a time to keep the spirits cheerful.

MOTIVATIONAL IDEAS:

1- Make it a rule that after Christmas Day no child is allowed to play with, wear, or use a gift UNTIL they have completed the thank you for the gift!

2- No television, screen [computer, tablet, or phone] each day until at least two thank yous are done.

3- My favorite [because it is rewards based not punishment based]......Plan a special thank you celebration treat that is earned when all the thank yous are completed. [Maybe consider a family movie, game day, chore-free day, or other unusual treat.]

Last thought:

I still believe that nothing is as special to receive as a hand done thank you note such as those I discussed on Nov 17th, but hopefully the ideas above will make thank yous [written or otherwise] more prompt and less painful. No matter what the language, or what the method.... everyone appreciates a Thank You. ......Good luck!

Image credits: sabahwomen.com, e-dirts.com

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T07:00:00.006-05:00

Holidays 101: #22-Peace

2011-12-24T07:00:00.066-05:00

In the midst of all the chaos and confusion and stress of a holiday season, it is too easy to lose track of what is truly important. For those of you with children old enough ... Take a few minutes today. Make space in your day. Share this quote with them and talk about what it means, why it is so important, and how you can find that calm.

May you always have and give the gift of finding and holding calm in your hearts!

Holidays 101: #21- Last Minute Gift Rescues

2011-12-23T07:00:00.106-05:00

Have you ever been half-way ready for a holiday and then suddenly gotten the flu and lost precious days? I have. If so, you know what it is like to desperately need gifts that do not require you leaving the house to purchase, or the time to battle the last-minute crowds. Here are a few ideas in each category that I hope will help.

Young kids...
--Lego gift cards online.... [Did you know they can even order piece by piece online?]
--gift card to fast food of choice
--pass for an activity [indoor funpark, kids museum, whatever]
--gift card for donut or bagel or breakfast spot

Mid kids...
--membership for a summer funpark
--museum membership [science, art, history, aquarium whatever their interest]
--certificate for lessons [karate, tennis, dance, whatever]
--certificate for the electronics [iTunes card, minutes for phone, for gamestore, whatever

Away from home kids...
--gift cards/certificates for pizza and sub delivery
--postage, envelopes, and address labels
--movie gift certificates [theaters or rentals]
--certificates to laundry services or mending services

Adults...
--trial audio membership [audible.com is my favorite]
--local gym month membership or sport center membership
--movie gift certificates [theaters or rentals]
--certificate for pampering [spa, massage, nails, hair, whatever]

Family...
--calendar with birthdays and anniversaries labeled
--current photos
--gift card for dinner or movie out
--gift card for pool or family activity membership/event

Someone struggling...--grocery store gift card
--gift card for gas
--gift credit to their utility company
--gift card to a drug store/pharmacy/convenience store
--gift card for family activity membership/event

Image credits: sodahead.com, articles.nydailynews.com,

Holidays 101: #20- Make a Schedule!

2011-12-22T07:00:00.015-05:00

To get away from tangible gifts or traditions for a day, I want to share a less expected tradition. Make a schedule. I don't mean a plan for getting all the food cooked and on the table at the right time. I don't mean a schedule for getting ready for the big day or days. I mean a schedule for that you share with the kids so they know what to expect.

Especially in today's world of media hype and greeting card images, people's expectations for a holiday vary greatly. This can create something as simple as a misunderstanding to as challenging as a poorly timed tantrum. Much can be avoided if everyone knows roughly what is going to happen. Even if it isn't what they WANT to happen, most can adjust IF they KNOW AHEAD.

Make a rough plan for the day. Talk about it with your kids... not just once, often. Listen to their reactions and tweak the plan if needed and possible. Talk about it with your spouse, your relatives, with anyone who is involved on that day. Settle differences ahead...before they become disputes.

For example in my house some of the decisions to be made each year include:
What time can the kids get up?
Do they have to wait for the grownups?
Will the kids get their stocking before or after breakfast?
Will they have to get breakfast cleaned up before opening presents?
Do we open gifts one at a time or as they come?
Do all gifts get opened at one spell or scattered through the day?
Will the main meal be at noon? mid-afternoon? evening?
Will we be visiting anyone that day? Will anyone be visiting us that day?
Is anyone staying at the house and if so, who is giving up a room?
When relatives call, do we all stop until the call is over?
What is the plan for cleanup.... of gifts? of dinner?
What time is bedtime...the night before? that night? naptimes?

Once you have made the decisions, you may even want to post the rough schedule [with pictures or icons for any little ones] someplace kids can see it, to remind them and so they can predict what happens when and what is coming next during the big day.

Doing the planning and deciding and discussion ahead is KEY to a smoother, more enjoyable holiday. Making and posting the rough calendar is an added bonus advantage that increases your chances of avoiding meltdowns, frustrations, etc.

No clever pictures today. This is about deciding your own picture of a holiday.
No toy recommendations. This is about a different kind of gift.

Just the hope that this idea may provide the gift of a bit more calm, a bit more joy, a bit more pleasure.
Hoping you all have great and truly

Holidays 101: #19- Rule of Four revised

2011-12-21T07:00:00.048-05:00

Lately there has been a lot of buzz on blogs about the gift-giving "Rule of Four." I have seen it so many places I have NO idea who to credit, and I find it a good start but missing two key pieces. The pattern rhymes and is easy to remember. It is--

Something they want.

Something they need.

Something to wear.

Something to read.
Not bad, is it? There is some overlap possible, and it covers a good balance. BUT it leaves out a few things I consider key to great and balanced gift giving.....

As I have said in my last few posts, I think you also need to have something to do, something that people can do/share together, and something that is handmade or created or done for someone, not just things that are bought. Sooooooo ... here is my revision of the Rule of Four. You can still give just four gifts if you choose, but whatever number of gifts you choose, cover the following ideas.

Something they want

Something they need

Something to wear

Something to read

Something to share

Something to do

Especially nice is a

gift made by you.

Holidays 101: #18-Homemade Gifts

2011-12-20T07:00:00.004-05:00

As an organist I am frequently called to play for funerals. So, I have been to literally hundreds of funerals. I have seen flower bouquets, photo montages, displays of all kinds. I recently played for another Christmas season funeral... always tougher near ANY holiday. For this woman they displayed literally hundreds of homemade ornaments which this woman had given her children, friends, grandchildren etc.

It got me thinking about how often there is a display of things the person made during their life. Whether handcrafts, wood carvings, paintings, or what, people prize the gifts that have been made by the hands of someone they love.

NEVER have I seen a display of cherished things the person bought for them.

So, it may be too late for this holiday season, but it certainly isn't too late to start shifting our mindset. Let's go back to the days of homemade gifts, of gifts crafted by our own loving hands for those we love. There is something very special, very magical, about holding something in your hand that was held in and created by their hands.

Let's teach our children not only by GIVING them handmade gifts, but by helping THEM give handmade gifts. Maybe you sew a pillowcase, or knit a hat, or build a play table, or paint a mirror, or create a game, or turn a can into a pencil holder. It doesn't really matter WHAT it is. What matters is WHO made it, and the love they show.

PS: Less tangible homemade gifts are those of service rather than objects. Gifts of DOing something for someone cost only time. [One of the most loved gifts I have seen was when one brother promised to do the other brother's chores for two weeks!]

Image credits: saidosdaconcha.blogspot.com, thesimpledollar.com, handmadecharlotte.com, craftjuice.com

Holidays 101: #17-Give Something to DO

2011-12-19T07:00:00.097-05:00

Has this ever happened to you?...
Everyone has opened their gifts, wrapping paper is strewn everywhere. You are about ready to start dinner as everyone seems happy and content. You go into the kitchen and suddenly one of your children appears at your side with two words that you thought surely that day you wouldn't hear...
"I'm bored." or it's companion.... "There's nothing to do"

One thing that I consider essential for gift giving occasion is something to DO. In my experience if there is no gift that engages the child in play or activity you are asking for trouble. If they love to read, a book might work, but not unless they truly love curling up with a book.

As the giver of the gifts, this "What's next" attitude can be very annoying! Recognize that children may become bored... even on a holiday! If the house is full of relatives and chaos, boredom and "antsy-ness" are not avoided. Children may need something to safely occupy themselves even more than in an empty house. [Maybe even quietly???] Plus, let us not forget that the excitement and bustle of holidays and gifts are super-hyped in both the media and children's minds. What could possibly live up to that?

Also helpful is something to engage people together. Many activities today are solitary, marked by isolating headphones etc. This makes a gift that is used or done WITH someone is especially nice. Whether a game, or a project, or a puzzle, or what doesn't matter. What matters is that it lets you give two gifts in one. The gift itself, and the time spent with another person... especially if that person is you.

So, save yourself a headache and irritation this holiday. Give something to do, and something that you can do WITH them if you possible can. Try to find a way to schedule the day so that for a part of it you can play with them, giving them that precious gift of attention. That is far more important to them than a fancy dinner.

Image credits: halfpastawesome.com, parentingclan.com, parentdish.co.uk, visualphotos.com

Caring Heart: Christmas with the Family?

2011-12-18T07:00:00.004-05:00

Some foster parents continue to foster long after their biological children have grown and left the nest. This sometimes created unexpected concerns and ripples.

Christmas with the Family?

Oh merciful God, Christmas is almost here. I am struggling so hard to find the spirit of Christmas and to keep it in my heart. I know the holidays are sometimes full of pain for them for the Christmases that never were that should have been, and for so much more. But what about MY Christmases Lord? My first family is coming home to their home and deserve a family Christmas, too. I know they understand my reasons for taking this child into my home. I know that they even support the choice, and welcome this child. But... they are still pained that by my choosing to.. they are also forced into changes they had not expected. When they come home, they are robbed of anticipating the calm comfort of home. They know too well that they must prepare for walking into chaos, trauma, rampaging emotions and more that are far more likely than a calm return to the home of their childhood. Help me to remember that long ago family who brought a child into the world with no room other than a stable. Help them each to remember the more important traditions of lover over habit, of caring over comfort, of giving over receiving . Help us all adjust to the changes and celebrate the important things. Help us to manage priorities and emotions, to recognize that what we may have lost is so very much less than what this child has lost. Help us to remember and honor what is truly important this Christmas.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Holidays 101: #16 Long Distance Gifts

2011-12-16T07:00:00.100-05:00

I have some family who live within hours, some who live on the other side of the country and even some on the other side of the world. Here are some ideas that have brightened the holidays across the miles for me. [And they all fit inside a priority mail envelope!]

1. Photo ornaments:
I still cherish a set of photo ornaments I received ages ago. No they aren't photos on porcelain, tho I have seen lovely ones. These were a set of free form shapes cut from card stock. On each was a photo of a family member who could not come for the holidays. Gold glitter edged each photo and a ribbon tie let each photo be placed on my tree and then later hung around my room. These two photos show similar efforts, although a bit fancier.

2. For Grandparents especially:

As grandchildren get more numerous and memory less dependable, making a family calendar is not only easy, but helpful too! Pictures are a nice addition if you choose, but the key part is to put everyone's birthday and year they were born. [If they are especially forgetful, put a birthday alert on the calendar a few days ahead of each birthday so they can send a card in time!] Someone did this for me several years ago and it was a great help in remembering how old each grandchild was and whose birthday was when.

3. Recordings:

These are great for all kinds of occasions as Hallmark finally figured out! Years and years ago my father make a [reel to reel!] tape recording of him reading my brother's favorite bedtime stories to comfort my brother when he was stuck in bed sick. Many years later we put a [cassette] tape recorder in the middle of the room to capture the chaos and excitement of the holiday by having all the kids sing some holiday songs and send holiday greetings. We then sent the recording to my parents, who I later discovered played the recording over and over each Christmas for years. Now with digital recordings and CDs the variety of options is even wider. The magic of hearing your loved ones voice never gets out-dated and a recording that you can hear repeatedly and over time is even more special. And of course now there is video too!.....Skype and phone calls are wonderful but making a lasting recording is an even bigger blessing.

4. Celebrate Memories:

Consider something like what I blogged about in last Saturday's Holidays 101 #11 [Give a High Five]. Find a way to capture and celebrate memories of the distant person, or of times shared together. Whether a mini-book, or a scrapbook, or even just a list, documenting the importance of memories and events that you value lets the person who receives your gift know how special they are to you. These are perfect long distance gifts whether for seasonal holidays or birthdays etc.

Holidays 101: #15-Teachers & Coworker Gifts

2011-12-15T07:00:00.076-05:00

Here is a grab bag of ideas for teachers, helpers, coworkers and others... most able to bepicked up or ordered last minute...

For those with a family:
1- How about making a filling a holiday bag with an assortment of holiday paper plates, napkins, plasticware, etc. to reduce the stress at home for the people who are working for you and still facing holiday stuff and responsibilities at home?
2- How about a gift certificate to a photo store for a family portrait?

For those with a known indulgence:
3- If you have kept your eyes and ears open you may know that your teacher [like me] cannot resist orange skittles, or maybe loves to go to the movies. One of my favorite gifts from a student was a gift certificate good for three evenings of relaxation at the movies and a ziplock bag filled with ALL orange skittles! It showed me that they had paid attention to me as a person, not just as a teacher and that they wanted me to be able to indulge myself. [I have no idea how long it took to sort out just the orange skittles!]
4- Listen for clues an find a gift to match their personal interests... Would they love a chance to shop at a garden store? A sports store? Have a membership, pass or gift card for a local museum, fun park, golf course, bowling alley, or other attraction?

For computer/tech lovers:
5- Give them the fun of shopping for something special... whether an apple gift card for those who may have loved Apples since the Macintosh days, or one for a computer and game store to buy that longed for Wii or Playstation or Xbox accessory or game.
6- How about a gift of participation such as credits for entertainment sites such as audible.com [audio books] or netflix, or bargain sites like groupon or living social??

When in doubt:
7- Almost always safe gift certificates for teachers are those to a book store for readers or an office store...places that often eat up large portions of a teacher's discretionary spending.

8- In this day and struggling economy gift certificates for food stores, bakeries, even for electricity can be truly helpful and no longer are considered inappropriate.

No more excuses... get going. Make a connection and go for it! There's still time...

Holidays 101: #14- Beyond Building Blocks

2011-12-14T07:00:00.006-05:00

Today I recommend cool options for building for kids who already have the traditional wooden building blocks and are ready for a different kind of building... each product with a key warning.

1- Magnetix. They come in all different size assortments. [17 pcs to 140 pcs!] The strong magnets allow kids to create shapes that can spin and twirl as well as stand or tower. Start with a small set and if your child goes crazy for them, as one of my did, you may be adding to their collection literally for years!

Warning: Magnetix pieces are too small for toddlers so, if you have toddlers substitue Jumbo Magneatos which are a similar product but supersized so that swallowing is not a hazard.

2. A non-magnetic alternative is Zoobs. These are snap together parts that work on a ball-joint principle. Each kit comes with directions for assembling the zoobs into a variety of creatures [from turtles to chickens to raptors] and objects [chairs to wheelbarrows to helicopters].

Kids will create figures similar to animals and objects [ex cars] rather than buildings or geometric shapes. The creations arms, legs, tails, etc. can be moved and shaped. If you buy a more complex set, they can move on wheels or even be operated by remote control! [Sets for motorized cars, robots, etc.]

Warning! If you want to avoid frustration open the package before giving and when the kids are in bed or at school, spend some time putting the parts together and taking them apart. When they are brand new they can be very stiff and difficult for kids.

The time you spend breaking them in will pay off huge dividends when your kids open the gift and start to play. Once you have broken them in the kids will be less frustrated, will instantly adore them and will spend hours and hours making new creations and playing with them.

Note: The company also makes Zoob Jr. for younger kids with softer pieces. I have not tried the Zoob Jr set myself but the idea makes sense.

Holidays 101: #13- Different Dinner Out

2011-12-13T07:00:00.037-05:00

Try on a new holiday tradition. Think of someone in your neighborhood, or faith group, or circle of friends who is likely to be alone for the holidays. While it may not be practical or best to have them come to you for the actual holiday/s, there is no reason not to show them your love anyway during the season.Work as a family to bring them a holiday meal and some holiday cheer! Give up one of your holiday meals to bring holiday meals to those otherwise alone.

1. Choose two or three people to visit.

2. Kids can make cards wishing a good holiday and saying other nice things specific to the person. Parents can add a mention that you will be stopping by on [date] around [time] to drop off some holiday food if it is convenient for them. Be sure to include your phone number in case they need to let you know they won't be home at that time.

3. Go to a local dollar store and pick up a tray [or a cookie sheet you can convert to a tray].

4. Buy some cute seasonal paper plates and plastic-ware. Fix the tray to look cheery and add a "thinking of you" place card with the person's name and more holiday wishes and compliments inside.

5. Working as a family put together a dessert or snack bag of goodies ahead and fix a special meal for the night stated. Fix an extra supper plate for each person you will visit. Take the food, tray, dishes, utensils, cards.. and of course desserts with you.

6. Drive to each house chosen and make your delivery of greetings and tray of food. Set it up for them on their table or next to their chair. Maybe play or sing some holiday music or just shower them with holiday greetings and cheerful smiles. Spend a few minutes with each person before heading on your way to the next stop.

7. On your way home, pick up a simple pizza for you to share for your meal. Talk about the power of a simple hand in hand, a bit of holiday cheer, and a little effort can give an incredible message of caring.

Trust me, the joy of giving your evening meal to those who wouldn't have had one and bringing the holiday spirit to them will make that pizza taste better than almost any meal you could have had at home!

Holidays 101: #12-Science Starter

2011-12-12T07:00:00.054-05:00

To encourage a budding scientist I recommend Elenco's Snap Circuits Jr. SC-100. This kit [which I found for about $20] lets kids from 7 or 8 on up to make dozens of simple electronic projects using the direction book and the 30+ snap together parts.

The parts snap together simply [almost a bit lego like] often with only a little help from grownups depending on the child's age. The young scientists learn some basic principles of electronics as they figure out how to make a flying saucer fly, a doorbell ring, a motion detector go off, and more.

Elenco makes three different size multi-project kits [ranging all the way up to $80] and individual project kits for between $10-$30. [The largest has over 80 parts and can complete over 750 projects!]

NOTE: If you plan to give this as a gift be sure to purchase 2 "AA" batteries so that the science can begin right away! No other tools, or soldering is required.

Also: Make the exploring even more fun by including a spiral notebook for taking notes and a disposable camera for documenting the projects as each is concluded.

And Don't Forget that girls can be budding scientists too!!

Caring Heart: The Curse of Presents

2011-12-11T07:00:00.004-05:00

Continuing with Holidays 101 theme, today's meditation may connect with those of you who are fostering children who still have some connections to mom and/or dad.

The Curse of Presents

Sometimes I think I hate presents. Whenever there is a celebration that brings presents I cringe. I fill with tension and wonder if the kids do too? I wonder if the children will get a present from their mom or dad. If they do, will it even be remotely appropriate for them, or something I have to take away for safety or age match reasons? And how do I mange the return gifts from the kids to their mom and dad? I should be better about it, but on how it bugs me to give the children money to buy a gift for the same people who seldom care enough to do the same for their children. To watch them spend their [or my] hard-earned money to buy something nice for mom or dad while mom or dad just goes to some charity place and picks out a toy truck for the 16-year-old or an eye shadow kit for the 7-year-old. Ease my frustrations, Lord. Loosen the knots of tension. Help me admit the pangs of jealousy and move past them. Help me remember that it is about the kids, and that it is not a competition. Help me celebrate the generous spirits and the loving hearts within these small bodies.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Holidays 101: #11 - Give a" High Five"

2011-12-10T07:30:00.016-05:00

Whether the person lives far away or in your own house, this is a simple to do, yet deeply meaningful gift you can give that will be treasured for years by the recipient. Give a person you love a very special, very personal, "High Five." This can be done by an individual or as a group project by a whole family. It can be done very simply and quickly or be made more complex and fancy..... either way, it is the personalized content that makes this so special, not whether the handwriting is neat, or done by computer, or whether in a 99¢ notebook or done on fancy vellum and bound at an office store.

1. Take a small "mini journal" like those available soft cover in almost any dollar store.

2. Make a Table of Contents listing five chapters. [You can add the page numbers later if you wish]

---- Five things you love or admire about the person.

---- Five things would you enjoy or do enjoy doing with the person.

---- Five words [or phrases] that describe the person.

---- Five memories you have of the person.

---- Five wishes you have for that person.

3. Write each chapter title on its own page. [Add drawings or drawn borders if you like.]

4. Use a separate page for each chapter list or [if you want a longer book and the pages are small] put each number item on a separate page making each chapter 5 pages plus chapter title page.

5. Add photos. Use a photo of the person at the front of the book and/or on the cover of the book. [Add a few pages of other photos scattered thru book if plenty of photos of the person are available. ]

6. Author's page. BE SURE to include a section at the end of the book with the names [and photos if possible] of the book's "authors" and the date [at least the year] of the gift. Have each person who contributed sign the page.

Optional Extras You Can Add:
---a dedication page at the front, --- illustrate pagees or add drawings---more "Fives" to fit the person. [favorite foods, sayings, places, etc.] Be creative or be fast....either way:

Warning: This Gift Guaranteed to Delight !

Holidays 101: #10 Bad Hair Days

2011-12-09T07:00:00.001-05:00

This book is fun for any child who has ever had a bad hair day or wondered what to do with their hair.

What's Wrong With My Hair?
by Satoshi Kitamura
pub: HoughtonMifflin copyright 2007

This tells the story of a lion who is trying to decide what to do with his hair. The book has an oval cut out in the middle of the page to show the lion's face while each page frames his face with a different crazy hair style... everything from waves to spaghetti to bird's nests. Finally on the last page the back cover has a hole so that the child can go to a mirror and look through the hole to frame his/her own face with the lion's chosen hairstyle.

Finally, on the back cover it shows the steps for children to make their own hair style frames to "try on" their faces.

All in all, this is a fun, interactive book that makes light of hair issues and gives a chance [if you want to be serious] to talk about all different ways that people wear their hair in different cultures or based on their own kind of hair.

Holidays 101: #9- Free Gifts

2011-12-08T07:00:00.122-05:00

One of the challenges I have as a parent is teaching my cherubs that not all gifts need to be cost money. Sometimes a favorite gift might actually be free. [For example... I recently had a birthday and without question my favorite gift that day was totally free. I had a day when I did not hear a SINGLE fight, cross word, insult, jab, or argument between my children. They may have happened, but if so, not within my hearing or presence. It made a Lovvvvely, c-a-l-m, day. And it didn't cost them a single penny!]

Here is my Holiday 101 strategy for today... to help your children brainstorm free acts of kindness that they can give as gifts this season [or any other].

Build a family Kindness Katalog:

1. Be prepared with a big piece of chart paper or poster paper and a magic marker.
2. Gather the crew, explain the concept and get started. The idea is for each family member to [one at a time] come up with things THEY would consider a gift if given, but that does not cost ANY money. It might be a back rub, a day with no chores, someone else doing their chore for x days, choice of dinner, an extra bedtime story, breakfast in bed, ride to school on a rainy day, etc.
3. Any suggestion that at least two people think would be a good gift gets written down on the chart. [If the family is small skip the two people part.] Mom & Dad should participate too of course!
4. When the chart is done post it in a place of honor.
5. Anyone who would enjoy any of the suggestions puts their initial next to the idea. That way the rest of the family can go to the posted Kindness Katalog for gift giving ideas.

I recommend a planned brainstorming session with everyone there to get the Kindness Katalog started. After the initial brainstorming session you can add to the Katalog anytime people have more ideas.

Motivation Hint: I sometimes "sweeten" the process by setting out a big bowl of candy "hugs" and "kisses." Each time someone comes up with an idea for the kindness catalog they can help themselves to one "hug" or "kiss" candy. Skittles also are popular and fewer calories per idea! [I find this fuels the imagination AND the motivation to come up with multiple ideas.] Since I usually do this activity one night after dinner, the treats serve as dessert.

Holidays 101: #8.. Remembrance

2011-12-07T07:00:00.084-05:00

Today would normally be soapbox day so here is some different food for holiday thought. The holidays are a time when we particularly miss people. People from whom we are geographically separated. People from whom we are emotionally estranged. Particularly people who have died and who we miss.

This holiday season remember and share stories of those you have loved and lost. Keep their memories alive by your sharing. By sharing the stories, the memories, the pieces we hold onto, we keep their light burning. It may seem as "holiday" as ringing holiday bells or caroling voices, but this is a time to share, to remember, to celebrate and embrace the memories. The warmth and light will warm our hearts just as surely as the people we miss did.

A year ago I learned of the death of a very special former student, Taylor Emmons. I broke my habit and wrote a personal post about Taylor. I did it because I was moved to by the flood of emotions and loss. To my amazement it remains one of the most frequently visited blog posts of the almost 600 posts since I began. It consistently is in the top 10. I just saw that they have established a scholarship fund in Taylor's name at a school he attended in Florida after leaving Maine. I wish there were some way Taylor's family could know how all those people who have read that post were also moved by hearing about Taylor's life, or more accurately by the way he lived his life.

Reach out to those you may know who have experienced loss. Listen to their sharing, their stories. Stories of holidays together, of ordinary times together. Families and friends often gather during the holiday season. Maybe take some time this holiday season to share the stories of those you have loved and miss, of those who your loved ones still miss. Take time from the holiday bustle to pause, to remember, to share.

Holidays 101: #7... Ball of Whacks

2011-12-06T07:00:00.065-05:00

Remember the Wedgits that I said older kids would play with out of sight? Well, today's recommendation is a magnetic "toy" for those older kids. Called a "Ball of Whacks" the original was all red. Recently they have added a blue version and a multicolored version. The pictures don't really show what can be done. The "ball" allows nearly endless creative building and imagination.

The ball is made up of 30 magnetic pyramids so that you can pull out or move any piece and it will stick anywhere you chose on the remaining pyramids. I can only imagine what you could come up with by combining different sets together.

I did find a video on you tube that shows the Ball of Whacks in action creating animal figures.

Roger von Oech has also come out since then with a companion product the "X-Ball" which can be used independently or in conjunction with the Ball of Whacks. I can't recommend this because I have not yet tried it and you know how picky I am about only recommending things I personally have used. [Though I have heard a rumor that Santa is bringing the X Ball to a person in my home.... so stay tuned in January for a followup report!]

Both toys have won awards in the creative play categories. Both range from $20-$30 when not on sale. Both come with books of suggestions [which kids mostly ignore in favor of their own independent explorations!].

P.S. Coming later in Holidays 101 are some far less expensive gadgets for those needing more of a fidget toy than a creative building toy.

Holidays 101: #6...Zingo !

2011-12-05T07:00:00.068-05:00

Anyone looking for a great game to play with kiddos 4-8 years old, look no further...Zingo! My old favorite was Barnyard Bingo. It only requireded four matches for a winning hand. It used four barnyard animals in different color tokens. Each player chose a color rack and tried to collect all four animals in "their" color. The pull mechanism for "rolling" your token sometimes broke its spring, but my first kids loved it anyway. While it was available we went through three sets ourselves, and I bought countless others for gifts. Sadly, Fischer Price discontinued it several years ago [I don't want to buy a used one online for $45!] Finally Zingo! came on the scene from ThinkFun and saved me!

Zingo! Advantages:
1- Each game is SHORT, so attention spans and frustration levels rarely are an issue. Games are short so "Play again?" can be given a Yes several times. Likewise the loser is likely to be able to get a rematch since the games go so quickly.
2- Each row is only 3 pictures not 5 of most bingo style games, Even cover the board only needs 9 picture matches.
3- Pictures are simple line drawings of familiar objects and there is also the written word below each.
4. The sliding mechanism is manageable even for small kids and in my house survived literally years of use without breaking... a major plus.

There are two levels of play possible with the game, and enough playing cards that swapping cards creates lots of options. I have even used the 72 plastic Zingo tiles for playing the "Memory" game as well!

With a cost of less than $20, you can frequently find it on sale for closer to $15. It's sturdy, small [easily packable] and a game that even siblings can often play together without adults once they know the game.
Try it! I almost guarantee it will be a success.

Caring Heart: Shoplifting

2011-12-04T07:00:00.042-05:00

To connect with our Holidays 101 theme, I am choosing meditations that might connect to the challenges the holidays too often bring. With all the pressure to give and to receive gifts, all the wanting and wishing, children sometimes succumb to the temptation to shoplift their way to the holidays.

Shoplifting.

How could they do this? We go to that store all the time. Now I'm not sure that I will ever feel comfortable going there again. I know they are not welcome there anymore, and I can't help feeling responsible. Yes, I taught them better. Yes, I know they know better. But they still chose to put it in their pockets instead of paying for it or doing without. And heaven help them if they try the "Everybody does it" line. That is worse than an excuse. They know they made the choice themselves. Peer pressure, even if it does happen, is not an excuse for doing wrong, much less for stealing. I don't care that what they stole was small. It is still stealing. Guide me in helping them turn away from this choice. Help me teach them more effectively how to resist the temptations. Give me the words and actions to help them resist and make better choices. Help me lead them to develop and to prize their integrity.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Holidays 101: #5 Wedgits

2011-12-03T07:00:00.006-05:00

Move over building blocks. For the younger set these are no-fail building toys. For older kids they are a challenge to the creative design minds.

Wedgits
Mfg: ImagAbility

These make great imaginative play and dexterity practice. The smallest set [15 pieces] is under $20, but if you can I would go with the 30 piece set [around $27]. The stack compactly when not in use and when in use can make all kids of towers and designs, limited only by imagination.

They balance almost no matter how you stack them. For families with toddlers around you will have to take out the smallest piece but the rest are totally safe from swallowing hazards.

The manufacturer says ages 3-8, but I've used it [without the smallest piece] from 2 to teens. GREAT for independent play or playing with a friend. My favorite part was that they were small to transport, fast to pick up and pack up, but gave kids something to "build bigger."

You can also buy a deck of design cards that shows different building options [kind of like a tangram diagram but easier]. With these elementary and adolescents get more involved. Teens won't admit they like them, but you will find them playing with them out of sight!

My kiddos built up to having 60 pieces and created whole futuristic city-scapes for their toy cars and midget people.
AND.... when no one is looking the teens and adults in the house will likely be playing with these as well!

Holidays 101: #4 Teen Inspiration

2011-12-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

A inspirational gift for adolescents or teens:

Teens with the Courage to Give:
Young People Who Triumphed Over Tragedy and Volunteered to Make a Difference
by Jackie Waldman
Pub Conari Press copyright 2000

This paperback book has 30 chapters, each telling the story of a remarkable teen. Each chapter is short [between 3-6 pages] and is told from the viewpoint of each teen. The teens tell their story, the obstacle they faced, how they got past it, and what they chose to do that gave their life direction and purpose focused on helping others. These stories provide wonderful inspiration for adolescents and teens, especially those who feel that life has handed them a lemon or two. Many of the chapters offer resource information and/or ideas for readers to pursue similar ideas. 20 pages of back matter at the end of the book provide discussion questions, action resources, suggested reading and more.

Holidays 101: # 3- Moods

2011-12-01T07:00:00.054-05:00

Some of you may remember her from her movies, but her writing is a bona fide career now, and a field in which she has also gained great respect.

Jamie Lee Curtis has written a whole series of books on kid friendly topics and feelings. [See the list below. The illustrator [Laura Cornell] adds fun, colorful, slightly zany, whimsical illustrations. Today I recommend one of my favorite books of hers:

TODAY I FEEL SILLY & Other Moods That Make My Day

In this book Curtis uses rhyming lines that kids will enjoy following. She covers a wide range of emotions that children typically experience and why the moods might happen. She is right on target every time without beating the idea to death. Kids will laugh, but they will understand and recognize the feelings. As with the "It's Not Fair" book I love that this book normalizes the range of feelings and moods for kids rather than see moods as something to "snap out of" or "fix."

My FAVORITE part of this book for some of my challenged kiddos was the back page where there is a pair of wheels to spin that change the eye and mouth expressions on a face. As you change the expression the label shows up for the typical mood that face shows. GREAT for teaching non-verbal cues and helping kids understand, explore, mimic, etc.

Other Jamie Lee Curtis books:
My Mommy Hung the Moon: A Love Story
It's Hard to Be Five: Learning How to Work My Control Panel
I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem

Big Words for Little People

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born
Is There Really a Human Race?
Where Do Balloons Go? An Uplifting Mystery
When I Was Little: A Four-Year-Old's Memoir of Her Youth

AND:

Jamie Lee Curtis's Books to Grow By Treasury

Includes 4 of her stories [Balloon, Human Race, Like Me, and Moon] plus songs and activities to go with each.

Holidays 101: #2: Holiday Card Idea

2011-11-30T07:00:00.065-05:00

It has been years and years since I got my act together enough to actually send out Christmas cards. AS much as people complain about holiday cards, I discovered that if you don't send them you do lose track of people in your life. This year I am determined to reverse that trend if I can. I am GOing to send out cards this year. Not a lot, but some. Not with fancy letters, but at least with a sentence above my signature. Try using Google or Facebook or Anywho.com to track down someone you have lost track of and using the excuse of a holiday to reconnect.

More important I am sending out a bunch of cards to people I don't even know. Consider this possibility for you and your kids to do with some of those leftover Christmas and Hannukah cards buried in boxes somewhere amid the holiday trappings. I am not in favor of war. However I separate the policy of wars from the men and women who sacrifice so much to make a positive difference in the world. The Red Cross sponsors a special program that will accept and distribute cards with the blessing and cooperation of the mail service, the military, and even hospitals. Make it a new tradition to use some of your card sending as a blessing to people you don't even know. Send each one addressed to:

Holiday Mail For Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456

PLEASE note: Cards sent to "A Recovering American Soldier" or "Any soldier" etc. absolutely will not and CANNOT be delivered [example: those recommended for the Walter Reed Army Med. Ctr that seems to pop up online each year] "Federal law and postal regulations will not allow mail addressed to “Recovering Soldiers” or “Any Service member” to be delivered."

Make a real difference for people who gave up a lot in the hopes of making a real difference for others.

Image credits: kikipotamus.wordpress.com, army.mil, redcross.com

Holidays 101: #1 - Fair

2011-11-29T07:00:00.005-05:00

Today one of several books I am recommending this year that are good for a wide range of ages:

It's Not Fair!
by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld
pub: HarperCollins copyright 2008

Every parent sooner or later hears the common wail: " It's not fa--a--i---rrrr" echoing through the room from an aggrieved child. Even if you have only one child, you cannot escape from that eventual complaint. This simple picture book, with short sentences takes a light-hearted look at the unfairness which surrounds us all. Even the paper on the inside of the covers is used as a source for amusement for the parents reading the book. Book is for anyone over the age of 3.

There are other "It's Not Fair" books [titles cannot be copyrighted] but this is my favorite. Not because it offers solutions. Because it shows that everyone and everything can sometimes feel that something is not fair. That feeling it isn't fair is normal. I am a great believer in teaching children that feelings are normal. That they come and go. That EVERYone has them.

Holiday Announcement ! !

2011-11-28T07:00:00.008-05:00

Hey, I know it is Monday so it should be School Bell. BUT, for the next few weeks, I am going to more or less ignore my usual schedule. Instead I will be doing a different holiday tradition or gift idea each day. Sundays will stay Caring Heart Meditations but the others will be more flexible. Sometimes I may gear the idea or gift for the old day theme but not always.

Get ready for a month of ideas for celebrating Hannukah, Kwanza, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays and anniversaries. Something hopefully for everyone and every age. We'll see how it works.... AND, if you have something that you would like me to recommend email me and let me know! Remember.... I get no anything from anyone for my recommendations. They are ALL things I have done or do myself unless I tell you otherwise.

I am tentatively calling it Holidays 101 and I will number the days. Let me know what you think of it as we go along. I know everyone is busy this time of year and can easily be overwhelmed so I will try to keep most posts short and to the point. If you have an age group or situation you want me to be sure to cover, email me and I will try to find a solution or an idea at least and post it before the end of December.

Soo... brace yourself, get ready and get set... tomorrow we start!

Image credit: enjoyradio.org

Caring Heart: A Manicure

2011-11-27T07:00:00.021-05:00

The chance to spend special time with a child can make a memory that lasts for years.

A Manicure

She got a manicure today. A real one. We went to the beauty shop and got the whole works. I wanted her to experience the fun of having pretty fingernails in the hope that it may help her fight the urge to bite them again. She has worked so hard to grow them out. So many times she would be almost there. Then one morning I would notice her curling her fingers inside her palm and, sure enough, when I could catch sight they were bitten down to the quick again. I know the anxiety and emotional turmoil that keeps her biting them long after her peers have outgrown the habit. It is such a visible sign of the hurt little child inside. So let this afternoon together lift her spirits. Let these brightly colored, shaped nails give her a boost of self-confidence. If she slips, we have still had the time together. She has still had a taste of what can be. We will still have had an afternoon of sharing and celebration. Let these memories stick with her and begin to replace some of the older, tougher memories.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: 365 Thank Yous

2011-11-26T07:00:00.027-05:00

Today's quick take is an interesting book for you to consider checking out at your local library, inter-library loan, or bookstore.

Author John Kralik was having a really tough stretch and was buoyed in a dark moment by an unexpected thank you note he received. As an experiment he challenged himself to sort of return the favor... every day for a year. He set out to write a thank you note each day and every day for one full year. The book 365 Thank Yous chronicles both the experiment and how the process changed him along the way.

I've toyed with trying the experiment with my kiddos next year. Anybody else interested? Maybe we could collaborate? Let me know!

Image credit: hyperionbooks.com

Anything Can Happen: Black Friday

2011-11-25T07:00:00.030-05:00

Two Black Friday grins for you today:

From walyou.com ------

For those of you among us who love sarcasm I offer one of my all time favorite sites: despair.com a business that mocks all those motivational posters often seen on corporate walls. Their annual calendar one of my regular purchases for certain sarcastic friends. For Black Friday they offer this painfully accurate view----

"Black Friday: Separating Americans from money they don't really have since 1996."

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T07:00:00.005-05:00

Soapbox: A Thought

2011-11-23T07:00:00.008-05:00

I don't remember where I first read this or who said this, but I will let it stand on its own for my soapbox today.

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why he allows poverty, suffering and injustice when he can do something about it."

"Why don't you ask Him"

"Because I'm afraid he would ask me the same question.

Image credit: idswy.com

Focus on Fostering: Gratitude Journals

2011-11-22T07:00:00.001-05:00

Oprah Winfrey was a vocal advocate for gratitude journals.. a way of tracking all of our blessings and focusing on them, being mindful each day of the good in the day.

Quite possibly no one needs the habit more than children in care. They often have had so much loss in their lives, so much pain. They often think they deserve what has happened. I once told one of my gremlins that "everybody deserves a happy childhood," only to be contradicted very quickly and firmly with a "Not me. Other kids, but not me."

Learning to see the positive in their lives, to find things to celebrate, is a skill often harder to acquire than anything they study in school and a skill far more needed in life.

Try modeling it this Thanksgiving. Take a small blank book and a pen and act as secretary for them. Whether around the table or on a bed, or in a comfy chair...generate a list together of things to be thankful for... people, moments, events, small steps, big steps. Put the year at the top of the list. Then over the next month talk about that list. Bring it out now and then. Add to it when something good happens, be it a good day, or a good hour. Write it down to both make it real and to preserve it. On New Year's Eve turn to a new page and write 2012 at the top. Continue your list and touching base with each other.

With luck and determination, by next Thanksgiving your child will be far more able to participate. They will be beginning to absorb the idea of taking moments to celebrate success, the ability to recognize good things when they come.

Little by little, day by day they will learn a more positive view of life. A more balanced view of their own lives. They may never be "glass half full" people. But hopefully you can show them and lead them to see that their glasses are not empty, that their glasses can become fuller over time.

Gratitude can be a candle of light against the darkness of discouragement, despair, and isolation. Use this Thanksgiving to help them light the flame.

Image credit: avramgonzales.com, mentalhealthnews.com

School Bell: Currency of Thanks

2011-11-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

I know that by now some of you may be getting tired of the giving Thanks themes, but I want to take a post to consider the value of thanks on all sides of the school equation.

1- Thanks to a teacher from a parent... I taught school for over 30 years and only three times got written thank you notes from a parent at Thanksgiving or unexpected times. Believe me, I remember those parents... to this day. I am not complaining... I got many thank yous at the close of the school year each year, and many spoken thank yous. What I want you to know is the power of a written thank you when a teacher is not expecting it. The way that it boosts your spirits, revitalizes your reserves, and carries you for days and days.

2- Thanks from a teacher to a parent... I have raised nine children completely and others for stretches of time. Some have been great students, some special needs, some challenging, some hard-working and some lazy. Those of you reading this who may be teachers yourselves... How often have you stopped to jot a quick thank you note to a parent who you see working to support their child's efforts in school? Parents also need to know their efforts are noticed and appreciated.

3- Thanks to your student child... Try writing a quick note to your child after a decent study session for a test. After they struggle and finish completing a late assignment, or a tough project, or making up back work. Maybe even a short thank you note the day they sit down to do their homework without arguing. Kids need to know we notice. Praise for good stuff is FAR more effective than slams when they make mistakes. By giving that praise in writing, it sticks around both in their minds and on paper longer.

Any kind of thank you is better than none. But a thank you someone takes the time to WRITE is particularly powerful because it is so uncommon these days. It doesn't need to be fancy. It doesn't need to be on cute stationery. Although I personally prefer signed ones, it doesn't even need to be signed. It just needs to be personal, honest, and specific. "Steve, Thank you for studying so hard for your history test last night. I am proud of you!, Mom," or "Mr Thompson, Thank you for such a great study guide for the history test, it made helping Steve study much easier!, Mrs. Smith," or "Mrs Smith, Thank you for all your hard work helping Steve study for his test!, Mr. Thompson." Give it a shot. It can't hurt.

P.S. I wouldn't hurt for your child to send one to you or the teacher either!

Image credits: freestyledesigns.net, robinscraftroom.com

Caring Heart: A Thank You

2011-11-20T07:00:00.021-05:00

"Thank You" is one of the first social phrases we teach our children. As the Thanksgiving Day chaos and joy approach it seems logical to take a look at a meditation about this "simple" act that can mean so very much.

A Thank You

He said "Thank you" tonight. Not a knee jerk response. A real thank you. Not after a ride to school when he overslept. Or a ride to a friend's house. Not after I gave him something. Just "Thank You." He had gone down to bed after a pretty typical day. Not a perfect day. Not even an argument-free day. Just a day. He had brushed his teeth [woo hoo!] and taken a shower and gone to bed. I hadn't even tucked him in or anything. Then he came back to the living room, gave me a hug and said those two precious words. "Thank you." Caught by surprise I said, "For what?" His response was carefully casual and tossed over his shoulder as he headed back to bed. "Nothing. Just Thank you...g'nite." Those two words will hold me through a lot of tough days. Thank you.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: Creative Rewards #56-60

2011-11-19T07:40:00.012-05:00

Today's quick take is five more creative rewards for your kids. Except for last month [when I forgot] this is a once a month feature to come up with alternatives to stickers and food and purchases for treats and rewards. Examples are for a mix of ages and genders and locations. Adjust for your own kids and your own region. [Creative Rewards #1-55 can be found if you search "Rewards."]

56. Have an ice cream party

57. Play frisbee

58. Backwards dinner

59. Start a collection

60. Help rake leaves AND jump in the pile [region dependent]
or wash a car in bathing suits

Image credits: thefamilygroove.com, nyscaa.org, sayleadershipcoaching.com

Anything Can Happen: Thanksgiving Trees!

2011-11-18T08:05:00.013-05:00

Great minds think alike.... either that or the TODAY show has been reading my blog! I was excited to see a suggestion this week from their decorating correspondent that was like my last year's post describing our Thanksgiving Tree. Their expert used colored paper cut outs of fall leaves and tied then to an arrangement of small bare branches in a vase for a table centerpiece, but it was the same idea. So I decided to repeat my post from last year. Is YOUR Thanksgiving Tree up yet? It's not too late!!

Here is my original post:

Tis the season of Thanksgiving. Christmas has a Christmas tree. But not everyone celebrates Christmas. Almost everyone can celebrate the act of being thankful. Some can celebrate a bountiful feast as pictured below. Some are thankful for the very ordinary as so often shown by people with very little. Gratitude is a trait that is crucial to resilience and is so important to teach our children. So... how about a Thanksgiving tree? Based on the idea of a kindness tree I saw once I am trying a Thanksgiving tree this year. IT is a work in progress and I am asking the children [AND guests or visitors] to add to it each day. I started by cut up index cards, hole punching them and tying ribbon through for ties. I gave each child 5 card tags to start with and piled markers, crayons, and old magazines on the table in front of them. Each child was to write down, draw, or cut and paste something they are thankful for this year. Big things, little things. People, events, anything that has brought them joy. When everyone was done we went outside and tied them to the branches of a tree. [Ours is actually a bush!] Send me photos of yours? [Nov 19, 2010]

Image credit: revolvingdoorcommune.wordpress.com

Parenting Tips: Thank You notes

2011-11-17T07:00:00.024-05:00

Our Thursday tips this month are focusing on helping kids develop a sense of gratitude and learning to thank people. Today... Thank you notes.

Thank you notes are not every child's favorite activity. But they are a crucial skill to learn and, like most skills, starting early helps. In this era of emails and phone calls a written thank you note will be truly treasured by its recipient, and the lesson important for your kids.

For youngest or most reluctant:
Take a picture of them with a thank you sign. Even write "Thank you" in chalk on a sidewalk and sit them next to it! Use that to make a thank you card [either by computer or the old fashioned copy, cut and paste system]. On the inside of the card all they have to do is draw a happy face and either print their name or initial [if able] or sign it with an inked thumbprint. [For extra fun have the kids come up with how to show the words "Thank you." One of the past favorites with my crew... the words spelled out in Skittle candies on the kitchen table while the child sat and waved next to it.]

As they get older you can up the ante step by step...

1. Require the child to write "Thank you for the ___(name the gift)______." above their signature.

2. Require the child to write "Dear _(name of giver)_, "Thank you for the ___(name the gift)______."

3. Require the child to add one sentence about the gift before signing. ["I really like the color.""I can use it at school." etc.]

Option: If you have group gifts or several kids, take a group picture for the outside and each child can add a sentence or note or happy face, depending on age.

Also: In the beginning they will be more successful if you write the address etc, but let them have the fun of adding the stamp and taking it to the mailbox or post office.

Image credits: resumewritingservice.biz, hatevil.wordpress.com

Soapbox: Being Thankful

2011-11-16T07:00:00.062-05:00

Thanksgiving is just over a week away and I have to admit that for all more complaints and frustrations I have an abundance of things for which to be thankful.

I have never lived my life trying to achieve wealth or power [and its a good thing, because I don't have either!]. I spend far more time worrying about money than I would like. I spend far more time wishing for this or that than I want to admit. No, I am not rich. No, I am not ever comfortable. I have debt. I struggle with bills. I have absolutely no savings, which at 63 is very scary. BUT, I have a home, I don't worry about putting food on my table or coats on the kids in winter. I have computer and internet access. I have a basic level of living that thousands and thousands and thousands in this country do not have, nor will ever have. So I DO have wealth. Without even looking at the cliche of starving child in country x or y I have wealth. In a country where so many homes are in foreclosure or long gone or never had, I have a home. It is large enough that we could fit more people in it if needed or wanted. Would I like a hot tub? Sure. But I certainly don't "need" one. Same for most everything that I want.

My birthday always comes right around Thanksgiving. I feel awkward when people ask what I "want" for my birthday. As a single person whose parents have died there is no longer anyone who can or should buy me a "big" present. No "Every kiss begins with Kay" surprise, no new car with a bow outside to shock me. No cruise tickets or vacation packages. Birthdays are mostly cards and simple gifts whose most important message is that I am loved. And, truly, that is what I want most... to be near [in spirit if not in person] to those I love and who love me. In that I am as rich as anyone on the Forbes 500!

Image credit: teaandsnippets.com

Focus on Fostering: Recreating a Past

2011-11-15T07:00:00.001-05:00

Kids who have been taken from their original family from abuse and/or neglect often lack the beginning chapters of their life story. They are likely to lack the baby pictures, first missing tooth photos, and more. In a perfect world, parents would be required by the courts to answer basic developmental history questions about their children so that crucial health and developmental information would be available. But no such practice exists. But, if you have a child who is noticing their absence of early photos in your home, or in a scrapbook, or for a school project.... how about putting them in charge???

Give them the chance to rewrite their beginning chapters. Dig out a child development book and tell them about when a baby sits up, gets their first tooth, starts to crawl, takes its first steps. Help the child create a story about their beginnings. As long as you don't use it for diagnostic purposes, why not?

Go another step and help the child [or adolescent] search online pictures and pick out a baby picture, a toddler taking first steps or playing with stacking toys, or grinning a gap-toothed smile. Print them, cut them out. May a fictional baby book for your child. Let them choose... where they a bald baby or a baby with a monk fringe of hair, or blond or dark hair. Let them choose. There is so little in their life so far they have had choice in.... why not let them choose to recreate a beginning?

Image credits: momwithoutamap.com, cutestwallpapers.blogspot.com, planning family.com

School Bell: Secretary Hat Strategy

2011-11-14T07:00:00.002-05:00

When I was still teaching full time I often had students filled with great ideas who were unwilling to take the time or make the effort to write them out. That is not a criticism! It was most often NOT a reflection of laziness, but of frustration with the physical challenges of writing or the processing difficulties of moving from thought to paper. Students with challenges like this find it simpler, less frustrating, less anxiety producing, etc. to write the shortest possible answer they can possible do.

If this sounds at all like your child, consider some options that might help him or her show the richness of thinking that may be hidden by the difficulty of putting it to paper. The most common school solution is to offer a keyboard option... using a computer. This can be very helpful and sometimes even motivating. But for some student keyboarding skill and dexterity can be almost as challenging as handwriting. What to do? Think of all the bosses of bygone days who had poor handwriting. "Hire" a "secretary" for your child!

1. Do a trial first. Some night or weekend when there is more time and inclination take a question from a homework assignment or a past test. Ask your child the question out loud and have them answer it just out loud to you. If you find they know a lot more than what they wrote, you are on to something... go to the teacher.

2. Talk to your child's teacher. Show/Tell the teacher the difference between what you child typically produces for an answer and what they produce when freed of the responsibility of physically writing their answer. Ask if they are willing to accept your child "dictating" answers to questions. Years ago, I sometimes used cassette tapes for families who were willing and would then listen to the tapes to "correct" their "papers."

3. Try it for a test period, assuming the teacher is willing. Find out whether you see a significant difference in the information the child can demonstrate.

4. Meet again to plan. Tweak as needed or to use as a basic for discussing reasonable accommodations to enable more accurate assessment of your child's learning.

Make it clear and make it fun!! When my kids were younger I bought a plain bill-front cap from a craft store. Using markers and paint my child and I created a "Secretary" Hat. We even attached a couple of pencils and erasers to it for fun.

Whenever I was wearing the Secretary Hat, the child knew that I would write down exactly what he/she said with no changes or corrections or hints. If he wanted help or advice in revising etc. I took the hat off.

In time the hat was used sometimes by sitters, or by others helping at homework time. I later learned that one of the aides at school had made a similar hat for herself after hearing about it.

---And, by the way... another advantage is that the "boss" can pace or fidget all s/he wants while dictating.

Try it!

Image credits: ipdc.co.id, affordablehousinginstitute.com

Caring Heart: Meds or No Meds

2011-11-13T07:00:00.017-05:00

Trying to do the best for children is always a challenge and when they are not your own it is even harder to make the right choice. But sometimes it gets even more complicated when others who don't even live with the child set limits or push their agendas to one extreme or another. This is just one example of the balancing acts so common.

Meds or No Meds

I am so confused. How do I decide what is the best for this child? I have seen children who do so much better when they take medicine. They are not zombies, rather they seem freed to be a lighter, happier self. They are more able to take control of their lives rather than be at the mercy of their bodies' chemistry. And yet, many people disagree and warn of known and unknown dangers from such medicines. I have seen children suffer the side effects of weight gain, muted personality, sleepiness, and more. Who am I to believe? Who am I to trust? How do I balance the negative side effects and the positive results? How can this child trust me to make the right decision when I am so unsure? How do I advocate for what is best when I don't know? Guide me, please. Make me unafraid to explore the many options, to change my mind if my choice doesn't feel right, and to hold firm to what seems right for this child at this time. Guide me. Bolster me. Help me do what is best for this child. Lead us down the right path. Please.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: Fall Flu

2011-11-12T14:37:00.005-05:00

Sorry folks for being absent most of this week. The fall flu has hit the house and eventually managed to get me down for the count too. Getting better....haven't gotten dressed yet or eaten a real meal yet, but hope to be back on my game tomorrow. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Hope all of you are doing a better job of avoiding the germs and microbes!
Gail

Soapbox: Wanted...Home Ec

2011-11-09T08:00:00.002-05:00

When I was in school [many, many years ago] there was a strict division of genders...in phys ed, but also in high school when the girls went to home economics and the boys took woodshop. By the time I became a teacher myself, it was clear that gender equity was needed. Girls wanted in to wood shop and automotives. Boys were less interested in home ec. Within 10 years budget cuts finally took their toll and home economics was completed eliminated. Not shop. Home Ec. Like many communities it has been decades now since the last cooking, sewing, child development, or home budgeting class was held for regular education and college prep kids.

WHY? It seem to me that home economics is the one skill that EVERYONE needs. The ability to run a household and to have the skills to live independently should be the baseline not the frill. Perhaps if more of today's citizens had learned checkbook balancing, budgeting, and the economics of running and maintaining a home, some of our current fiscal problems might have been avoided.

Now, I'm not recommending a return to gender split classes! Neither am I recommending that all 7th grade girls sew vests and aprons and skirts, as I had to do. But since pretty much speaking all kids will eventually live in a home, perhaps some education on how to do that would be a good idea! How to mend a tear, how to prepare food safely, the basics of child development and budgeting. Why is it only available to the severely handicapped students, occasionally the voc ed students? Bring back home economics. It is NOT a frill!

Image credit: popartmachine.com, parentseyes.arizona.edu,

School Bell: Confronting a Problem

2011-11-07T07:00:00.052-05:00

Most of the time when you ask your children how school went the answer will be "Fine" or "Ok" or something like that. Most of the time it will even be true. But what about the times they grumble an "I don't want to talk about it" or burst into tears? Sooner or later you may be in that situation.

When things don't go swimmingly at school your child [and your child's teacher] need to know that you are willing to tackle the tough stuff. It may be a playground bully today. Or a bus driver whose scolding scared your child. Hopefully you and your child have already talked about how to handle school challenges, and the steps of involving people such as a trusted teacher. Hopefully your child already knows that you are always willing to hear what they have to say and to talk about problems they are having.

Next step is that if your child has shared a concern with you, chances are you should bring it up to the teacher! Even if you think the child may be overreacting or misunderstanding, it is often helpful to have the teacher know what the child's perceptions are as most likely it is affecting their attitudes and performance and comfort at school.... always a concern of teachers. Start doing it early and when your child is older the ground work will be laid. Don't wait until your child is in a dilemma over a cheating request, or seeing a child threatening another, or overhearing something that hints at a dangerous situation.

Image credits: standrewsnorthkilworth.co.uk

Caring Heart: Translation Needed

2011-11-06T07:00:00.002-05:00

As hard as it is for me to believe it is nearly 45 years since my first foster child arrived. In the years then and since I have heard many foster parents complain about overly optimistic descriptions of children waiting for placements. Those of you who share that frustration may relate to this meditation.

Translation Needed
"Bright and engaging" Where did the social worker get that idea? Probably the same place that described my swweet little girl with severe mental retardation as "a little behind academically." I swear there must be a spcial thesaurus for missrepresenting these kiddos. "Eager and energetic" often means will ask thirty questions a minute, won't sit still for more than fifteen seconds, and rarely sleeps. "Would benefit from being an only child" sometimes means aggressive or predatory in ways that may place other children at risk. "Will need time to adapt to new home" should warn you that this child may reject affection, have difficulty learning to care about you and isn't used to normal expectations within a family. "Does well with structure" warns you to get out your best behavioral plans and checklists, your reward tokens and consequence systems, because you are going to need them all. I would probably still have taken each and everyone of those children in, but I would have been more prepared and more able to help them if I had not been misled. If I had not wasted time while figuring out the real translation of the optimistic-speak. Help the people who bear this responsibility to trust us and gift us with their best, most honest appraisal when they bring us each lonely hurting child. We are all just trying to help them find their way to peace.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: Favorite Quotes #7-10

2011-11-05T07:00:00.001-04:00

More favorite quotes--Today quotes on staying out of trouble or getting out of trouble.

For other favorite quotes search "quotes."

Attributions are often debatable, just as with legends and proverbs. If I have a name I will offer it, but with no guarantees. [Even #7 which I should be able to guarantee, may have come from his mother or father.]

#7-- "If you can't be smart, don't be stupid!"
   James H. Underwood, minister [and my dad]

#8-- "The way out of trouble is never as easy as the way in."
   Edgar Watson Howe, writer & editor

#9-- "The first rule of holes; when you're in one... stop digging!"
     Molly Ivins, writer

Image credit: ego.com

Anything Can Happen: Halloween Displays

2011-11-04T08:00:00.023-04:00

I know the Christmas selections are already crowding into the Thanksgiving displays. But... Halloween was really only 5 days ago and I couldn't resist sharing one of the many you tube clips that have been entertaining my kiddos this week.

Now they want ME to do one next year....NOT going to happen!!

My reactions tend to follow a pattern when I see amazing displays like this...
     1st....Wow!
   2nd... Someone has waaaaay too much flexible time!
   3rd....How many gallons of heating fuel for low income people could be bought with that electric bill?
     4th....I'm glad I don't live next door.

Click here to see one of many Halloween Light Displays set to music.

Or just search "Halloween light displays," sit back and waste some/enjoy some down time.

Parenting Tips: Thanks Giving #1--- Modeling Gratitude

2011-11-03T07:00:00.003-04:00

Happy November! All kids have things for which to be grateful. Sometimes they delight us with their enthusiasm. [I still remember the Christmas my four-year-old jumped up and down, gleefully saying, "Just what I ALways wanted!"...after every single present!!]

Gratitude doesn't always come as easily. This November month I have decided to spend each Thursday Parenting Tip on ways to help children develop and maintain gratitude. Today... providing role models of noticing and expressing gratitude.

Our children need to see us celebrate goodness, appreciate kindnesses, and model those behaviors in front of them. Started early, children can develop the habit of noticing goodness, voicing appreciation, and celebrating good fortune. As teenagers, it is easy to fall into the "my-life-stinks"-syndrome. With bullying ever present adolescents can quickly develop an awareness of all the negative around them and almost blind to the positives. They need our help to stay aware and grateful for the goodness around them. They need to hear us say how much we are warmed and comforted and uplifted by people who say "Thank You," who express appreciation, who show gratitude.

Let's try an experiment. From now until next Thursday's post, let's everyone who reads this make a conscious effort to surround our children with gratitude in all forms, non-verbal, physical, written, pictures, hugs, smiles, words, everything we can. Gratitude that they see us express, see us experience, that they receive, etc. Every way that we can for one week. Then next week we'll move them forward a different way. Working our way through the month of Thanksgiving we can try teaching the ACT of thanks-giving and the blessings of thanks giving rather than the history of Thanksgiving. By Thanksgiving Thursday let's see what wonderful changes and new understandings we may help create. Join me?

Image credits: debralschubert.blogspot.com

Soapbox: Election Signs

2011-11-02T07:45:00.008-04:00

My soapbox today is a congratulatory tip of the hat to my local candidates rather than a rant. Our small town is often populated [during election seasons] by what seems like more political signs than people! They crowd together on every corner of every intersection. Years ago there would be open spaces on straightaways, between corner clusters. But more recently even the straight stretches become filled with a nonstop border of competing signs. Last year I counted over 65 signs in less than a quarter mile stretch, divided between only three candidates!

Anyway, this year the local candidates made a pact and announced in the local paper, that they had agreed to forgo posting campaign signs completely. Instead they each did lengthy interviews with the newspaper about their positions and doubled the number of community candidate forum nights. The decision helped the town enjoy the fall foliage without signs spoiling it. The decision saved paper. Without the need to pay for all those signs and posters, less campaign money needed to be raised that is better used elsewhere. Finally, the alternative chosen provided better ways for townspeople to learn what the candidates stood for, rather than just the name recognition battle of signage. Hooray! Everybody wins!!

Now if we could just get state and national candidates to learn from that!

Focus on Fostering.... Holiday backsliding

2011-11-01T07:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so Halloween is over and those of you new to foster care might be think that things will settle down once the candy high is past. I advise you to think carefully about the children in your care and whatever is their background, because you may need to prepare for some rough waters. Halloween is just the first of a cascade of three holidays that focus on "Hallmark moments." You know what I mean... holidays filled with images of "typical" families, with close bonds, loving moments, sharing fun and celebrating together.

For children who are not able to be with their families, separated from parents, often separated from siblings, from neighborhoods and familiar schools, it is hard to find anything resembling Hallmark's images. Can you "fix" that? No. But you can be aware of the stress it causes, particularly in children old enough to notice, but not old enough to really understand, let alone appreciate what you are trying to provide for them. Don't take it personally! Be prepared.

Talk to them about the holidays. Find out what they would like to happen. They may have great holiday memories, terrible ones, or even innaccurate, imagined memories. Thanksgiving for them may have little to do with a big festive meal with relatives around the table. Start early to focus on the concept of thanks. Plan ways to help the children identify things they can be thankful for, modeling things for which you are thankful. And... though I know it is nearly eight weeks away.... start thinking about how you can support them emotionally not just through Thanksgiving, but Hannukah or Christmas or Kwanza the next month.

You cannot create perfect Hallmark holidays, but if you are prepared and creative you can help them get through this stretch without falling apart.

PS. Remember that ALL kids can struggle during the holidays. Click here for a fun post about some of the risks and strategies of even "typical" family gatherings from blogger Holly Homer who blogs at momitforward.com.

Image credits: newswise.com, momitforward.com

School Bell: Teacher / Student Encouragement

2011-10-31T07:30:00.003-04:00

By Halloween most school systems have finished their fall parent conferences. For many they will be positive, for others they will confirm that a child is struggling. This can be an opportunity to encourage both your student and his or her teacher with a small light-hearted token.

For the teacher...
-- a roll of paper towels for their help in "cleaning up" or "tackling" the problem.
-- a short thank you note for their help in coming up with a plan for improving things.

For the student...
-- a box of paper clips or rubber bands because "together we're are going to hold it together"
-- a pad of cute sticky notes to help you "stick with it"

[If you used one of these earlier in the year, choose a different one now.] The point is just to let both your child and the teacher know that the issues you discussed at parent conference are remembered and that they can both count on you to follow-through and help resolve the problem. The child needs to know that you will be there to help, not just to nag or scold. The teacher needs to know that you can handle bad news as well as good, that you will work with them and with your child.

As a veteran teacher I can assure you that the teacher wants every single child to succeed. Happy, successful children are easier, more fun, and more rewarding to be working with each day. Experiencing success and feeling hopeful creates a wonderful synergy of energy and achievement in a classroom, regardless of where each individual starts the year. Working together as a team helps make that happen.

Caring Heart: Street Angels House Devils

2011-10-30T07:00:00.018-04:00

This isn't exactly Halloween themed, but close. Sometimes it seems as if our kiddos are swapping one emotional costume for another, anything to hide what is really going on inside.

Street Angels / House Devils

I remember hearing the expression "Street Angel - House Devil" years ago. Maybe it was even said of me, I don't remember. But it surely applies to her. How is it that others can see her as thoughtful, kind, even joyful. Yet at home, especially to me, she is angry, ciolent, and actually sometimes abusive. Those outsiders don't deeply love her, and yet she delights them. Her family and I love her so so much and yet she treats us worse than dirt. It seems so backward. If she can't be good for everyone, in my heart I suppose I wold rather she was pleasant outside the house. Kind of like being on best behavior for company. But it is so very tiring to always be the brunt of her moods. And when she is so different outside, in public, no one understands what it is like to be me. Strengthen my camel's back, Lord, that her behavior may fall on it like straws, not thorns. That my back of resolve will not break as long as she needs my help. Strengthen me. Strengthen her, O Lord, so that she no longer feels the need to lash out, to fight love, to protect herself from letting go.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Quick Takes: Fun Halloween Snacks

2011-10-29T09:00:00.009-04:00

Ok, warning .... these are not organic, nor sugar free....I figure if I crack the whip most of the year, I can ease up a bit on Halloween. I learned a long time ago that making cupcakes was [in my kids eyes] only a means of offering frosting. So I decided to skip the cupcake part and get to their heart of the matter. I use crackers and cookies as my base. Here are a few Halloween treats we made this week:

Spider Webs:
squares of graham crackers
white frosting
back tube frosting gel
toothpick for draggin the
concentric circles into a web

Medium difficulty... small kids will struggle with the circles but will do fine on the dragging and the spider blobs.

Mummy Crackers:
Town House crackers as base
White frosting base, then white frosting using a petal tube to create the mummy's wrappings.
Green gel frosting tube to create the ghoulish eyes.

[Healthy supper version: You can create a Halloween supper by making individual meatloaves in cupcake pans, laying alfredo sauced noodles as the mummy wrappings on top, using peas for eyes. to make a healthy supper version.]

Ghostly Graveyards:
I used chocolate graham vcrackers for the base.
chocolate frosting to cover
Crumbled oreos or crackers for the loose "dirt"
Town House oval crackers with one edge cut straight for tombstones.
Black get frosting tip for R.I. P. lettering.

Simple Pumpkins:
Great for little folk...
Halloween Oreos [with orange filling]
Take off one cookie side with a knife.
Use green gel frosting tube to make the stem.
Use black get frosting tube to make the faces.
[Save the plain cookie side for the graveyard "dirt" or for ghosts base.]

Ghosts:
Use white tube frosting to create ghosts on the plain oreo halves.
Toothpicks help kids drag the frosting blob into a chosen shape.
Chocolate crumbs or frosting dots make eyes etc.

P.S. Sorry I posted late today... Scrambling to get the last bulbs in the ground before an unexpected October snowstorm is predicted for tonight. Arrrggghhh. I am not ready for snow!!!

Anything Can Happen: Halloween fun

2011-10-28T08:02:00.005-04:00

Nothing super exciting today.... just a game that a friend sent me to online. I barely got to try it out before my granddaughter [age 14] spied it and took over for the last 30 minutes. I have finally wrested the computer back from her to post this so that you too may find a way to occupy your teens with a harmless game. In my community the Thursday and Friday before Halloween are parent teacher conferences so my munchkins are home from school all day.... a good diversion is always handy!

So here I offer you... graveyard mini-golf.

For younger kids, try some puzzles and coloring pages to download free

Or even check out some other online Halloween games for kids.

Parenting Tips: Halloween Teen Options

2011-10-27T07:30:00.045-04:00

In my house once you turn 13 you are too old to go out door to door trick or treating in costume. [ Not necessarily a good rule for everyone and everyplace. But where I live it is a good rule. Being older and out is an invitation to temptation to join in risky activities, or to be blamed for the misbehavior of others.]

Our rule made me come up with other holiday activities for my teens. So, here are a few they have like over the years....

1- They can be the official door greeter on Halloween... in a non-scary costume if they would like, or not. Greeting the little children and watching their little faces light up as they trick or treat.

2. They can each invite one teen friend over to our house for an evening of Halloween movies. [Some of the old ones are the best according to my kids, who enjoy previewing a bunch in the weeks ahead of Halloween to chose what ones might surprise their friends most.

3. Helping create a Halloween feast for their friends with all the homemade goodies that people used to give out before all the food scares.

4. Decorating the yard to make it Halloween-y but not too scary for little folk.

5. Hosting a small party featuring the old-style games they may have played as kids on Halloween, but haven't played as teens [bobbing for apples, donuts on a string, etc.]

6. Participating in a community youth activity on Halloween night if your community offers one. [Example: juding scarecrow contests, costumes at the elementary school or middle school, attending a Halloween dance at the high school, etc.]

Oh yes.... And whatever you chose to offer them, I always allow my "too-old--to-tick-or-treat-children" to each go to the store and pick out one bag of their favorite treat for themselves to ease their pain. [Since I have several teens they often choose to collaborate!] Good luck!

Image credits: celebrations.com

Soapbox: Forgiveness Day

2011-10-26T07:30:00.002-04:00

I heard on television that Monday was International Forgiveness Day. I have never heard of such a day. They didn't mention who sponsored the day, or crowned it as official. I suppose I could look it up on the internet, but that isn't really the point. What struck me was how useful such a day would be if it were used as such. Imagine a day when old wrongs were released, old grudges dropped.

Most thoughtful people agree that holding a grudge, maintaining resentment, and festering anger hurts the "holder" far more than the person who is resented. But it is often so so hard to truly release pent up anger or pain that has been carefully guarded, sometimes even fed.

What a great model for our children and our world if we could learn. What a wonderful opportunity to have a day each year to talk about forgiveness, to practice forgiveness, and maybe actually learn how so that we can reap the rewards of anger and pain with peace and calm and healing.

Image credit: donmilleris.com

Focus on Fostering: Try a worry wall

2011-10-25T07:30:00.030-04:00

All kids worry. Sometimes though, the worries of kids in care are stockpiled on top of regular kid worries and the pile becomes overwhelming. The worry thoughts crowd their heads and can seem to squeeze out all the good things, the good times, the calm. Try this little trick to tame the worry monster and cut him down to a more manageable size.

1. Get two different color sticky notes. One color to stand for worries, one to stand for solutions.

2. With your child pick a spot on their bedroom wall. This will become their worry wall.

3. When your child mentions a worry [or you see one] write it on a worry sticky note and put it on their "Worry Wall."

4. Talk to the child about the problem. When you come up with a plan for dealing with the worry [or even a solution] write it on a solution sticky note and place that sticky note next to and partially over the worry note.

Checking in on the Worry Wall can become part of bedtime tucking in, to kind of review the solutions and strategies so that the child can go to sleep focused on solutions not worries. Using a Worry Wall also builds a habit of sharing concerns and working together to find solutions.... a habit that will pay off BIG time when your child is a teenager!

Remember...

the bottom line we ALL

need to learn is....

Image crdits:
emotionalmachines.org,
looktothenorth.wordpress.com,
sodahead.com

School Bell: Test Anxiety

2011-10-24T07:00:00.074-04:00

[Note: WOW! It has been a long two weeks since I was at the helm of Upbeats and Downbeats! I apologize to those who follow me regularly. After pretty much every single day for over a year I hit a brick wall after the wedding and was just exhausted. But, I am back on my feet and ready to get back in my blog groove. Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me!! Spread the word... I'm ba-a-a-a-ck.]

Any day now your child will wake up dreading going to school because that day is dreaded test day. Almost all of us can remember what it was like to dread that first big test with a new teacher, or to worry about the standardized tests the whole grade was taking. Test znxiety is perfectly normal, but also perfectly horrible. As parents and teachers we need to follow the tried and true basics to help our kids muddle through...

1. Know the difference between classroom tests and standardized tests.
---To prepare for classroom tests you do study.... your notes, homework and review sheets. Buddy systems sometimes help. Or flashcards, or game reviews [See my Feb 21, 2011 post.] Studying helps because they are designed to test recall of details just taught or introduçed.
---To prepare for standardized tests you do not study. They are designed to measure accumulated long term knowledge, and ability to use accumulated skill routines or apply old info to new situations.

2. Know that rest and nutrition really DO help achievement on both kinds of tests.
Whatever studying is or isn't done, a good night's sleep and a good breakfast or lunch really make a difference in the body's ability to focus, calm, and think clearly. This is when a good bedtime routine is helpful and a favorite breakfast or snack or lunch is a boost as well.

3. Know that relaxation is key.
Prepare your child way ahead by teaching them to know how they can relax in the moment of stress. Deep breathing. A quick prayer. A fidget "toy" to kep from finger drumming. A sentence affirmation to repeat for reassurance. Whatever works best for your child in a classroom situation. Like looking for your keys when you are upset about being late... searching for the answers in your head is equally difficult when all your focus is on the worry.

These aren't the only three strategies, but these will reduce test anxiety more and more as children understand and employ them automatically.

Image credits: dmaryzoglo.com

Caring Heart: Family Reunion

2011-10-23T07:00:00.029-04:00

All too often, foster and adoptive children are separated from siblings. Sometimes, even when that must or does happen, reunions are possible.

A happy family reunion

We did it! We got them all together for a day today. His brothers were all there, and his sisters, too. Even the ones he hadn't seen in so long. Sure, it was a little awkward at first, but after a bit they started comparing notes and sharing stories. And, it's really interesting how much alike they all are. Not just the way they look. That's often true of siblings. But their mannerisms are so similar it is eerie. They have been separated so completely, yet are still so similar. Their hand gestures, they way they sit, and even the way they laugh. It was so wonderful to hear them all laugh. I took so many pictures today. Who knows when being together can happen again. Who knows how long today's memories will have to last these children. But they had today. Thank you for today.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Caring Heart: Gotcha Day

2011-10-16T07:00:00.037-04:00

Fourteen years ago this week, I came home from an unexpected court date with three cherubs in tow and a fourth on her way. At the time I thought they would be with me for a few months, maybe a year. One is now 21 and on her own, one is a 19 year old high school graduate and with the other two manage to keep me young, and old, and to fill my house, my heart, and my calendar! This is for everyone who has a "Gotcha Day."

Gotcha Day

Today was their Gotcha Day. The anniversary of the day they came. We had cake, ice cream, and even a few small presents. We told how excited we were to have them join our family. We showed pictures of that first day. We talked about what we did that first day. Showed them how much they have grown since then. We celebrated the ways they are stronger, healthier, and growing up each day. Most of all, we celebrated that we were able to keep them together in one home, not split up and settled with different families. Brothers and sisters may fight, may argue, but they belong together. Here they can be. So, like every year, we celebrate! If we had been their first family it would be harder. It would have coincided for them with too many painful memories of loss and confusion. But since we are their forever family, the one that ended the cycle, it is a day to truly rejoice and be grateful. We are.

Excerpted from "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover.

Focus on Fostering: The need for space

2011-10-11T07:00:00.042-04:00

I talked last week about the social code of personal space, but today is not about conversational space, but space away by yourself. Some parents think their children [especially adolescents and teens] are spending too much time alone, holed up with their video games or computers or facebook, or just isolated via headphones. But although that isn't time spent with family... it isn't alone time either.

Kids need to learn how to be alone in their own personal space with time to think, to tinker, to read, to daydream, even to fall asleep. Possibly the only teens who understand that are those who must share a bedroom with a sibling. They are painfully aware of not having a place to go to be in their OWN space. Parents need their own space too. I suspect it is a basic human need of a sort. The need to occasionally withdraw, to regroup, to rejuvenate, or just to be ,,, but to be alone.

I think children in care particularly benefit from having a space that is theirs. A space where they can cry, or be angry, or admit they are happy, or admit they have lost so much. I think we as foster parents need to find ways to teach them how to find space and time to be alone. Teaching them to find personal quiet at a beach, or on their bedroom floor, or in a field. Teaching them how to claim space and privacy in healthy ways.

After all...

everybody needs alone time.

Image credits: ourfamilyforhisglory.blogspot.com, waileadailyphoto.blogspot.com, secularcafe.org

School Bell: Parent Conference Tips

2011-10-10T07:00:00.052-04:00

Last Monday I talked about assesing the start your children have made this year and encouraged conversation with his or her teacher. So, we have already talked about the importance of sharing the home perspective with the teacher on school in general and on the homework front as well. Here are three key tips to keep in mind as you prepare for that conference.

Bring specific questions.

"How is he doing?" is less helpful than "What area does he need to work on?" "Who does she usually buddy up with for team projects?" instead of "Is she getting along with others okay?" These can help you be more effective helping your child with both studying and social concerns.

Prioritize and Make a list.

Having a list of key things you want to cover or questions you want answered is one of the best ways to be sure you don't get sidetracked during the conference or stuck talking in platitudes and generalities. Most conferences are limited to around 20 minutes. The teacher will have information to share, so decide your top two priorities and write them down to make sure you cover them!

And....
If you can't get to everything, make an appointment to continue the discussion, chances are there is another parent waiting in the hallway for their 20 minutes.

Image credit: angelamaiers.com

Caring Heart: A daughter's Wedding Day

2011-10-09T07:00:00.015-04:00

Today is my daughter, Alexis' wedding day. I celebrate my daughter, her future husband, Ben, the couple they have begun to be, and the couple they will become.

I am away from my computer for these few days, focused on my family and happily forgetting my blog and everything else.

Flip through my old Caring Heart posts. Search by clicking on Caring Heart in the topic list. Say a prayer that my gremlins are behaving! Re-read a favorite or explore some you never read. See you on Tuesday!

Artwork by Anna Parker David from the book cover of "The Caring Heart Speaks: Meditations for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents" by Gail Underwood Parker.

Quick Takes: New Halloween Traditions

2011-10-08T07:00:00.075-04:00

Halloween seems to be getting bigger and bigger every year. Gone seem to be the days of simple costumes, trick or treats, and UNICEF boxes. It you are looking for a Halloween tradition to begin or switch to, here are three that have gained popularity lately... some even as community or charity fund raisers.

Costume Sale- Get together with a group of parents, or friends and hold a Halloween costume sale early or mid-October. Publicize it to the local elementary schools and parent groups. Maybe talk to a local theater group about donating some of their costume department's cast offs. Perhaps to gain publicity [and new fans?] their makeup people would come and do an afternoon clinic on Halloween makeup ideas? Over my parenting years I have gahtered not one but FIVE tubs of costumes and costume ingredients for any number of ages and interest. No longer needing them, they will be going to my local church's October rummage sale to start a "Halloween Room" of goodies.

Trunk or Treat- A new approach to trick or treating, some neighborhoods or communities are creating safe zones by lining the local school or church parking lot with parked cars. The cars [or even just the trunks and hatchbacks] are decorated to the nines. Children go from trunk to trunk trick or treating with no busy roads to cross in the dark, no stranger's homes, etc. And with a parent at each trunk and the cars forming a makeshift "neighborhood block" even the youngest children can enjoy this twist on traditional trick or treating. Perhaps the older teens in the area can sponsor a cider or doughnut table too? For decorating ideas try googling "trunk or treat" images and be inspired!

Halloween Scarecrows- Hold a scarecrow decorating contest in town. Charge a minimal amount for the two cross stakes and challenge families and businesses or organizations to decorate and post their themed scarecrow out front for two weeks. Have clear rules about gore or violence.Hold a judging and award prizes or certificates in categories. This makes a great addition to a fall festival or Halloween week and offers the chance to move beyond doorbell ringing and candy for those who want.

Note: As you can see our October Quick Takes this year will all focus on Halloween ideas for Food, Costumes, Teens and Families. We will go back to our usual Quick Take offerings in November.

Image credits: carouseltheatre.wordpress.com, greaterphiladelphiagardens.org, tipjunkiue.com